<p>I realize that some women do bring the subject of marriage up, and some women give ultimatums…</p>
<p>But, in many/most cases, the woman has to wait for the guy to propose.</p>
<p>I realize that the tradition began at a time when a man had to decide whether he could afford to support a wife - so it made sense then.</p>
<p>But, why does that tradition still exist today? </p>
<p>Why don’t we have a certain number of women planning romantic proposals to present to their men? </p>
<p>I don’t think I’ve ever seen a “Stadium Proposal” by a woman. </p>
<p>Why must women wait for the man to propose (in most cases)? </p>
<p>Some might argue that’s it’s because if the man wanted to get married, then he would propose. Therefore the fact that he hasn’t means that he doesn’t want to. </p>
<p>Does this tradition perpetuate anything that should long be gone in an equal rights world?</p>
<p>It’s tradition. I can’t really say that I am able to think of any other reason why this is the case. The boyfriend and I partake in an equal relationship. Times are changing.
I paid for the first date (we went Dutch)…at the time it bothered him but he got over it soon enough. :p</p>
<p>It seems odd to me too that this tradition persists. My H never surprised me with a proposal because we had already talked about it. I can’t even remember who brought it up first. </p>
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<p>I hate to say it but I think this might be true a lot of the time. But there are guys out there who just don’t think of it because everything is at a comfortable place for them. Especially the younger ones</p>
Because women have more common sense than men? ;)</p>
<p>Seriously, I think that women still hold out for the “ring”. Stereotypcially, men are more nervous about commitment than women and when he pulls out that ring - it makes the woman feel like the proposal is her beau’s <em>choice</em>. (Even if she nagged…)</p>
<p>My H never surprised me with a proposal because we had already talked about it.</p>
<p>*it makes the woman feel like the proposal is her beau’s <em>choice</em>. (Even if she nagged…) *</p>
<p>When H and I were dating, my birthday came and I had expected a proposal. (we were in our mid-to-late 20s then - plenty old enough - making great money, etc). I was so annoyed when it didn’t come. The next day I calmly told him he had 30 days to propose or I would be “moving on.” It didn’t take him long to decide. About a week later, he was down on one knee. LOL Our 25th anniversary is this month! :)</p>
<p>But…again…that was over 25 years ago…why does this tradition still persist?</p>
<p>I know many women who were proposed to after delivering the ultimatum and a few who did the proposing! I did neither as I was more the runaway bride type and just not ready to marry until I turned 30 (thank goodness, because it was an epic failure but I was mature enough to handle it). But I find it very off-putting if a man I date confides that his first marriage wasn’t “really his idea” and that has happened more times than I can count. I personally think a lot of younger guys don’t feel the need to marry until they want to have children, especially if the “benefits” are already being provided! They don’t realize that those first few years of “alone time” can go a long way toward cementing the relationship.</p>
<p>Well, one Friday evening we plan to attend a nice dinner in a beautiful restaurant, next to a lake, where you could see the sunset…I was expecting to enjoy the view and dinner and the great company of my BF at that time…them surprisingly he pull a beautiful box and inside was the ring we look each other, he proposed and the rest is history…22 years together! The people around celebrated the joy with us…and a cake was brought from the restaurant’s management.</p>
<p>This was a memorable event, since then, we have visited the place twice because we are out of state.</p>
<p>Love the rollercoaster…ups and downs, happiness and sorrows, bad and good times …a life to share!</p>
Why not? Why do most first dates involve the men asking the woman out? Maybe the women enjoy being asked.</p>
<p>Why do most women take their husband’s name? And the one that flabergasts me: even when the woman keeps her maiden name, the children bear his. If I valued my identity that much (I dont. I had no problem taking his name), my children would take MY name.</p>
<p>I remember it was about the 5 time I saw him, and 3rd official date, and I had to corner him against the wall and plant one on him to get that first kiss. Three weeks later he asked me to marry him. Six months after that I said yes. We were married 22 years.</p>
<p>I kept my name, his was too hard to spell. Our girls have his name, as he was the last boy in his lineage, and they name would die out otherwise. They have my last name as a middle name. If they suddenly become uber feminist, they can drop their last name, and use their middle name.</p>
<p>Why not? Why do most first dates involve the men asking the woman out? Maybe the women enjoy being asked.</p>
<p>Again…it’s been a tradition based on who typically pays. And, unless the guy is the shy type, most guys will ask if they want a date with a particular girl, and won’t if they don’t.</p>
<p>Why do most women take their husband’s name? And the one that flabbergasts me: even when the woman keeps her maiden name, the children bear his.</p>
<p>Yes, I’ve never understood that either. However, I didn’t have a problem taking my H’s last name (my maiden name was foreign and odd - I was glad to get rid of it and all the annoyances that went with it…LOL.) I do like the idea of a “family name,” but I don’t care which way it goes…wife’s or H’s.</p>
<p>the proposal language sounds something like: “I’ll be finishing up medical school, and then I’ll be doing my residency, so maybe we can do the wedding between the residency and my fellowship. So what if you propose in June?”</p>
<p>LOL… It sounds like she just proposed and then let him mime the words. He could have sent a “stand in.”</p>
<p>*So how is all this bargaining affecting gender dynamics? “The norm that the man has to take control of the proposal has been greatly undermined and eroded,” says Kathleen Gerson, a professor of sociology at New York University. “Women want to feel they have more control of where a relationship is going instead of waiting to react.”</p>
<p>Yet the gender dance is still being worked out. Josh Brentan, who blogs at thegroomwithaview.com, proposed to his girlfriend in July after an open discussion about getting engaged. “But I was happy that I could surprise her with the actual proposal. It’s nice to still have some proprietary feeling over it,” he says. Ms. Green’s husband has said he feels slightly cheated that he didn’t get to surprise her with his proposal.*</p>
<p>See, men still feel that they need to have some leadership in the proposal.</p>
<p>*Even so, do not mistake this for a level playing field. While there is more negotiation and compromise about the marriage timetable, Ms. Miller says her research showed that the man still holds the power to shut down the marriage conversation. *</p>
<p>I would like to hear from more men on CC about their thoughts about this subject.</p>
<p>I agree that it’s odd that men still predominately propose. Just “tradition”, I guess. I know a lot of women who ask men out on dates these days, though. </p>
<p>Of course, there’s an inherent risk that comes with the “surprise” proposal. A guy should be DAMN SURE the answer’s going to be yes before he pops the “surprise.” If you poke around YouTube, there’s a video of a guy who went on a basketball court at half time with a microphone and proposed to his girlfriend. She looked embarrassed, shook her head, and fled the building. He was left there holding the microphone looking CRUSHED as the announcers laughed at the awkwardness of it all.</p>
<p>Haha, how great. I see it as the next great thing that could come out of CC. We could start a new section on CC where parents could take their helicoptering to a new level and match their kids up with the kids of other CC parents. Think of it, we could go back and search threads and thoroughly vet out potential candidates, finding out every weakness, strength, stats, etc. Why have we been wasting our time trying to match our kids to the perfect college/grad school/job when we could be matching them to the perfect spouse?</p>