Marriage question

<p>After a recent event in the family, I'm curious to ask: Is asking the father of your girlfriend for permission to propose to his daughter still something that is necessary today? Or is it not a common act, but still thoughtful and nice when it does occur?</p>

<p>This is a vestige of the time when women were legally the property of their fathers, and, furthermore, could not legally own property (this existed in the U.S. til 125-150 years ago.) So the request of the father was essentially a property transfer.</p>

<p>I have no idea whether it still happens. I don't think of it as either thoughtful or nice. Of course, it is nice to be informed - after the fact.</p>

<p>Totally agree with Mini. Would like to see a couple hundred years of young women asking their boyfriends' mothers for their sons' hands in marriage to let the pendulum swing the other way for a while, actually.</p>

<p>It's still done, more of an "asking for your blessing" type thing rather than asking for permission. A friend's daughter recently got engaged and the mom said the fiance did this.</p>

<p>I also read about a celebrity recently who said that her fiance did this, and she seemed to think it was a very nice thing. I can't remember who the celebrity is at this moment, however.</p>

<p>I certainly doubt that in these days in the US that it would be viewed by many as "necessary."</p>

<p>Prince William did it.</p>

<p>3 of our various friends' daughters' boyfriends asked for the hand of the girl in marriage. These girls have all been dating/sleeping with/living with the respective boyfriends for 3 to 4 years.....</p>

<p>Not only is it not necessary, it's kinda silly imo.</p>

<p>My future son in law absolutely called my H but agree it was more of a heads up than it was asking for permission.</p>

<p>Before we throw out everything of a time when life was more "civilized," there are some things that while not necessary are still considerate. Weddings are mostly about tradition, and this is part of it.</p>

<p>While no longer is the wedding typically shouldered solely on the brides parents, but as someone who is footing the bill, I wonder how TestObsessed would feel if we switched that tradition up and groom's parents were expected to cover it all. Asking the Dad for permission doesnt seem like such a big deal after all.</p>

<p>My husband joked it kind of felt like the fiance giving him a heads up was more or less asking if H's check book was in order. :)</p>

<p>Not necessary but possibly a smart move on the part of the future son in law. I think it makes an excellent impression with the bride's family that a young man would care what his future wife's father thinks and gets the father's blessing. My husband talked to my father before he proposed to me and to this day they have immense respect for each other.</p>

<p>HeartArt, agree. My husband asked my Dad for his "blessing," and my Dad was very impressed. Conversely, my EX brother in law did not ask my Dad, and my Dad was always offended. (Plus, EX bro inlaw turned out to be a jerk, cheater, deadbeat father...)</p>

<p>Ah i understand, the origin behind that practice is interesting, I never knew that. </p>

<p>So I guess asking the father really depends on the family and how they would take it?</p>

<p>I find it creepy, given the history of it all. Tradition is great, but I have no respect for mindless following of tradition, with zero thought about where it comes from or what it implicates. It's simply insulting to adult women. Why would anyone want to perpetuate this?</p>

<p>And are the rest of you who think this is a good idea, suggesting that the guy walk away from the plan if he doesn't get the right permission or 'blessing'? If not, then how on earth is it showing respect? And I'd like to think that respect in an adult relationship is earned from a long term relationship of getting to know someone, not based upon a singular mindless act of tradition.</p>

<p>My future son-in-law will receive my blessings via text message once he passes his MCAT and secures admission to a decent med school :-). </p>

<p>Until then, he needs to fill the Common Marriage Application like the rest of the suitors...</p>

<p>^ Ha ha. Is there an early decision option?</p>

<p>Just fill this out:</p>

<p>Application</a> for Permission to Date My Daughter</p>


<p>NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.</p>

<p>Here are the rules (hope LongPrime is reading):
Daddy's</a> Rules for Dating</p>

<p>this is my favorite:
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.</p>

<p>^ Lmao.
I feel like that's something my current boyfriend's mom would have given to me. </p>

<p>I don't know anyone who still asks. My dad didn't ask my mom's parents and I think my dad would be confused if anyone asked him for mine or my sister's hand in marriage. I'd probably be offended if anyone asked for my dad's "permission". My significant other wouldn't get any brownie points with me or my family by asking their blessing or permission just because that shows how much they don't know us. </p>

<p>Maybe it's different for religious families. I could actually see some of my religious friends asking their girlfriend's fathers before proposing. That's about the only group of people though.</p>

<p>If I was dating somebody who thought it was necessary to ask for permission from my father and I found out, I would have serious reservations about accepting that proposal.</p>

<p>It's similar to what Romani said, where it would just be an indication of how little they knew me or my views on the world and how much our societal views clashed.</p>

<p>And I would have just 2 questions.</p>

<li>Would D sign a prenuptial?</li>
<li>Hold Harmless for everything and anything that happens or not?</li>

<p>In our culture of today, asking permission is not necessary, but it is a nice gesture to speak with a woman's dad and just let him know your intentions. I think it would depend on the relationship the young lady has with her dad and how the young man views and honors that relationship. However, if you are an older woman, have been on your own for awhile, divorced or maybe a strained parental relationship, i dont see how that would even matter.</p>

<p>Starbright, early decision (negative) would be the result of said kid dropping out of pre-med... I think the message stuck since he's putting in a lot more effort :)</p>

<p>Coming from the part of the country where young women of a certain socio-economic class still make their 'debuts', yes...asking permission (or getting a blessing) is still very much expected (or at least considered a nice gesture of respect) least within certain circles.</p>

<p>As the mother of a son, when that day comes my advice to my son is to propose to the young lady in question, then ask her if she thinks he should go to her father. Most daughters would know whether their dads would care about something like this. I know my youngest brother (in his mid-twenties) 'spoke' to his now wife's father. It was more of a gesture of good will than anything else. The two had dated for years, even living together in college.</p>