Messages you'd give to all the horrible high school teachers who tried to destroy your childs gift

Parent Cafe
41

I think the OP was definitely over the top. While I had more than a few ‘bad teachers’, she made it sound like every teacher out there was out to get her son, etc…however, I think we also can channel this into something constructive.I have heard of horrible teachers, the fiddler/violinist/mark o’connor on his website had a memoir about his high school years, and the picture it paints is of a music teacher, and an administration, who are not only not supportive, but were dismissive of him, and went out of their way to hurt him. At 14 he won one of the biggest fiddling competitions out there, and was already getting to be an established Jazz player. When he was 15 he had an invite to play with Stephanne Grapelli at Carnegie Hall, and the school did everything they could to stop him from going, threatened to expel him, you name it. The music teacher was sadly someone a lot of us around the music world have seen, probably someone without the talent to be a performer, who went into music as a ‘real job’ (we see that on the music board all the time, people saying kids should go into music ed instead of performance, because it is a ‘real job’), and is bitter and angry and yes, jealous. Mark is a lot more gracious than I, if I had had a teacher like that, and achieved what he did, I would go back and put it in the clown’s face, it is a disgrace that any teacher could be jealous of a child. Gifted kids in all things run into teachers like that, who force the kid to go along with a regimented classroom course of study with everyone else, who says things like “you have to get used to being with people not as gifted”, which is a crock, it is a teacher who can’t handle things and as @toowonderful was saying, not wishing to realize teaching is not one size fits all (on the other hand, my son had some talented teachers who nurtured his talent, while keeping him part of the class, and that was teaching at its best).

“@SlackerMomMD - what lesson is learned if the student withdraws from a HS orchestra?”

They learn that music is not a team sport per se, and that in the end the kid’s individual path and needs has to come above that of the need of the school or the music director. High level music students don’t walk about from school orchestras and such because the music director is tough (they likely face that with their own private teachers, the outside orchestras they likely do, or the level of other students being high), they generally walk away because the orchestra does nothing for them, the same way that high level gymnasts, high level tennis players, hockey players, baseball players, will not play for their school team, because the befits are a lot less than the negatives. With high school music programs, the worst part is that the music directors want their program to look good, and they often forget about the need of the kid, and basically use them, and get snotty when the kid says no, like the kid saying they can’t do pit band because they have an outside committment. The kid doesn’t owe the school or orchestra anything, and given the level of most school orchestras, we aren’t talking disagreeing with the conductor or whatnot, we are talking someone playing there who isn’t getting anything out of it. That is not suffering for your art, and it certainly isn’t teaching them to be able to get along with those of different abilities, in music the level they will face at college and then in the real world isn’t that varieted, the kid looking for a professional music degree is not going to be playing in a community orchestra or something like the Rotten Orchestra programs (which are wonderful, tempted to try one myself:), and they won’t face that.

As far as what a college would think if the kid didn’t do the school orchestra, I can tell you that at academic colleges that recruit musical kids for their orchestras (like the ivies), that wouldn’t be a big pull, and if the kid, as is likely, is playing in youth orchestras and pre college programs, that would be the pull. In terms of music programs at any level, playing in a school orchestra wouldn’t be viewed of much of anything, as would playing in a youth orchestra, all they care about is how well the kid plays on the audition, being the CM or first flute of the Springfield Memorial high school (Homer Simpson’s Alma Mater) won’t mean anything.

42

@JB1998, If your post didn’t say otherwise, I’d have assumed from your name and the tone of your post that you’re a high school senior who just got accepted to your dream school.

Your attitude isn’t healthy for you and it’s not going to help your son. Saving up every perceived slight from middle school on then unloading it on teachers and administrators is an extremely poor example for him. Do you think school district personnel took your rant seriously? Any benefit constructive criticisms might have had were no doubt lost in your delivery. It’s unfortunate that you chose to approach the situation that way. A better method would be to encourage your son to speak up for himself while he’s in the midst of whatever circumstance he wants to change.

43

Op maybe over the top but let’s all be honest there are are teachers that should NOT be teaching… If your kid hasn’t had one of them over the years then you are lucky. BTW my dad is a retired high school teacher so I do respect teachers in general.

As far as living in the basement for kids who go into acting… why stop there? lets add biology , political science and a whole bunch of other majors that some people feel will not lead to a high paying job after graduation… Give me a break lets hope your kid doesn’t need to come home at some point.

44

Some kids like music and play an instrument.

Others grow to love music and strive to become better at their music.

A fortunate few live music and want to be musicians all their life. In fact music is their life.

Very few become professional musicians.

But many will work for a company or school where they might have a tough boss.

Are we teaching them to succeed?
Or
Are we teaching them to quit?

45

@MichiganGeorgia - I agree that there are teachers who shouldn’t be teaching- but isn’t that true for ANY profession- especially ones that deal with public trust?

46

@toowonderful - All I’m saying that the OP’s kid probably did have a bad teacher.

47

@MichiganGeorgia, sure, but the OP talked about multiple teachers who went out of their way to “destroy” her child. I mean, come on.

48

Its just consistent with the way a lot of people like to overdramatize things. Everything bad that happens is the worst thing ever. Shocked and offended at every turn. Comical in a way. Not sure how they react when something really bad that is significant happens to them.

49

The OP makes me think of the following quote (attributed to several people, including Eleanor Roosevelt and Mark Twain, but probably originated by Olin Miller: “You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do”

50

“Seems so many use Finland as an example of highly paid teachers that google abounds with discussions. Nope, not paid 200k, not even close. HuffPo puts the average at less than 30k. In the few minutes, I didn’t find a coddle scale.”

I never understand why anyone uses that example. Teachers in the US are paid far more, on average, with a lower cost of living. And you also hear the silliness that teachers in Finland are paid more than doctors, which also is bogus. Who even spreads this stuff around?

51

My kids had a teacher in 3rd grade who was really mean to them and treated on as if she were incapable of learning. Min fact she had a whole group of them. A year after we had her, a group of parents had her “retired” but she was still at the school as a librarian and still mean. This group of parents had a lot more pull than I did, and they had kids coming up to 3rd grade and didn’t want those kids to have the same experience.

I would like to confront that teacher and say " look at what these kids have accomplished. M, W, C and J are all majoring in engineering, all with scholarships, some at top schools. Even B and V are in college on scholarships. All that despite your being mean and calling them dumb (or worse)."

She really was mean.

52

soulless? And the weirdly random application of all-caps.

Yes, I have confronted teachers who have done questionable things, but I have never questioned their humanity nor trumpeted my childs’ GREATNESS.

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@MichiganGeorgia - I have no trouble believing that the OP and her kid had an issue along the way. My kid had problems with teachers too. I ended up withdrawing her from a class and homeschooling her in the subject (AP Gov- which I teach, though for a different district) b/c there was an issue. An obviously I have no background or knowledge on the OP’s experiences. But a “bad experience” doesn’t necessarily translate into a “bad teacher”. An earlier poster on this thread has kids in the same district as mine. They wrote about a problem with their child, and I believe I know what they are referring to as, my kid and their kid were very close through much of HS. My child had the same teacher- and we had 100% different experience.

54

I’m pretty sure all these teachers met for brunch on the second Sunday of every month to discuss how they were going to CRUSH this kid’s GENIUS. MEAN teacher’s love brunch. But the OP should realize it takes more than a few rounds of eggs benedict and never ending Mimosas to DESTROY her kid’s GREATNESS.

55

Probably kept some kind of tally board up in the library with the pictures of the smart kids who were crushed last week and who would be crushed next week. Kept stats for each teacher. Crush leaders.

56

I think it’s important to plan your crushing. I mean, sometimes things just “happen” in the moment (a kid gives a wrong answer when you call on them etc) but I find that if you want to use class time in the most effective way, you have to take things to the next level.

57

That is what celebrates the true crushers from the pretenders and wannabees.

58

Exactly… “If you want to throw the hammer, for your country…” (Ms. Trunchbull, Matilda)

59

Some HS classmates and I had a horrid experience with a 9th grade teacher who seemed to relish being mean.

I’m talking mean to the point he was known to make even the hardiest student cry after haranguing the entire class…including singling out students for sarcastic taunts and attempting to deny a student with documented disabilities extra time on an exam which he was entitled to under the law until the DOE and state educational authorities ORDERED HIM to do so.

When I had him, the personality conflict got the to point I got sent down to the dean’s office so many times for reasons the dean felt were ridiculous that he sent me back up with a note to said teacher telling him not to send me down for such reasons anymore.

He also relished telling me and other classmates how “College is the bigtime” and “If you can’t make it in my class, you’ll never survive college.”

Ended up throwing those quotes back at him after we happened to meet at my HS while I was home from college as a junior and he happened to be visiting the school as a retired teacher*. Enjoyed telling him I was a junior at respectable LAC on a near-full ride FA/scholarship and everything he said about college being much harder than his class…or HS in general was 100% complete garbage.

More recently, I found from a HS friend that a mutual friend of ours became so terrified of his verbal taunts/haranguing in a more advanced that he avoided coming to school for a few weeks, became really sick, and nearly dropped out until his parent strongly pushed to have him transferred to another teacher. It would have been real tragic if he had dropped out as he excelled in HS, undergrad/Top 4 PhD in his field, and is currently a tenure-track Prof at an elite university popular with CCers.

  • A classmate and I were given credit for driving him into retirement with our antics...though it was a bit delayed as he retired a year after our graduation.
60

On behalf of teachers everywhere, I would like to thank the posters on this thread who have stood up for the members of my profession.

In the 30 or so years I’ve been teaching, I’ve worked with literally one or two dream crushers. And my daughter was unfortunate enough to have one awful teacher in elementary school. (Seriously, I still hope a house lands on her.)

But beyond that, my kids have been fortunate enough for the most part to have some pretty amazing teachers throughout the years.

When I was facing a mastectomy and radiation in 2008, the 3 elementary school teachers who had my kids went above and beyond to offer them TLC, to pick up the balls I inevitably dropped (“Dear Mrs. BJKmom, enclosed please find another copy of the field trip permission form. Please get it to me when you can” type of stuff.) And for that I’ll be forever in their debt.

Not every kid that I teach does well. It’s not about me crushing their dreams, it’s about the answers on the paper being incorrect.