I don’t understand why people are so afraid of comitting microagressions, especially when it’s clear that most of you aren’t willing to take the idea seriously. I’ve never worked for a company, so I guess I don’t know what the possible consequences are. But as far as I can tell, at worst, someone might write an angry blog post about you, or complain on twitter. If @tom1944 's examples are representative, it seems likely that nothing will happen at all.
Those who need to cover their behinds for something will often complain about something to HR so it puts the company on the defensive. Have heard this many times.
Oh, no no no no. I think those of you who haven’t worked in a corporation and haven’t witnessed genuine crazy dynamics and I’ve-got-to-be-one-up-on-you are being naive.
There was a microaggression that was perpetrated against me but I can’t describe it in detail because it is so incredibly unique it would be apparent to anyone who knows about it that it’s me posting about it.
Let’s just say that it involved me, my former boss and my former subordinate. And my former boss, on two separate occasions, chose to make me extremely uncomfortable by referring to flatulence. The second time, she added an adjective to the discussion.
The whole this was so gross, unprofessional and flagrantly hostile – not just inappropriate, but clearly designed to make me uncomfortable – that I did go to HR and I did get a good deal out of it all. (The fact that Former Boss lied about it, while I had a witness to back me up, didn’t hurt my position at all.) This was not good-natured teasing that went a little too far. This was hostile.
So to me, nothing that happens in a company surprises me anymore.
There are examples of both sides of this. Without giving examples that could be recognized by someone should they happen to be reading, lets just say that while no one is doubting that you were mistreated, there are many, many examples of someone running to HR to claims some incident or hostile workplace environment to keep from getting put on an action plan or fired (one even did this after they walked out in the middle of a meeting).
I agree HR has to take every complaint seriously, but yk something?
REAL instances of sexual harassment (pressing someone against a wall and copping a feel, inviting yourself to someone’s hotel room, saying “sleep with me if you want a promotion”) get crowded out with these faux instances (he said my hair looked nice today, he complimented me on my dress).
While this is true and this should be the correct attitude everyone should have, I have noticed that whenever there is a particularly attractive female colleague in our group, invariably there will be many male colleagues including those who do not have a need to interact with us will somehow find a reason to come by and strike a conversation with her. (sometimes he might use a very constrived reason – I heard of this line before: Are you interested in a cup of coffee? I could bring one to you if you want – never mind that the female was busy trying to finish her work and the coffee break area is far away, on the other end of the building! This guy had never visited us before before that female colleague joined our company.)
Who says there is no romantic-relationship-wannabe at work place?
This also happens at a school where most are guys also (say, at an engineering school.)
Maybe it is because I have always been working in an environment where there are so few females.
Not long ago, wasn’t there a post here saying that a female colleague has an opportunity of “trying out”/sampling every single guy for her date if she chooses yo do so?
True harassment should not be tolerated. I agree with the pov that complements are not harassment or demeaning.
I put my job at risk by taking a well connected person to the EEOC officer on multiple occasions so please do not get the opinion that I think harassment or bullying or even favoritism is okay.
I also do not think it is harassment if two friendly co-workers tease each other and a third party overhears and is offended. For example if someone overheard the older parent being referred to as grandpa I do not think the person who overheard is being harassed or needs to be offended.
Are people familiar with the two weight lifting events done in the Olympics? I have a funny story about a work place sexual harassment charge involving one of those lifts. The world is different now and what some people see as harassment is just two co-workers talking.
I wonder what would be a reasonable protocol for the use of “banned” words - should they never be used, or should they be permitted in cases such as the above where she wasn’t invoking it against anyone, but using it to illustrate a point.
She should have said “n-word” instead of the word itself. It carries a much bigger taboo and has much more potential to hurt students, particularly at the high school level, than the example of Redskins.
The Heritage High School case has gotten a lot of discussion among sociolinguists, many of whom teach quite a bit on taboo language. It’s a use vs. mention difference, and the interesting thing there is that people involved couldn’t tell that there’s a difference.
That’s not a microaggression issue, though, that’s a taboo language issue.
Re: #528
Guess what they do not have Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in the school either.
@tom1944 Did someone actually complain about one of those word when used in their original context not knowing what that was? The idea cracks me up (if not for the claim).
Off all the examples given so far on this thread, this is the first one that affects me personally. Not as one exposed to the word ma’am, but as one who uses it. What struck me is that a great many of the examples for micro-aggression are around general insensitivity of other cultures and that we should have some respect for them. So why no respect for my culture of raised in small town USA where ma’am and sir are a part of everyday address? It’s who I am. Funny thing is, I have been asked many times in my life not to call someone ma’am (but never sir - odd) I have a prepared response - “sorry about that, but grew up in a small town with a Marine for a dad, it’s part of who I am - but I understand you don’t like it” Overall, this is accepted and understood that I will say ma’am or sir from time to time, and that it really is a term of respect, not condescending. Adults having a conversation will always get along.
Just joined this thread but has anyone talked about the constant flow of this kind of stuff that professional women face? Never thought of it as microaggressions – more like constant low level irritation.
Examples:
- For the first ten years of my career as a litigator, virtually every deposition in which I wasn't known to the others in the room, someone invariably said: "you must be the court reporter."
- In court, when I was the lead partner on the case, having judges look to the male associate who accompanied me to court to answer the court's questions, on the assumption that the dude must be in charge.
- At holiday time, some bone-headed male senior partner circulating a sentimental "remember the good old days" email with a list that included such gems as: "Remember the days when your mom was home to give you chocolate chip cookies when you arrived home from school ..."
- Some other equally bone-headed male senior partner making a sentimental speech at the holiday party, toasting the women lawyers at the firm for being "the best damn mothers in the world."
- The client at the same party -- a scion of industry who is a household name -- realizing what a mistake the "mothers" toast was, tries to cover for his old buddy by making his own boozy toast to the women at the firm: "what makes the women at this firm great is that they are a bunch of brassy broads." I kid you not. That is a direct quote: "brassy broads."
In my job I have a lot of contact with Marines, mostly young ones, so I get called ma’am all the time. It never occurred to me to be offended.
@Decide SomeHow: in my mind, you have a good point about respecting other cultures, and that your upbringing and culture deserves respect.
saintfan yes they did. Took it right to the EEOC officer who was also not familiar with that particular lift. The young man who faced the charge had no idea what was wrong when they called him in. The EEOC officer actually said he should not use the word even if that is the name of the lift they were discussing. The young lady he was talking to had to say she was not offended and it never crossed her mind that the question he asked was offensive because they were discussing her training and attempt to get a personal best. She was doing real well in the clean and jerk- had set a record the night before and he asked her How’s your sn***h. Apparently an older women in the office heard and had no idea that the were discussing weightlifting.
There was a long discussion and meeting about it and some felt the young man should face discipline but ultimately saner heads prevailed. You cannot penalize people for using the correct term just because it is slang for something else.
It was clear after interviewing both kids that when they were having the conversation about the lifts the slang meaning never entered their mind.
It sure does now though.
@tom1944 Is this something that actually happened to you, or is this a story that you heard? I apologize, but it sounds like an urban legend. A good one, though.
Happened at my office.