Meeting Your S/D's date in high school

Parent Cafe
1

<p>re high school dating: Just curious what other parents expect these days after a conversation with a couple of friends. </p>

<p>One daughter has just started dating. Daughter expects to be able to have her date text her from the car and go out to the car without date coming in to meet parents. </p>

<p>Daughter’s mother thinks all dates, first date or more serious, not only should come ring the doorbell in lieu of texting, but should also come in and spend a few minutes chatting with the parents before leaving on the date. This is causing a rift between daughter and Mom. Daughter thinks the Mom is terribly old fashioned and Mom is trying to make sure her d is respected.</p>

<p>Just curious what other parent’s and their high schoolers think is reasonable in this day and age.</p>

2

<p>Must admit, in this day and age, I think a boy actually asking for a date is a sign of respect. I haven’t expected the boy to come in and meet the larger family on a first date.</p>

3

<p>What do you expect of your daughter’s other friends?</p>

<p>The line between going somewhere with a friend and going on a date is very blurred these days. I would not expect more contact with a “date” than with any other companion with whom your daughter is going somewhere.</p>

4

<p>Absolutely he should come in and say hello. My D’s boyfriend texted her and she was out the door…I was out right after her and invited date into the house where he had to sit with me in the kitchen and talk for a full 10 minutes. If he would have come to the door, a simple hello, handshake, and goodbye would have sufficed.</p>

<p>D now knows that ALL boys (and come to think of it all girls whom I do not know) have to come by the house first.</p>

5

<p>All dates have to come to the house. Both girls currently have fairly serious boyfriends. I wasn’t happy about the relationship with D2, but we allowed him to come to the house before taking her out the first time, and were so impressed with him that we allowed them to date and think the world of him. D1’s newer boyfriend came to the house, made eye contact, shook hands and gave a great impression. Since both of these gentlemen sometimes drive my precious babies, meeting them was imperative. D2’s boyfriend will now call or text me from time to time if he has an editing issue or has some information he thinks I would like to hear. Love him.</p>

6

<p>Since these are all kids we already know from school, dates or friends, we have just gotten used to the texting from the car. But if the date were someone we had never even seen before, would insist on him coming to the door.</p>

7

<p>I am in the minority in my house, but I think that calling or texting from the car is rude, akin to honking the horn. If you are going to pick someone up, you can go to the door. I mentioned this to my H who does not agree with me (this came up recently when he said he calls our kids’ cells from the car when he picks them up). I haven’t had to deal with this for dates yet, but since I have this stance with all visitors it will easily transfer to that. I like to be able to go over details like when they are coming home, when the person picking them up is there also at the door. When I am picking up my D I always like to go to the door and thank the hosts for the visit.</p>

8

<p>I like rule #1 :)</p>

<p>[Rules</a> for Dating my Daughter - The Funny Farm](<a href=“Yahoo | Mail, Weather, Search, Politics, News, Finance, Sports & Videos”>Yahoo | Mail, Weather, Search, Politics, News, Finance, Sports & Videos)</p>

9

<p>I generally try to see all of her dates and just to say hello. Somewhat lowkey, ie no grilling as to when they have to be back or anything like that. But we live in a safe area that kids can be out really late and parents don’t have to worry too much.</p>

10

<p>The parents should insist that the date ring the doorbell and they should make a point of meeting the boy.</p>

<p>Mom of 16 and 21 year old boys here. I would certainly want and expect them to ring the doorbell and be greeted by someone at the door when picking up a young woman regardless if it is a date or not. Preferably both would have the opportunity to meet the parent if the young woman lived at home, though that is less expected for the 21 year old. If the parent of a young woman showed no interest in the young man who was arriving in his car to pick her up, I would think that parental supervision/involvement/interest was lacking and would question the level of involvement I’d want my son to have with her. </p>

<p>I’d want my 16 year old son to be greeted by a parent each time he picked her daughter up for a date, and can’t imagine when it would be appropriate for him to text from the driveway for her to come out, which seems like the equivalent of honking the horn. It’s about respect and it goes both ways: respect that the young man has for his date and her parents, and respect that the date’s parents have (or will hopefully develop) for the young man.</p>

<p>Meeting parents of friends is good experience. </p>

<p>Ideally I would like to meet any high school student who might be picking up my son and driving him around, whether it’s a friend or a date, either gender. When you drive my kid around in your car, you are taking responsibility for my kid’s safety as a passenger. When someone picks my kid up, I am going to read every piece of verbal and non-verbal communication I can and assess that person’s level of sincerity, maturity, responsibility, courtesy, sobriety, warmth, chemistry with my child, etc. (no particular order but certainly sobriety is up there) I am going to ask a couple of test questions to see if the answers match up with my understanding of the evening’s plans, and confirm the time I expect my child to return to the house. I will be awake to greet whoever returns to the house later. I try to do this with an open mind, courtesy, and warmth. I consider it one of my responsibilities as a parent.</p>

<p>If the young person is not giving me eye contact or is unwilling to meet me or is rude, flip, snapping their chewing gum, etc. that would send a negative message regardless of their gender. If the kid won’t get out of the car, I wonder if he/she is too lazy or hiding something.</p>

<p>Texting a friend from the car for a driveway pickup is something that good friends do to save time especially when picking up a number of kids. If I’ve already met the kid, it’s okay, and in fact for boys picking up other guys it’s pretty standard for them to not come in, though I’d prefer they ring the doorbell. </p>

<p>When parents are picking up, it is customary around here for them to call or text the kid’s cell phone when they arrive in the driveway, to avoid ringing the doorbell late at night.</p>

<p>And maybe I am terribly old fashioned but this is one area of old-fashionedness that I feel we parents have a right to exercise at will!</p>

11

<p>Yes, he should come in and say “hello.” Common courtesy. Important parental oversight.</p>

12

<p>There would be hell to pay for my boys if either of them honked or texted from the car when picking up a date. I don’t have girls, but I’d never let her out of the house with a boy who couldn’t be bothered to walk to the front door.</p>

13

<p>When I was a dating teenager, I was absolutely mortified when the boy honked from the curb. Never saw him again.
Both D and S know what to do and what is expected</p>

14

<p>And furthermore! Remember that since toddlerhood these kids have marinated in cartoons, tv shows, commercials, movies, etc. that portray every possible variation of the iconic “meeting the parents” moment or “dealing with the stern father of your date.” It’s a script with which they are very familiar even if their own parents haven’t drilled it into them. They practically expect to be required to meet the parents for a serious pre-date look-over and grilling! Why cheat them out of their own “meet the parent” moment?!? Run with it, give those guys plenty of significant eye contact, put his digits in your cell phone, look at your watch 100 times, etc. Sure, it can be a little awkward, especially for the young’uns, but everyone will get through it.</p>

15

<p>For dates, my boys go to the door. For friends, it depends on the situation. If they were just going to hang out, they’d probably go to the door, go in and figure out what to do next. If they were on their way to meet friends, go to a movie, picking up a friend for school, etc, most often they would text from the curb. </p>

<p>Most of my kids’ friends drive themselves now, but when they were being picked up by parents or older sibs, nearly 100% of the time they’d get a cell phone call. When I was picking up my kids, I almost always called the cell. Often it was late, and it was nice to know that I wasn’t disturbing anyone in the house by a ringing the doorbell.</p>

16

<p>We hate our doorbell and our phone. It’s just fine with me if friends text them to say they are outside waiting.</p>

<p>Sons are 18 and 20. I hope I they went to the door. I’m going to check for sure after reading this thread! Oldest has a steady girlfriend so they just come and go.</p>

<p>D is much younger. She’ll be lucky if H lets her back out the door with anyone. They’ll be so tired after his interrogation that potential date will probably race out backwards faster than a college tour guide…</p>

17

<p>Maybe I’m missing something, but if I go to pick up one of my kids at a friend’s house, I hope that the parents are still awake and that ringing the bell would not be disturbing the household. It also gives me the chance to scope out the house and maybe meet the parents myself. Or are we talking about much younger siblings with earlier bedtimes? If it is too late to disturb the household then it is too late for the friends to still be there… JMHO which I know is not the accepted norm even in my house… Also if a kid is over my house, I would much prefer the parent picking up to come to the door. If a kid gets a text and bolts out the door, I can assume it is to a parent’s car but how do you know. Most of my older D’s friends drive themselves now but younger is still tied to parent taxi services.</p>

<p>I’m just talking for HS kids, for older kids the situation is different.</p>

18

<p>Technology should never trump or replace manners</p>

19

<p>I’m old school too. The guys have figured out that if they come into the house and chat with me a for a few minutes, I am much more likely to go along with whatever other boundary pushing-plan they might come up with. Some of these conversations have resulted in summer job recommendations, references, and so on. </p>

<p>My husband seems to have trouble chatting with the guys. I’d love to hear an explanation for that. He’s otherwise socially adept. </p>

<p>My youngest is a boy and when he starts dating he dang well better talk to the parents.</p>

20

<p>My husband always turns in by 10pm if not before, so any doorbell-ringing after that would wake him up. When kids are in the house at night, they tend to go down to the basement where he can’t hear them. I’m the one who stays up.</p>