<p>Thanks for the encouragement re: supporting spouse to live healthy. Definitely good to be positive (I try that: ‘I hope you’ll be w/me for our daughter’s graduation,’ etc…!). </p>
<p>The second hand smoke is scary…particularly when I’ve read the sad reports about people getting lung cancer who haven’t ever smoked.</p>
<p>This is a really interesting topic. When we moved to a new town and H got a new job, he was under a tremendous amount of pressure, working long hours. Over a period of a couple of years he packed on the pounds, and it was definitely noticeable. He didn’t acknowlege it and I didn’t either, but if I told you it didn’t bother me I’d be lying. I’m not superficial but I do take care of my health, watch what I eat and exercise daily. I knew that it would hurt him if I mentionned it so I didn’t. When it really started to bother him (as I knew, eventually, it would) he started talking about it, being more careful about food and exercising at least 3x weekly. He’s lost enough so that he doesn’t look paunchy and elderly like he did before. I’m proud of his efforts, and glad to have him looking more like the man I married. I would expect the same of myself to look good for him.</p>
<p>H had his 30th college reunion not too long ago, and a book was published with their freshman photos, and updates written by each of them about their current lives. One guy wrote that he was happily married to his wife who was “very fit and trim”. H and I cracked up and couldn’t wait to get there to see this jazzy wife! (She did look pretty good but I think that was kind of tacky to mention it!) One of my college roommates told me that her husband had put on some pounds recently, so she boycotted sex until he lost it. She said he went on SlimFast. I was pretty surprised that that was her take on things.</p>
<p>Someone’s already said this before, probably. And…I’m probably looking at this from a younger generation’s view, but I think it’s the reality for most generations…</p>
<p>Okay, for those of you that are saying, “Divorce because of appearance changes? That’s so superficial! Don’t get married if you’re going to be superficial!” I love those values too, and intellectually I understand that appearance doesn’t matter, but how many people select their girlfriends/boyfriends and spouses without considering appearance? I think the correct analogy is that being good-looking opens doors for you, and personality gets you in? It’s nice to say, only marry someone if you will stay married with them if they are burned over 60% of their body, but which one of you would marry someone if they already had these burns in the first place? If marriage was really <em>such</em> a sanctified thing like that, then almost all babies would be out of wedlock. I’m just saying. It makes me angry too when shallow, silly people are deemed attractive for their looks, but the reality is… anyway, did you see that thread where they asked, would you date someone much stupider than you? And the guys were like… if she’s hot! But would they stay if she loses her appearance…</p>
<p>When you make the decision to marry someone it’s based on many factors that attract you, and one of the factors is weight, and one of the factors is sense of humor, and et cetera. And that’s part of what they mean to you and how you view them. If you marry someone who has a great sense of humor and then they lose it, become a jaded and cynical person and it’s not their fault, what <em>if</em> you’re not as attracted to them? And I’m sure many of you would find living with your spouses difficult if they gained, say, 300 pounds. So the boundary of how much change is acceptable, it’s an arbitrary boundary: it’s different for everyone. And you shouldn’t legislate which changes should be legitimate reasons for breaking off a relationship. It’s really how the change affects the more unchanged spouse emotionally.</p>
<p>I think perhaps part of the point was – you might not marry someone w/burns over 60% of their body. However, if you’ve already married someone and that happens, the level of commitment in marriage would keep you together – it’s a different relationship when you’ve made that life-long pledge (hopefully).</p>
<p>That said, my husband clearly prefers it if I am at the lower end of a 10lb weight spectrum.</p>
<p>Here’s a timely article from the NY Times on weight and aging:</p>
<p>[Old</a> Age Is Harder for the Overweight - Well - Tara Parker-Pope - Health - New York Times Blog](<a href=“http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/11/15/old-age-is-harder-for-the-overweight/]Old”>Old Age Is Harder for the Overweight - The New York Times)</p>
<p>My hubby was a package deal–so am I. Neither one of us is perfect, but we’re in it for the long haul. The only exception for me would be if he became abusive and then I’d try to get him help, because that is not in his nature.</p>
<p>twinmom- Thanks for the link. I thought this was an excellent observation:</p>
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<p>Fitness is more important than thinness. “Three miles” is also my personal mantra (walk, jog or run - just get there!). I am also an avid advocate for making healthy food choices - and everyone is welcome in the healthy diet club! :)</p>