<p>our rule is of you can’t come in and make polite chit chat with us ( parents ) then you are not going to go to far with our daughters. We are very family oriented and have always been very welcoming to friends of our kids…If you can’t deal with that …
We understand the whole texting as a form of communication , but sometimes face to face is absolutely necessary and respectable.</p>
<p>I made my D1’s prom date to drive me around the block before he was allowed to drive her to the prom. D1 is in college now living in a sorority. Her boyfriend comes into her house to take her out. She said most girls do have boys come to the house to pickup and drop off for dates.</p>
<p>Our D2 at age 15 had her first date a few months ago. The boy lived pretty far away, so they decided to meet at the movie theater. The boy’s father had drop him off (waiting in the car), and our daughter was dropped off by my H. The fathers actually got out of their cars and shook hands.</p>
<p>No boy is going to text my daughter outside of my house to expect her to come running out.</p>
<p>I never really thought too much about this. My daughter started dating a guy in HS and neither had cell phones so it wasn’t an option. Older son didn’t start dating until this past fall in College. Youngest son just started dating this fall and he’s 15 and doesn’t drive so as the chauffeur, I wait in the car while he goes to the door to retrieve her. When it’s cold out, like it has been lately, I think it would be nice if she would just run out when we pull up, that’s what his guy friends do when we carpool. I can see doing the meet-the-parent thing at first but most times the parents aren’t around when he comes to the door now.</p>
<p>I think we lucked out in that the parents of the first boy that asked my son on a date also wanted to meet us. We did the handshaking all around while the boys stood by and looked somewhat mortified. After that it was text/run out to car.</p>
<p>Since I seriously did have one father conduct a safety inspection of my car when I was 16 - and another cleaning his shotgun when I picked his daughter up, I think I have become quite modern in my thinking.</p>
<p>Having said that, as the father of a 16YO girl, her young men will be coming in to say hello or they won’t be going out with my daughter… </p>
<p>Honking the horn will mean that I’ll sic the dog on them. Then again, he is a golden retriever so he will simply wag his tale and make a new friend :)</p>
<p>PS Highland Mom - too funny</p>
<p>Come to the door, make polite introductions or no date!!! We have two D’s. 20 and 17. Interesting that the 17 runs out after texts with friends and older one never did. If it is a date, however, she’d be in big trouble if the guy didn’t get introduced!!!</p>
<p>Have you heard the country song “Cleaning This Gun” by Rodney Atkins?
(Chorus)
Come on in boy sit on down
And tell me about yourself
So you like my daughter do you now?
Yeah we think she’s something else
She’s her daddy’s girl
Her momma’s world
She deserves respect
Thats what she’ll get
Now ain’t it son?
Yall run along and have a little fun
I’ll see you when you get back
Probably be up all night
Still cleanin’ this gun</p>
<p>“she deserves respect that’s what she’ll get now aint it son” You can not underestimate the power of a man who says this to the boy at the door. </p>
<p>I am 100% in mom’s camp for two reasons.</p>
<p>1st, is respect for your daughter and for you. I agree that asking for a date in this day and age is old fashioned so why not insist that it be taken to the next step? Neither my H nor I would ever consider allowing either of our daughters to leave our home and get in a car with a young man who didn’t respect her or us enough to go through the hassle of spending a couple of awkward moments with us in the living room chatting. If that eliminates some prospects from the dating pool I call it natural selection.</p>
<p>2nd is personal paranoia and admitted melodrama. More than a decade ago a young woman who was a student at the high school where I teach was murdered by her bf. I will never forget the tearful interview with her father who said he didn’t really know the bf and had only met him briefly one or two times though the two had been together for close to a year. No, when the bf came to pick her up he didn’t text her, he did the equivelent for the 90s which was to honk the horn. (didn’t our mothers forbid us from running to the cars of boys who did that? Mine did and I am grateful that she taught me to have standards) Her parents never demanded that this young man respect her or them enough to come in, greet everyone and (gasp!!) form a relationship. If they had, maybe things would have ended differently, maybe not but that has stuck with with me.</p>
<p>My D is going out on a date tomorrow, she asked him out, she will pay, and he is going to pick her up in his car. Honestly I had not thought about this. Hmm…I better tidy up the living room in case he rings the doorbell and wants to come in and sit and chat.</p>
<p>Come to think of it , when any friend comes over, I think it is polite to come and say " hi"
when my daughter and her friends had gatherings at our home last year , most of them poked their heads in the living room and at least said hello.
Not that we expect them to hang out with us , I just think it is polite to acknowlege the parents whose house you are visiting.
I can only think of one girl that doesn’t seem too willing o do this</p>
<p>I must be ancient. Why is it old-fasioned to ask someone out on a date? What do kids do instead?</p>
<p>youdon’tsay, they just dont seem to do that much anymore. For the most part teens at my hs tell me the hang out either in groups or 1 on 1 at one another’s homes. I rail in my classroom from time to time about the loss of such a sweet and important tradition but it is the rare young man who will ask a girl to go to a movie and a burger until after they are bf/gf and even then it is not common. I think it’s partly a function of the shift to mixed gender friend groupings from single gender groupings that most of us had. Today’s teen’s group of close friends is more likely to include both boys and girls and it seems that that lends itself to the hang out method of getting to know eachother. The lingo at my hs goes like this:
first a boy and girl will be “talking to” eachother ie flirting and getting to know eachother
next they will “hook up” which varies in meaning from hand holding to sex
finally they will be officially bf/gf and will walk the halls of school holding hands
then only maybe will there be dates.</p>
<p>There are benefits to getting to know eachother as part of a group first but I mourn the loss of the dating ritual and plan to enourage my own boy, now 13 to be one of those rare boys who will invite a girl to go with him to the show and then take her out for ice cream after. BTW he will know that if I ever hear of him refusing to go inside to be socialble w/ the girl’s parents he’s gonna get it.</p>
<p>Got it. Seems foreign to have a bf/gf you haven’t even gone out on a date. We dated first, of course, to see whether they were decent gf/bf material. But certainly both my boys hang out in mixed-gender groups so I get the idea of a casualness to a relationship with the opposite sex and think it’s really quite healthy.</p>
<p>And I guess you just expand the group if a new boy/girl piques your interest?</p>
<p>I’m wondering because S1 has been on one “date” between eighth and ninth grades with a girl he met at a camp. She goes to another high school in town. They ran into each other again at a college reception this week. If he wants to ask her out, he’d have to ASK her out as there’s no way they could just hang in the hallway or during lunch. I guess he could ask her to come to a party but not as a date? In fact, he’s having a party in a couple of weeks. Guess we’ll see whether she shows!</p>
<p>I have boys and my oldest to goes to the door for dates. I know he does because he’s talked about how intimidating some of the parents can be. I would be appalled if he sat in the driveway and texted the girl.<br>
If I drop my 15 year old off at house of a friend (boy or girl) <em>I</em> go meet the parents if I don’t already know them. Many times, boys are dropped off here for overnighters and I’ve never met the kids’ parents. No way would I drop off my 15 year old for a sleep-over without meeting the parents. I need to assess whether they will be home and sober, etc., if my kid is sleeping over.</p>
<p>I agree with historymom that it seems to be the norm. At the same time, I think boys or girls will behave differently if it’s worth it to them. People will treat you the way you allow to be treated. Therefore, by not allowing your daughter’s date to just honk or text, you are also sending a message to her date how you expect your daughter to be treated.</p>
<p>My D complained about her new boyfriend not think of dropping her off at a restaurant first when it was freezing cold out and she was all dressed up. When we took them out to a dinner one time, my husband made a point of dropping all of us off first before he went to park the car.</p>
<p>That reminds me of an incident from long ago. A co-worker and I, both females, were going to lunch, and I was driving. This was before auto door locks. I unlocked and opened her door first, then went to my side and got in. This went on for weeks. Finally, one day, she admitted how surprised she was that I let her in first each and every time we went to lunch. I hadn’t given it a thought. Just good manners to me as she was a guest in my car. I noticed from there on out that whenever she drove, she’d do the same for me. :)</p>
<p>All this talk makes me think I need to make sure my boys know that there are no short-cuts on basic good manners. I pray that the burping and slurping they do at the dinner table is saved for our home only. Ewwww. Even when their male friends come fetch them the guys come to the door – no honking or calling or texting.</p>
<p>I think that all first date “partners” should be subjected to water boarding until they disclose what they actually plan on doing on this “date”. </p>
<p>just kidding. </p>
<p>Im a HS guy and true dates are a fading tradition from what I can see. usually you both just hang out with a group of people (common friends usually) first until you get to know each other better and then you might break off and start going to movies or something. Dinner dates are especially rare. I also notice that at my HS most people have somewhat of their own car and usually everyone just meets up somewhere.</p>
<p>and yes, asking someone out on a date is a sign of respect in today’s HS. usually people just try to do something along the lines of hooking up and walking away.</p>
<p>cman - thank-you for your input. Now you have ventured into Parent’s forum…How do you feel about traditional dating?</p>
<p>oldfort and Yds: Your stories are cute and you reminded of one reason my college bf never became my husband. It was 1987: my birthday and pouring rain. I was dressed nicely and had actally take time to do my hair and makeup (a rarity in those days) and he was taking me to my favorite restaurant. He picked me up with an umbrella, and walked me tot he car holding it over my head. Sounds nice right? Well when we got to the car, which was parked curbside he left me standing in the downpour sans umbrella and went around to unock his door, get in and then lean over and unlock mine. Ever heard the expression “mad a a wet hen?”</p>
<p>My next boyfriend actually made a point of opening the car door for me both coming a going. He is now my husband of almost 20 years 
And like your husband always dropped us off close to the entrance before parking.</p>
<p>cman: thanks for posting. Girls appreciate being shown the respect and a young man who will spring for an evening out will no doubt reap the rewards by attracting self respecting young women.</p>
<p>Yes, cman, do tell.</p>