<p>In the NE we are having a snow storm, I am good for some story telling.</p>
<p>Wow. geek_son would nevereverever think of texting a girl and waiting in the car for her. When he asks a girl out to a dance, he asks her father for permission first. Then he usually makes a pretty big deal of the ask – the request is accompanied with flowers in her favorite color, something home-baked (yes, he makes it himself), or some other build-up that’s appropriate to her personality. He doesn’t have much respect for the guys who casually ask, “So, um, yawannagotathedance?” Doesn’t think they respect the girls very much or are sufficiently interested in them as people. He’ll do the “let’s all go as a group” thing too, but often more out of deference to the girl’s comfort level.</p>
<p>The very idea of not knowing the girl’s parents (and being on friendly terms) well before the date would be pretty alien to him right now. I’m sure this will change somewhat in college since the girls’ parents won’t be so accessible, but he’ll still be the college boyfriend who’s actually eager to go visit her home and meet her parents.</p>
<p>If I had a daughter, I think I’d greatly favor a suitor who saw five minutes of pre-date socializing as an opportunity to charm the socks off her parents and even get them on his side with her (it’s happened a few times) – rather than as a grilling session to avoid by waiting in the car. What’s the other fellow got to hide, anyway?</p>
<p>Oldest d (college senior) will not go out when asked through Facebook or by text. The boy has to call and ask. The young man she dates now first asked for a lunch date (or two) between classes and I know of at least one dinner date. Things are more casual now.</p>
<p>Asked son (college sophomore) about current gf. Lots of hanging out BUT he does ask her on official dinner dates on occasion … because he thinks its important to do so. (Wow - who knew?)</p>
<p>Youngest d’s bf went to a different hs and so the dates were more formal … every weekend he would ask her to a movie or school event or she would invite him to something at her hs. She had a heck of time getting him to let her pay her own way to the movies; he believed that he had asked so he should pay. Occasionally she managed to do so.</p>
<p>Parents:</p>
<p>The times have changed, traditional dating is fading out. Today, it takes EXTREME guts to straight up ask someone out. I know for a fact that in my HS, if guys want to get to know a girl, they somehow end up crossing paths with them and talk to them and walk away with their phone number and proceed to run up YOUR cell phone bills until the guy gets the nerve to ask the girl if she “wants to hang out this weekend” (I’m Guilty of this one). This could be because EVERYBODY in today’s world has an extreme fear or rejection. If a guy gets rejected in today’s HS, its embarrassing because you know that the girls gossip to each other and everyone will know about your ‘rejection’. Plus, the only way you can really straight up get rejected is by straight up asking someone out. If you do it casually like I said, then if a girl doesn’t want to get to know you, it will slowly fade away, instead of face-to-face rejection. It’s a lot easier to hide behind your keypad. It all comes down to confrontation. </p>
<p>P.S. In HS, there is a difference between hooking up numerous times and dating… Dating is only official once its on facebook. I’m only halfway kidding haha. </p>
<p>I’m glad I can give you guys some insight into our world.</p>
<p>Edit: Plus, it takes a real genuine girl to like the traditional way of things. Most girls today like the new way of things as far as I can tell, but I’m not one, so I wouldn’t really know.</p>
<p>Thanks, cman.</p>
<p>Rejection and gossip were a ***** back in our day, too, but social norms and lack of technology didn’t allow us to hide as easily. 
You’re so lucky! :D</p>
<p>Funny about Facebook. My son is not at all interested in gossip, but I am, so he feeds me info about who’s dating whom based on the newsfeed – or whatever its called! ;)</p>
<p>Ya, funny thing about facebook too: This years freshmen at my high school have taken to having FULL fledged, pouring-out-their-heart, confessing-they-lost-their-lifelong-love type conversations on the “piece” of news about relationships ending (you can “comment” on everything now days.</p>
<p>I told my brother I’d give my mom his password if I ever saw him doing this haha.</p>
<p>You’re a good big brother. :)</p>
<p>atomom, that’s the first thing I thought of!! And I dont have any daughters. 
(post#27)
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/1061622658-post27.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/1061622658-post27.html</a></p>
<p>geek-mom is geekson available? DDs have never been asked out largely because they don’t “put themselves out there” (No make up, jeans and hoodies and no clue or interest in flirting)They are quiet and well, a little geeky but of course beautiful and funny ;). I think it will take a young man like your S who will invest some time and effort into getting to know them for them to make that leap. When they are ready I hope the find someone like him. :)</p>
<p>My son tells me that at his high school, dating is actually the last step in a relationship. Kids hang out in groups and figure out if they like one another after lots of group activities, with the help of friends, Facebook, etc. He says that actually going out on a date – i.e., just a couple going to a movie – is almost like a marriage commitment here. Kids do not date around to see who they like; they decide they are a couple first and THEN go on a date, so once they go out as a couple they are already exclusive. It’s official when posted on Facebook.</p>
<p>That is backwards from how it was in my day, but I was never a fan of formal “dates” anyway. Old-fashioned dating sort of disappeared once I went to college. Never dated my husband.</p>
<p>I always use the cell phone when picking up kids – I don’t want to meet any parents. Kids’ school is very small, though, and I am acquainted with most of the parents anyway.</p>
<p>I try to let my daughter be in control of her romantic pursuits. If she wants the date to meet me, fine. If she doesn’t, that is OK with me. I really don’t think I would be able to ‘size up’ a boy in the 10 minutes or so that he would chat with me. Of course he would be on his best behavior with me. I have to trust that my D had more reliable data to go on when she agreed to go on a date with him.</p>
<p>“When he asks a girl out to a dance, he asks her father for permission first.”
Well, that’s a first. I’m curious; how do the dads respond?</p>
<p>yeah, the asking the dad seems a bit over the top. I’m all for them coming in to meet my parents, but if a guy asked my dad if he could take me to a dance (especially before he asked me) I would be really angry.</p>
<p>^^Was thinking the same thing – seems rather paternalistic to me.</p>
<p>Geekmom, I’m sure Highland Daughter would love to meet Geek Son!! And so would Highland Dad :)</p>
<p>historymom and HighlandMom – He’s available, and of course I think he’s cute and charming too, but he’d probably be mortified if I identified him here.! :o But if your daughters are headed for the Claremont system, let me know! 
(BTW, historymom, he doesn’t like much makeup on a girl anyway. He keeps asking me, why do girls wear that cr@p? :D)</p>
<p>woody, the response from fathers has never been negative – it really depends on the father. The first one he asked told him, “You did the right thing by asking.” And although the girl wasn’t romantically interested, they’ve become friends and he’s developed a great relationship with the parents. OTOH, the most recent father he asked – from a less traditional family – said, “Go right ahead and ask her, I couldn’t stop you anyway.” </p>
<p>ec1234 and bela – He’s not asking for the father’s permission to take the girl out – only permission to ask her. The choice is still hers, but Dad does have veto power. But maybe you’ll appreciate the notion that he’s running interference with your dad so you don’t have to… if your dad finds the guy unacceptable, the guy won’t ask you out and you won’t have any conflict with dad over dating him.</p>
<p>Once he and the prospective girls are in college, away from home and past the age of consent, I don’t know whether (or how) he’ll continue asking the fathers. But I know he’ll always consider it important to know the parents and make sure they’re comfortable with him.</p>
<p>I expect to meet, at least briefly, anyone who DS is heading out with if I haven’t before. He expects this and seems to have no problem doing a quick “Mom, this is John / Jane Doe” as they leave.</p>
<p>The girlfriend is from Taiwan (moved here when she was pretty young) and chats with me every time she’s here. The problem is that her parents don’t approve of their children dating while in school (even her older brother who is away at college), so she “hides” my son from them. I’m not happy about this at all, and DS admits that he feels weird about it, but she says that she and her siblings have gotten used to it. I don’t like being a fellow conspirator.</p>
<p>I’m a bit older (26)… but I’ve been ‘dating’ a co-worker of mine… we haven’t called each other bf/gf as of yet… I don’t really know where this will lead to, but we’ll see. Neither of us have met each others parents (yet). We mostly go out on actual “dates” (We go out to dinner a lot, or to the movies, or to sporting events, etc). He doesn’t text me from the car though, he comes to the door. He’s also 30, so not exactly a teenager. Lately we’ve been a bit more domestic and have been hanging out at home. I’m cooking us dinner on Sunday and we’re watching a movie. :)</p>
<p>geek_mom, With all due respect, why would your son ask the girls FATHER if it’s okay to ask his daughter out? Why not the mother? Frankly, I still find that paternalistic and if I were the girl, I would be offended. As a parent, I want to know who my kids are doing things with, whether it’s boys or girls, a date or just going to the movies but no one needs my permission to ask for them to do something. Of course, my son needs to make sure that a date (not a person, but the logistics) is okay with me, but it’s between him and his girlfriend to decide what they do. ummm, within reason! </p>
<p>I trust my kids judgment in choosing all their friends.</p>
<p>kath, i think it’s more of an old fashioned thing or a culture thing. a kid that i went to college with was the same way. he actually asked this girls father for permission to ‘court’ her! then, for permission to ‘marry’ her! I was amazed!</p>