Leaving out the OP’s post, that made it seem like every teacher the kid had was trying to ‘crush him’, which I find kind of dubious, there were some interesting posts in this thread and i think it is a valid discussion
“And a few of the old school senior admins actually thought his haranguing and singling individual students out for sarcastic taunts/insults was “character building”, especially for the male students.”. Sadly, some of the posters on this thread seem to feel the same thing, it is much like those who defend bullying as ‘part of growing up’ and 'it makes an adult of you". This is basically the attitude of the teacher in the movie “Whiplash” and is not that uncommon, even now, in music teaching (the old school violin teachers from Europe and Russia were known for it, Auer, Fuchs, Brodsky and more than a few of the others were known for what today many would call abuse…they basically feel it is their duty to break the student down, but they don’t think they have a need to buold them up)…and it is a crock of bs. It is one thing to be tough, by son has had plenty of tough teachers, including his current one, but that doesn’t mean being sadistic either, and the whole ‘build character through fire’ is a myth, it is much the myth that being in the military, especially in combat, necessarily forges character.
Sure, you can learn life lessons through situations like that, but it also can help destroy someone and it always reminds me of a line from the TV series MASH, where they ask the CO if he felt, with the advances in medicine that often come out of warfare, if war had any value, and he said none at all. Likewise, a brutal teacher might teach some lessons, but they also do a lot more damage than makes it worth it.
Some were saying “well, if you have a tough boss, what do you do?”. If a Boss is more than tough, but is over the line, is abusive, either you file a complaint with HR, you transfer to another department, or you find another job. Unfortunately, kids in school don’t necessarily have that option, a rotten teacher is pretty much what they get. Learning to ‘endure’ can be a great lesson, but what kind of lesson is it to tell someone that when something rotten comes along, all you can do is endure it, rather than trying to change it? If my boss is unfair to me, I talk to him/her about it, and if they tell me stick it, then I find other ways around it. The key lesson in endurance is to endure what you have to, but it also is you don’t have to endure things if you have options.
as far as @clarinetdad16’s post goes, it denpends on what we are talking about. If the talented kid is in an orchestra where they aren’t getting much out of it (likely any school orchestra program is going to be well below the levelt hey are playing at) and the music director is a petty tyrant who makes the kid’s lives a living hell, simply to be a bully and throw around his/her weight, what that teaches is you don’t have to endure something that isn’t doing something for you. Plus to be brutally honest, having been around school music programs for a number of years, when it comes to the talented music kids the music director is getting a lot more from the kids than he/she is giving, if a kid if doing outside programs it is more than likely the conductors and such there are a lot higher level and a lot tougher. (And that said, that doesn’t mean every music director is an untalented bully, a lot of schoo music directors understand the path of the talented kids, the ones heading into music, and while they appreciate the kid participating, they also are wise enough, and human enough, to want to help the kid, too, and there are a lot of those).
Again, the OP’s post was over the top, and quite honestly, talking about her little genius or whatever was pretty lame, because when it comes to music, or musical theater, as good as a kid is, I guarantee you there are a ton of kids they will run into who are better. I am very proud of my son and his accomplishments, but he himself and my wife and I would never, ever say something like that, knowing what is out there, and yeah, the OP does smack of the stage mother/music mother/Parents I have seen, the kind who would try and make noise outside an audition room to distract a competitor kid (in their eyes), or in several cases, attempted to damage instruments…
One other thing with teachers, very few are sadistic bullies outright, a lot are decent people who don’t understand the needs of kids, who are locked, for a variety of reasons, into one way of doing things. Good teachers know kids come in many sizes, bad ones try to fith them into the same box; likewise, sometimes wonderful teachers do stupid things, like try to give advice they think is realistic, when they don’t know. Friend of mine is a talented musician, was in high school, was playing in bands, composing, doing a lot of music, and the school music director spent high school telling him he would never achieve anything, that he wasn’t good enough, and “believe me, I know” …my friend got into Berklee, and while music is not his primary avocation, he has a couple of bands that do gigs, and also does music production for pretty well known acts. When he went back to his high school for a reuinion, same music director was gushing over him, saying she always knew he would make it lol. In other words, teachers are human, there a great ones, good ones, and crappy ones. My beef is more with the education system then teachers, I think our public school education system is a Prussian bureaucracy designed to turn out a standardized product (not surprising, given that is what Mr. Mann was, A Prussian Bureucrat turning out product for the state), and doesn’t allow much variance, and I think a lot of bright, creative teachers get trampled under the system.