I’m sure a lot of CC’rs think this bizarre rant is so over the top it can’t be true. I’ve encountered these moms before and this all rings pretty true to me.
Cue Ethel Merman:
“There’s nooooooo business like shoooooooow business,…”
Seems so many use Finland as an example of highly paid teachers that google abounds with discussions. Nope, not paid 200k, not even close. HuffPo puts the average at less than 30k. In the few minutes, I didn’t find a coddle scale.
@SlackerMomMD - what lesson is learned if the student withdraws from a HS orchestra?
And for competitive university admissions those kids who couldn’t fit in at their local school might get skipped over at those college programs.
An orchestra is a team. On time is late, early is expected. The conductor doesn’t want your opinion, or worse your mom’s opinion. If you can’t cut it, next up will.
We’ve never had any of that competitive ugliness with my son, who is a very accomplished musician. His school’s director encourages and supports the kids doing high-level outside things, and being in NYC, many do very cool things. However, as ClarinetDad16 said, he does not want the kids’ opinions about the music and would not tolerate opinions from the parents. Students show up every day prepared, take their private lessons, work hard and open their mouths only to play. Works for me.
However, I will say that in middle school, that school’s director allowed one mom to sit in on class/rehearsal pretty much every day. She was entirely too much, and had more to say than the director. Needless to say, her kid got all the opportunities. But when choosing high school, she was deeply offended by the top programs, which were not going to play her games and chose a program where she could continue to be queen bee. Her son was completely left behind.
Yikes. Overall, my kids have been blessed with wonderful, encouraging teachers. There have been some unfortunate experiences - one very negative one for, my S in particular - which caused me to take up journaling :-). I didn’t feel public complaints would do anyone much good. Our theatre kids will need to overcome a multitude of obtacles; I chalk the experience with one HS teacher as a life lesson - more than offset by all the positive, outstanding teachers in his life.
With 5 Ds, one of whom graduated with a BFA in Drama, we experienced dozens and dozens of high school teachers. Although they weren’t all great, most were, and to be honest, I can’t remember the names of those who weren’t. My Ds all have become successful, productive young adults, in spite of a challenge or two. One even became a teacher!
My first thought when I read the post was ahhh, stage mothers, I know them well!
My second thought was, good grief, time to move on, OP.
My D said something yesterday that I’ll clean up for CC purposes - if you (generic you) seem to run into a-h’s all the time, perhaps you’re the a-h.
Wonder how the OP will react the first time her uber talented, brilliant, incredibly amazing child gets a bad review or is turned down for a coveted role.
Actors who cannot withstand rejection will not last in the business. Is this kid “never going to forget” every casting director who fails to appreciate his genius?
Sorry, but that’s just plain creepy. Your son’s an adult now. Hopefully you haven’t trained him to stew in his bile like you apparently do, or to take everything personally or to hold grudges. That’s really unhealthy. Time to chill out.
I’m also not totally convinced this post is for real.
I feel a bit embarrassed for initially replying to the OP, when I was half asleep. I didn’t realize this was the OP’s first post, which says something right there. It seemed over the top to me. Yes, it did make me recall a 9th grade science teacher my theater D had, but I had completely forgotten about it as it was a long time ago and while it was a negative experience, it is rather small in the scheme of life! But what I took away the most from the initial post was a bashing of teachers and that bothered me, because I really value teachers, used to be one, and think they get a bad rap. Yes, like in any profession, there are some that are not so good, or perhaps your child’s relationship with them just is a bad fit, but many are excellent and I like to remember the ones who have really inspired my daughter, and many have!
Clearly the OP has issues, but I don’t think that this is relevant or helpful. Are you trying to suggest that the arts aren’t “worth” studying?
Agree with many above that this was an interesting first post for a poster who registered last September, but chose this as their first post. Ouch. Maybe the OP was not familiar with the “say it here” thread. They have a HS, College and parents version. Wondering where this one belongs…
@Consolation The arts, or any major, is not worth mega loans. And given the vagaries of a theater major committed to a career in theater (at least his mother is) the chances of paying off those loans is small. Time to fix up that basement apartment!
@Consolation maybe he is, maybe he isn’t, I wouldn’t know, but graduating with 70k debt into the arts industry could mean a very, very hard future.
I think it’s important to remember that teaching is not a “one size fits all” sort of thing. I’ve been doing it for 20 years - and I know that I have made a positive impact on many kids lives. But I also know that I have had some students who didn’t enjoy my class, (whether that was the subject, or my style depends on the kid). I certainly hope that I have not been a truly negative influence on any of the kids I have taught - but I have had plenty of unpleasant interactions with parents. I
I know the above is not the topic of this thread, but there are a few posts on that vein and as a parent of a child who went to college to get a BFA in Musical Theater, I feel compelled to respond.
I agree that mega loans that a STUDENT takes out, is not a good idea for any major (though I thought there was a limit in the amount a student can take out in their name as an undergrad). But please realize that in some cases, such as ours, it is the parents who are paying the college loans, not the students. And for me, my child’s education, no matter the major, including musical theater, IS worth the loans I am paying back. The remark about fixing up the basement apartment is a generalization that bothers me. Yes, some college grads, with a variety of majors, move back in with their parents. My kids NEVER did, since the day they graduated high school, not even for a summer. They were expected to support themselves fully upon their final degree and graduation (for one of my kids, the BFA in musical theater one, that was an undergrad degree, and the other one was after getting her graduate degree). They have done so, each supporting herself in her chosen field of work (their college majors). Yes, I realize theater and performing arts is a tough career field! But generalizations about moving back into a parents’ basement just are not called for! I realize some of you would not support a child pursuing the performing arts as a college degree or career. For us, we didn’t care what our kids majored in as we were paying for an education. It so happens that my BFA in Musical Theater kid graduated college at age 20 and has not only fully supported herself in NYC since her graduation day, but ALL of her work has been in theater and music. I realize not every graduate can say that (nor in a myriad of other college majors), but let’s not assume that this is not a viable college major or field. And, I will add that like with any college major, a theater major could have jobs or a career in many lines of work, not just what they majored in, as many adults do.
That’s because you are able to pay back the loans while putting away money for your retirement (I hope).
Many parents are not as privileged as you are.
@ClarinetDad16 - I don’t know if a lesson has to be learned. These students are usually very talented and add to any orchestra. They already feel the HS orchestra is beneath them, so in most cases if the teacher makes life difficult, they join and work with other orchestras which will readily accept them. That was my SIL’s experience but she was just one of several high level musicians who snubbed the HS orchestra due to a clash with the teacher. She didn’t need the orchestra. (she later went on to very good music conservatories without HS orchestra on her transcript).
@ClarinetDad16 - I don’t know if a lesson has to be learned. These students are usually very talented and add to any orchestra. They already feel the HS orchestra is beneath them, so in most cases if the teacher makes life difficult, they join and work with other orchestras who will readily accept them. That was my SIL’s experience. She was just one of several high level musicians who snubbed the HS orchestra due to a clash with the teacher. She didn’t need the HS orchestra. (She later went on to study at very good music conservatories without HS orchestra on her transcript).
Actually, Tom, that is not quite my case, but I don’t discuss my financial situation on a message board. Suffice it to say, I am not that financially privileged, though paying for my kids’ educations has been a priority. My financial situation changed after I committed to these loans, but I am still committed to paying them back every month, no matter what it has taken for me in order to do that. Please do not make assumptions.
@TomSrOfBoston, there is a huge difference between being “privileged” and being hardworking and sensible about money. Our family also struggles to pay for college while saving for retirement. It is not easy and it means we have cut out many “privileges” like vacations, new cars, restaurants, home decorations, etc. It is unfair to label a family “privileged” because they make different long-term choices than others.