<p>How do you address the issue of marijuana usage by high school seniors. I have a very smart child who sees nothing wrong with sometimes smoking marijuana. He rationalizes it by not driving while under it’s effects and showing us studies he has found on the web that limited use has no harmful effects. This is not our belief and we have conveyed to to him multiple times. We have drug tested him and grounded him when he was stoned. we have sent him to counselors who have said since he’s 18 and doesn’t think usage is a problem there’s nothing they can do, counseling is a waste of time if he doesn’t believe it’s a problem. We have told him it wrong to do because it’s illegal and what would happen with a drug conviction. We have told him about health risks. we have told him about our concerns about bad pot or additional chemicals being put in.
what to you say or do with a very bright child who is doing a very dumb thing like this?</p>
<p>If he makes sure not to drive, I don’t see the huge issue. It’s less harmful than alcohol (i.e., no pot poisoning or cirrhosis). If he’s as smart as you say, then I’m pretty sure he won’t get caught. And the likelihood of “bad” pot is next to nil. I’m just saying, you might want to rethink your reasons if you want him to rethink his.</p>
<p>look up frontal lobe development and substance use.
Pot stays in fatty tissue and so has a cumulative effect on development, it also enables residues to be tested for when applying for jobs etc.</p>
<p>Nothing is going to change his mind until he gets caught and arrested or gets drug tested for a job. This generation seems to have to actually experience the consequences instead of just being warned about them.</p>
<p>Nothing personal, but if he was as bright as you say, then he wouldn’t BREAK THE LAW. There’s a lot of laws on the book that we don’t all agree with, but we don’t just arbitrarily break the laws because we don’t like them. We work on changing the laws.</p>
<p>As far as an 18 year old senior, there are 2 different approaches. </p>
<p>1) When he graduates, let him know that in your house you don’t condone drug use of any kind or those who are under the influence. If he doesn’t like that rule, then he can move out.</p>
<p>2) If you don’t have the “Tough love” to do that, and don’t want to kick him out; then just stop supporting him. NO money; NO college; NO car (I’m sure it’s yours or the insurance); NO anything extra other than the roof and food.</p>
<p>What is the alternative??? A neighbor or someone else sees him smoking pot and says something to someone. Eventually he gets caught. Granted, it’s only a misdemeanor the first time in most states; but who knows where that leads to.</p>
<p>Sorry if I am sounding tough or insensitive. On the contrary. I know exactly where you are coming from. I know your son. I was your son. Fortunately for me, the law and repercussions weren’t as bad when I was younger and did stupid things. The bottom line is; it doesn’t matter what HE THINKS OF POT. The law says it’s illegal. Same with under 21 and alcohol and many other laws. Tell him to petition his representative and senator to have the law changed. Get him involved with the system. Just saying you don’t agree with a law and therefor you aren’t going to follow it, is not an excuse or the right way to handle the law.</p>
<p>My Dad had four sons. His approach was simple: “I’ll bail you out ONCE.” That seemed a little harsh at the time, but it got the message across.</p>
<p>We’ve also focused on the crime, exploitation, and generally bad stuff that is involved in the entire drug production and distribution. At this age, the argument that it is illegal sometimes doesn’t have the impact on teens that it does on adults. By focusing on the health risks, as well as the social impacts, we always hoped that it would have some effect…so far it has worked (as well as being up front regarding some of the significantly stupid situations some of their wilder older cousins got themselves into).</p>
<p>Honestly, we had to come to terms with being up front about our own forays into dumb stuff of our youth. The fact that it was illegal didn’t necessarily stop us oh so many years ago…</p>
<p>It sounds like you have done everything that you can. He will be leaving home soon so grounding won’t be an option anymore. About the only thing left would be to pull financial support for college and personally I wouldn’t recommend that you play that card for this issue. </p>
<p>We similarly struggled with some unwanted behavior and found nothing worked (grounding, removing the computer, removing the car). A friend said we had to figure out what S really valued. We realized what he wanted was the ability to hang out with certain friends (who we heartily disapproved of and had tried to separate him from since 8th grade). What we wanted was for his grades to improve and for him to not get into drugs, which we knew these friends were using.</p>
<p>Our solution, unfortunately not discovered until he was a junior in high school, was to let him hang out with these friends openly (once they can drive, it is pretty darn hard to control subversive behavior absent permanent house arrest) as long as he maintained a certain GPA and willingly submitted to periodic random drug testing to prove he wasn’t using drugs himself. </p>
<p>That actually worked and I only regret we didn’t try this earlier. His GPA immediately improved to the target we set and stays right at that threshhold to the decimal (measured each 9 weeks). He also passes his drug tests. We figured those make it easy for him to just say no as his friends understand they couldn’t hang out as easily otherwise. If his GPA were to slip, we agreed that he would have to do an hour of supervised “recreational” reading every evening for 9 weeks until his grades improved. If he failed the drug test, the friends would be history to the best of our ability–understanding that we have some limitations there but it definitely would make life more difficult for him.</p>
<p>Do you give him a treat when he passes his drug tests? Get 'em at Petco?</p>
<p>Come on.</p>
<p>What, exactly, are the health issues for a healthy, smart 18 year old boy who tokes up once or twice every week? That’s like saying your kid that drinks every weekend is going to get a liver disease; it’s just not going to happen.</p>
<p>I know a nice hardworking teen who wanted a certain group of friends (similar to TheAnalyst’s son). He was arrested because he was with this group while some were smoking marijuana in a car. Supposedly, he was not smoking it, but who really knows. It now involves a court date, and an attorney. Fortunately, he is a minor. I think that these situations can really snowball into much more. It has effected other areas of this young man’s life this year. He has learned a huge lesson from this! To those of you that don’t have a problem with using marijuana, you might want to think twice.</p>
<p>The pot of today is very different from that which was used in the 60:s & 70:s. or even the 80:s. It is far more potent.</p>
<p>There are lots of international studies linking teenage marijuana use to the development of severe mental illness (psychosis and schizophrenia). Like alcoholism some kids (people) are predisposed and at great risk. </p>
<p>I offer this without prejudice.</p>
<p>Allow me to answer from two perspectives. First of all, I don’t see the huge problem with marijuana. Yes, anything in excess is bad. It just depends on how often he does it. If he smokes every single day, then it is a problem. If he does it once a week, its really not going to have any overall effect on health. It just isn’t enough of the chemicals to have a long-lasting substantive effect. This would hold even more true if he did it less often than once a week. </p>
<p>Saying that it is illegal means nothing. If anything, it makes a kid feel rebellious and cool trying it, knowing that it is technically against the law. Same thing with underage drinking. My parents never stopped me from having a bit of beer or wine as a teenager. Was it illegal for them to give it to me? Yes. But now, I have no desire to drink often because it doesn’t have that rebellious or cool vibe to it. I’m not saying that you should give your kid marijuana, but I just think that using the “its illegal” argument is pointless and only fuels the desire to try it. Hell, downloading music is “illegal” yet we all do it, even more so because we know we aren’t supposed to. My mother was honest with me, said she tried pot once as a teenager, hated it and never did it again. She said that she wouldn’t be angry at me if I tried it, but would be disappointed if I made it a habit. I understood exactly what she said and took it to heart. I will use it on occasion, but will never make a habit out of it. </p>
<p>Now that I have given my opinion on the matter in general, I will give some options from your perspective.</p>
<p>-I agree that the tough love approach might get the job done. If you really want him to stop, no money, no anything until he does. Just bring him to his knees. </p>
<p>-Let him get caught. This is the biggest deterrent to pot and if he gets caught, it will hopefully set him straight. My friend got caught in his dorm, lost his housing, and had to search for an apartment during finals study week. Horrible situation. </p>
<p>-Try and convince him to at least do it less. This is the thing I recommend. If he is mature enough to speak to you about it and not keep it a secret, then you obviously have a strong and supportive relationship. Be supportive back and understand that this is something he is addicted to and really enjoys doing. Give him incentive to ease back his use, making it more of a treat once in awhile than a habit. This will lower the chances of health effects and reduce the probability of being caught.</p>
<p>No one has mentioned this but I believe that you are at risk of having your possessions (and home) seized if he keeps drugs in your home.</p>
<p>I think that all the talk about laws and punishment can fall on deaf ears with people in that age bracket. Also depending on where you live the penalty for pot use or possession is not severe.
In our city limits the police have made pot smoking enforcement a non issue. My friend was telling me she had her kids at the skate park and the kids could get a ticket for not wearing knee pads and helmuts but the pot smokers were freely smoking in the park. I have also heard of kids getting pulled over and the police or sheriff call the parents and send them on there way with a warning. Or a citation.
Also I was surprised when my son was applying for jobs that many of the applications asked about arrests or convictions but had a line excluding marijuana convictions. The drug test for jobs is the most compelling line I have seen work for some teens. Many companies do test but they only test at hiring. Also the kids are pretty smart and if they have the means can find ways to get a negative test result.
My son’s roommate in college was caught with pot in his dorm. Received a warning. No police called.
I don’t know of a solution.
Also the way many have gotten around the issue in Ca is by getting a prescription for medical marijuana.</p>
<p>There was a new Supreme Court ruling this week that made the “search and seizure” rules more on the side of the police. I don’t know the details, but I’m thinking perhaps some situations where kids could previously elude arrest would now be arrestable. </p>
<p>I’d love to hear a real attorney offer perspective on this new Supreme Court ruling, relative to the OP’s concern. </p>
<p>The wording I heard involves police being able to search a very long time for evidence, as long as they have reason to believe a crime is being committed. Ask him if he’d want to be searched for hours, to the point of strip-searches, because he was arrested…until they find the evidence.</p>
<p>There used to be time limits, and if evidence wasn’t found within a certain amount of reasonable time, even with “probably cause” the detainee was finally let go. If that’s the part that’s changed, I’d think it would upset a teen to imagine himself searched for hours, his car torn apart, or his person strip-searched. </p>
<p>The old possibility that police could plant evidence is also there. They want to justify their arrest and provide good evidence to the DA. But now, heck, they can just keep on searching…</p>
<p>Then connect the greater possibility of arrest with torpedoing his chances to get into a college, professional certification program, or job. Then, ask HIM to weigh the risks, think about it, and get back to you. You can’t bully a kid that age into right thinking, but you can provide new data. </p>
<p>Or, cut to the chase and tell the “very bright child” to stop acting like an idiot in terms of risk analysis. Tell him you think he’s stupid. It might get to his pride.</p>
<p>*Many companies do test but they only test at hiring. *</p>
<p>I started a worker’s rights thread regarding my h workplace where they will begin firing for smoking.
Tobacco.</p>
<p>The long-term effects of marijuana are controversial, but one think that is well-known is that the tar in marijuana cigarettes is much worse than in normal cigarettes. I heard that one marijuana cigarette is like twenty marijuana cigarettes. So one way to get him to stop would be to tell him it could lead to lung cancer.</p>
<p>It has also been observed that marijuana is a “gateway” drug, meaning that people who try pot are more likely to try other drugs. No one knows whether this is causal or merely associative, though.</p>
<p>The FACT of the matter is that it’s against the law. I don’t care how harmful or not it is, or how much better it is than other leisure activities, or whatever, if you smoke it, buy it, sell it, transport it, or ignore it you are violating the law, plain and simple. If your moral code is fine with that than smoke away, just don’t get caught.</p>
<p>When I went to UCDavis I had plenty of friends who smoked, and the cops never busted anyone who was responsible with it, calling it “a common Davis activity”.</p>
<p>Personally, I don’t care what you do, I don’t. Pot is tied to lazy people, and for good reason.</p>
<p>I read the police log at our son’s school and the post mj violations along with a summons to court. This is part of the public record which employers, your parents, your parents’ neighbors, etc. can find.</p>
<p>There are various careers where this could be a problem.</p>
<p>As a physician I know that marijuana is detrimental, there are enough studies out there. It is too bad tobacco isn’t banned for health reasons as well, maybe in the future some of today’s measures (deemed fair or not) will help eradicate it from accepted use. Aside from the medical consequences the legality is an important issue, we do not get to pick and choose which laws to obey without consequences. It says something about a person when they choose to flaunt both medical and legal views- and it isn’t a good impression.</p>