<p>^^^sounds like a good business venture =P (Although I’d run away if my parents tried to do this to me)</p>
<p>Just wanted to comment on the whole taking the husband’s last name after marriage–that’s actually not the tradition in most Asian countries. My mother kept her name–it always becomes awkward at back to school nights because the teachers always assume to address my mom as Mrs. XYZ when that’s not the case. Personally, I don’t plan on taking my husband’s name when/if I ever get married. As for the kids’ names, I want at two kids so maybe we can split the naming process–one takes my husbands name and one takes my name.</p>
<p>I also think tradition is the largest factor in why it’s still men that propose. Personally, if I thought I’ve got the right guy–I’d talk about marriage with him and then decide whether to wait for him to ask or ask myself–after knowing that he’s willing to make the commitment.</p>
<p>I would only take a hubby’s last name it sounded cooler than mine. </p>
<p>Yes:</p>
<p>Raven, Fox, Skywalker</p>
<p>No:</p>
<p>Jones, Smith, Hutt</p>
<p>My pet peeve is using the husband’s FIRST name to refer to the wife, like “Mrs. Jeremy Robinson”. Unless she has five sisters who ALSO married Robinsons, I find that pointless and demeaning. Thankfully you don’t see it as much these days.</p>
<p>30 years ago when I got married I took H’s name. I really wanted to keep mine, but I knew his family would be upset, so it wasn’t worth the hassle. I kept my maiden (odd term there, isn’t it?) name as my middle name and the woman at the social security office got mad and had to redo my card. </p>
<p>
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<p>I so agree. It seems to make the wife invisible.</p>
<p>Unlike many of my contemporaries, I did not care if I used my new husband’s name or the one I had used up until then. My reason: my last name up until then was mine only because it had been my father’s name. So I felt it was a choice between my father’s name and my husband’s name (odd, I know) and nobody was trying to change the only name that was mine alone, which was my first name.</p>
<p>A hyphenated name was out of the question: 2 longish awkward names.</p>
<p>I’m still laughing about, but somewhat serious about the idea of a “CC parents match kids” thread.
Heaven knows my clueless son will have to be guided down life’s paths by a female…</p>
<p>As far as “the question” goes, I think the big, overdone proposal thing has fed along with the “Say Yes to the Dress” and the “Dream Wedding” nonsense.</p>
<p>My mom actually had this kind of thing on her bank checks, until my sister told her that all she was is an added “s.” LOL Then, my mom changed her checks.</p>
<p>(Besides, her checks didn’t even match her drivers license!)</p>
<p>But, back to topic…</p>
<p>I really wish some men would post about why they think men should (or shouldn’t) be the ones proposing.</p>
<p>My personal feeling is that this, along with a lot of other traditions, is stupid. My H and I talked about getting married, and decided we would. We looked at rings, and I picked out an emerald ring (my birthstone). Then we went out to dinner. I do know women who expect the man to come up with some elaborate proposal scheme. I also know several women who are known by their husband’s last name socially, but never legally changed it and still use their name professionally.</p>
<p>How about if we strip men of all decision making and eliminate any of their masculinity. For instance, let’s tell men they must wear dresses, panties, and grow their hair out, etc. Let’s make certain they are not allowed to give their surnames. Woman should always wear pants, get tatoos with naked men dangling on their arms, and not allow men to speak unless women tell them to. </p>
<p>In general, women are NEVER happy with anything. They constantly challenge authority and irritate society. Just chill out women!!! You gripe about everything in life, perpetually PMS. Just be happy!</p>
<p>^Young teenage ■■■■■, I was hoping you disappeared: please get off the parent forum and go play with your peers. You do not actually read the thread or the point of posts you jump into-- since that would make it more difficult for you to come up with a sufficiently annoying post to rankle everyone. Skip the straw man and slippery slope fallacies- try arguing with the REAL point being made, instead of some imaginary extreme one. </p>
<p>Anyway, back to the thread…is it still the norm to even do formal proposals anymore? I was of the mindset that most couples sort of talk about it for some time. The little ‘event’ is really just symbolic.</p>
<p>Hey star, I must have struck a nerve. It was entertaining hearing your parental voice. There is nothing more loving and honorable then to take your husband’s name. It is a tool to show your love for his commitment to taking care of you the rest of his life and to bless you kids with his security. Men are wonderful and I wish they were far more honored by women today.</p>
<p>*is it still the norm to even do formal proposals anymore? I was of the mindset that most couples sort of talk about it for some time. The little ‘event’ is really just symbolic. *</p>
<p>It seems like some kind of combo…couples talk about it, but the guy is (often) expected to do some kind of formal or informal proposal.</p>
<p>I did have a friend who really, really wanted to get married. She was about 30 and had been living with the same guy for about 7 years. He NEVER brought up the “M word”. She was afraid to bring it up, because he so obviously avoided it. They even had a child together. They are married now, but it took some parental pressure to get him to propose.</p>
<p>OK, I’m back. I kept my last name but my kids got H’s last name. I knew someone whose D had her last name and S had H’s last name. I was really surprised because it hadn’t occurred to me. </p>
<p>I hate the idea of giving a BF an ultimatum. How about a marriage proposal instead? Nothing takes the thrill off a wedding like knowing the groom was dragged there under the gun. I guess I was lucky though, I had a BF who was if anything, more eager to tie the knot than I was. I don’t know what I would have done if I had one of those recalcitrant types. Maybe an ultimatum! ;)</p>
<p>I know this sounds nutty, but I wonder if there is an advantage to having the guy propose. </p>
<p>A very close friend told me that her H never proposed. She just got tired of waiting and told him that they were going to get married or they should break up. But, she didn’t give him time to think about it, and she didn’t tell him that he needed to propose. He was expected to give an immediate answer to something that had not been on his radar at all. He just said, “ok”. </p>
<p>To this day, he has told her that he’s not sure why he got married. He obviously never really felt like he was able to make his own thoughtful decision. </p>
<p>I’m glad that I told my H that he had a month to make a decision. It only took him about a week, but for a guy who doesn’t have marriage on his immediate radar, expecting a quick decision is probably not a good idea.</p>
<p>I don’t know what I would have done if I had one of those recalcitrant types. Maybe an ultimatum!</p>
<p>My H comes from a family where his siblings met their future spouses when they were teenagers, so they all had REALLY long dating/engagements. So, my H was just “programmed” into thinking that couples date for years and years and years before marriage. He hadn’t processed the fact that that might not be best for a couple who meets while in their mid to late 20s. He just had it in his head that people date for a long, long, long time before getting married. I think a couple of years is enough for an older couple. </p>
<p>So, that’s why I gave an ultimatum. First of all, we had dated long enough. Secondly, my bio clock was ticking and if he wasn’t going to “$hi+ or get off the pot,” I knew that I needed to move on. (My H was not the least bit aware that a woman’s fertility can be negatively affected the later she tries to have kids.)</p>
<p>Lastly, my H hates change. He has a real fear of it. He hates moving, changing jobs, buying cars…you name it.</p>
<p>@mouse, I tho’t I was addressing my statement to a different poster. Hmmm. Anyway, I will guard myself from getting all crusty and jaded by a liberal mindset when I get old. Perhaps old crass comments about men come from those who have low standards such as having participated in premarital sex and the like. Yuck. I want to remain unjaded.</p>
<p>Naturally,
I got a wedding invitation that NEVER included wife’s first name on it. Turns out its for dtr of a distant female cousin. First time I ever received an invitation like this.</p>
<p>Truelove: in certain way you want to create conscience about the beauty in proposal and romance; you did it exceptionally well, in post 28 you brought satire and in post 31 you brought passion. When you read both posts, we could determine you are a very creative individual…</p>
<p>I still believe in proposals: It is part of the whole process of love, a moment between you and the one you will share your life, hopefully, forever. Why to eliminate such tradition, a beautiful tradition and meaningful, if you want to experience it.
There are People that don’t like the tradition and choose other ways and that’s fine; they can talk with the other half and agree if the proposal it is not necessary. However, that day is memorable for both parties, but other experiences such as mom2college’s story, also are original and meaningful too…</p>
<p>I love romance, so for me a proposal was enjoyable and memorable too. However, for me that moment is something private; others prefer family and groups. That’s a matter of taste, I have seen proposals were the whole family is present, have organized a party, or vacations for the occasion… but that’ the way they like it.</p>