@mondoz Since you are working with a professional, it is best to continue seeking their advice rather than strangers on the internet. This site is not an appropriate resource for the type of counseling you need, regardless of the best intentions of its contributors. Please continue to work with your therapist and take care of your mental and physical health. Many people on CC are rooting for you and hope one day you will return with a positive update. Until then, I’m closing the thread so you can concentrate on your healing. Best wishes.