@“Erin’s Dad” Money is not an issue but your world sort of changes when 115k drops in your lap.
Is cost a factor?
Our kid’s first college acceptance also came with a huge scholarship. HUGE! We said a simple congrats, and that was it.
BTW, at the end of the process, our kid did not choose the school with the HUGE scholarship. This was not an issue as we had discussed finances before applications were sent.
Does your son maybe feel like he will be pressured to take the lowest net price school? Some of the best journalism schools in this land cost well in excess of $60,000 a year…and don’t give merit aid.
If money was the deciding factor, you should have said so sooner. Let him get all the acceptances-offers in. Let him go in accepted student visits. Are you trying to keep him from even completing his other applications? If so, no wonder he is pissed. See the full picture of what is on the table. But if you try to make it all about cost now when you didn’t set any limits on it before applications, then he has a legitimate beef.
@ferrarepatrick73 I totally get where you are coming from. Sure, it is nice to think money shouldn’t matter, but 100k+ is a whole lot of money to blithely ignore. I’m trying to keep my wits about me but it can be hard. We did give our D a target amount we’d pay going in so she knew up front to count the dollars. Still, she has several schools that have already come in considerably lower than target amount–and like you, I find it hard to ignore that fact. Stay cool.
@thumper1 This would cost me 16k a year. It is roughly half the cost of any state school here.
This school is considered a top shelf journalism school.
We did visit and it was lovely with all the modern trappings like squash courts, Starbucks, D1 sports, rock climbing walls and well dressed, well groomed kids.
DD was a national merit Finalist. So that meant a full ride, room and board included, at several very reasonable schools, such as UKentucky.
So we used Thanksgiving to visit one of these schools. She hated it. And it was clear that she was going to hate any school like it.
So we parents backed off and helped DD look through the few LACs that offered less than full ride for NMF. In short, we caved, but were lucky enough that we didn’t have to settle for full pay.
(In the event, things turned out different, but I think I answered the question.)
Is it me or do many of today’s HS students not have a tangible feel for the magnitude of the dollars involved in some of these merit awards?
It’s not our intent to force any choice, but there are multiple large awards on the table, while at other schools we are significantly gapped with no assurance of getting the COA down to where we need it to be. Neither of us was raised wealthy, and when I see a 17-year-old look down their nose at a 6-figure merit award, I almost feel a door-slamming impulse of my own.
I’m reminded of the scene in Rain Man where Dustin Hoffman’s character thinks a candy bar costs 'bout a hundred dollars and one of those new compact cars costs 'bout a hundred dollars. That’s an extreme example, but I’ve sometimes wished there was a way to sit down next to a pile of currency totalling $100K or $150K and say, “This is how much they are talking about giving you.”
Maybe if we lined up 8 or 10 cars comparable to hers. Maybe if we drove down a street of homes where $100K would be a 20% down payment, or an investment property could be bought outright. Or annual European vacations for a decade. Anything to provide some perspective and bring those dollar figures to life. Ideas?
The school my kid turned down would have been $10,000 a year…maybe a tad less. This was in 2006.
The school she attended cost over 4 times that amount.
I hear you about the money. But this is a talk to have before applications are sent out.
For example…if your kiddo got accepted to Mizzou…excellent journalism program…with excellent merit aid…but has an application pending to Medill at Northwestern (because the application was allowed to be sent), I can see why the student might not want to discuss or revel in this first acceptance.
Actually looks like in your case,the acceptance was from St. Bonaventure…a fine school.
But let your son wait until he has all of his acceptances in to discuss where he will be going. It sounds like you didn’t tell him that he had to take the lowest net cost. Maybe he feels like that is what you are expecting now.
@thumper1 He did apply to Missouri but he is only eligible for the $7k a year award as a non resident unless he applied separately for another which for non-,residents is hard. Syracuse was applied to as well but my brother in law isn’t overly impressed with it for writing.
In any event, I’m sure it will work out. He did visit and visit with the department head and he seemed happy.
I would prefer he go to a small school.
Maybe he’s just nervous and doesn’t know what to think. Perhaps he doesn’t realize that he is actually a talented writer? The scholarship may have surprised him.
Maybe he doesn’t prefer to go to a small school. The time to put restrictions on is before apps go in. He is the one going to college… maybe he should be the one to decide small vs big school.
You prefer a small school, and you prefer a school with well-groomed kids etc. It is natural for us parents to have our preferences but yours are leaking around the edges, so to speak 
I think you need to allow your son’s preferences to dominate, within any financial parameters set beforehand.
And your son’s preferences should also be more important than your brother-in-law’s. Journalism is certainly offered as a major at some great schools, but your son may change his mind on a major- many do. There are lots of ways to gain writing experience, and lots of majors that might apply, and grad school is a possibility for journalism too. If your son loves a school that your brother-in-law doesn’t think is the best for journalism, let your son decide.
You said, his reaction to “your” joy.
I wonder if you were so excited that, in a way, you stole his thunder. That can backfire with teen boys, at a time when their need for some (sense of) control is growing fast.
If so, maybe you let him know this was a grateful reaction, happiness for him, after the usual parental anxiety about college unknowns. Let him know that, of course, this is about him. In other words, backtrack.
Of course, you will have input.
I agree that the uncle’s opinions are just that…opinions. The “fit” for a student is so very important. The student needs to believe they can find their “tribe” and plug into a school’s academic and social climate. The best journalism school will be the one that draws your son in, with faculty that are approachable and helpful, and with a student body that is varied enough to allow all types of kids to find a place to feel at home.
There are so many good schools. Now that the offers are pouring in, please step back, refrain from making comments (I know this part is hard!!) and also speak with your BIL to ask him to step back from this process as well.
Since your son and you do not need to make a final decision now, wait to see what all of the offers are. For the entire application year last year, my husband kept saying that by April, the decision will kind of make itself. Enjoy that these schools want your son.
Congrats on the offer!
What’s his major? A 3.3 is doable but a bit stressful. One bad grade or two in tough subjects can bring it lower. Most awards tend to ask for a 3.0.
At my school, for example, the avg GPA is a 3.2. Engineering is lower.
I guess I would be more excited that I had enough personal wealth to pay for college in the first place. We are not poor, but we don’t have the kind of money that would allow for us to simply leave tuition/expenses out of discussions prior to applications going out. Our conversations actually started around age 4. We told our kids that they would need to be able to fund their own higher education. This could be scholarships, jobs, military service or anything else that is legal, moral, etc. When they understand that they enter college (typically) as an adult, they should not expect someone else to foot their bills. That is not to say we are not willing to help, but it really needs to be viewed from the get-go as the student’s financial responsibility. Many point out that other aspects of college should be the student’s choice as it is their life…agreed. But life comes with hard choices sometimes. Oldest child is on essentially a full-ride for academics. Second one is making decisions now, but while she has many scholarship offers, the net cost for most schools still end up from 10-20K per year. Her decisions are altered by the net dollars, but she still has reasonable choices as the net ends up relatively close among those schools to which she has been accepted.
And yes, we have celebrated every scholarship even though the biggest award often does not mean the best deal financially. Ultimately, this is a difficult decision. The advantage you have is that it appears you have the wherewithal to afford whatever schools he wishes. If the first choice does not work out, he can transfer. For some of us, the scholarships could act like a ‘sentence’ rather than a blessing.
Good luck, raising kids is never easy. I am always amazed by the reactions to seemingly simple situations.
Your son’s opinion is what should matter most. That and affordability for your family. It sounds like the Uncle put the list together and not the son and that it’s the uncle’s opinion of a school is perhaps getting a bit too much weight. Journalism has changed radically in the past few decades and there are plenty of schools out there with solid programs for the 21st century.
How many schools are on your son’s list? Would he be happy at any of them? Does he prefer big school or small school? Rural or urban? Did he look at schools in / close proximity to major cities? Schools like American University and GW in D.C. … BU and Northeastern in Boston … Fordham and Hunter College in NYC all would offer top-notch internship opportunities. Penn State has a great journalism program. Are you in NY state? Did he look at Stony Brook? Their journalism program is really interesting.
Certainly Northwestern and Syracuse have great reputations. Ultimately you’ve got to balance a) reputation of the program b) merit award offered and c) J-opportunities on campus (newspaper,TV/radio station, etc.) + internship opportunities
Good luck with it all. We found that when our kid was in the top 20% of applicants the merit $$$ flowed.
I don’t know your child or family but I’ve made the mistake of inadvertently pressuring my child to follow a path she didn’t want. Maybe your son is feeling pressure from his uncle’s influence. This college process seems very strongly driven by his uncle and his opinions, rather than the child. Follow the child.
What if your son is having second thoughts about his major? The common CC wisdom is kids will change between fall of senior year ABD spring of senior year, between senior year of high school and freshman year of college, they will likely change their majors. Between his uncle’s influence and now this new “can’t ignore cost”, you may be pushing him into a direction, he may not want (journalism at a small college with big scholarship)
Ease off. Step way back. It’s a bit late but start talking in general about college costs, debt, what you can afford. Let the other offers come in…Celebrate every single one. In April, when your son has all his acceptances and FA packages, then talk about specific choices and options.
I think the kid’s opinion matters more than his uncle’s opinion.
What I learned so far is that kids can have some very surprising reactions during the application/decision season. That might be even more pronounced for kids that made us believe before the process started that they were very reasonable and mature and blah blah. Yes we think we know our kids and we can predict their reactions but that is not true. In your case it might be that he actually does not like the school and he does not want to attend and feel pressured to the exact opposite that he actually loves the school but now that it is “real” he is overwhelmed and doubts all his decisions. As other have said try to back off a little and leave room for him to absorb the news and see how he really feels. At least I have seen some changes in my son that if you have told me just one moth ago I would have laughed at your face. They are still growing and maturing and they are going through a lot of emotion.