This was not the case for us. We had top public schools in my town, but I believed the private school my kids went to provided much a better education than the public school. We didn’t have as much disposal income or savings because of private school tuitions, but I would do it all over again because I definitely did see advantages of a top prep school relative to public. That being said, going to a top prep is about getting an education, not for getting into a top tier college. D1 very much appreciated her education and she is going to want her future kids to have the same privilege.
As a general matter, there are no test cases for kids. No matter how well a given decision works out, one or more of the options not taken may well have been “better.” And if a given decision turns out poorly, all the other options not taken may well have all been “worse.” No one can know. We just know for sure the outcomes would have been different had different options been taken.
@saillakeerie That’s my point too. Thanks for elaborating on it. So because of that, as a general rule, we should listen carefully what others have to say about their experience and at the same time be aware of the inherent limitations and anecdotally nature of personal experiences.
My younger son went tp the local public. It’s pretty good if you fall in with the good crowd and take the advanced classes, but you will still bump shoulders with the less academically inclined and with a huge diversity in race, religion and socio-economic class. My kid felt that the kids who came to college from private schools had led a much more sheltered life and didn’t really have a realistic idea of what the world was like.
I went to public junior high and a private all girls high school where I was a boarding student my last year. I had a fabulous educational experience and made lasting friends there.
I agree there is a lot of “it depends”, but if you have a good public school, I’d certainly take a close look at what it has to offer.
“If you read closely, they essentially tell the story of being forced to send their kids to prep schools because of the lacking of excellent local options. They do not see advantages of a top prep school relatively to a top public school - not if they have to justify the cost of it at least.”
Not the case for us - my district is the top one where I live - it just wasn’t working for my kid. I know lots of people who decided to do private school instead of our public high school and several who wished they had but by 11th grade decided it was too late to make the switch.
We could have kept our kid in the public high school but he would have floundered. We didn’t want that for him as we knew he had the potential to succeed in a different environment.
While it’s true that you can only know the outcome of the path you actually took, there are certain things you can know about the path not taken. In our case, DS would not have made the team in the sport he was good enough to play at a D3 college ( because he got playing time and coaching at a smaller school. ) I can think of several other things along these lines as well. If these are the kinds of things you are considering, you can have some clarity on them as you make your decision.
@GMTplus7 “speaking the language” seems to have gone over your head. Prep school is a badge. It’s a verified pedigree, perhaps an interest patrician sports, implies connected family and upper crust social circle, bright, polish. Speaking the language, i.e., s/he’s one of us.
Why is a “realistic idea of what the world is like”? If you go to prep school you don’t realize there are peers from subpar families who come to high school unprepared and with no interest in learning? I went through that and I don’t consider it a superior experience – which is why we did everything in our power to put out children in what you call a sheltered experience.
“It’s pretty good if you fall in with the good crowd and take the advanced classes, but you will still bump shoulders with the less academically inclined and with a huge diversity in race, religion and socio-economic class. My kid felt that the kids who came to college from private schools had led a much more sheltered life and didn’t really have a realistic idea of what the world was like.”
There was way more diversity, both racially and socio-economically at my son’s private school then our public high school in upper middle/upper class community where everyone’s parents are doctors, lawyers and “Indian Chiefs”.
I personally think diversity is overrated. I went to a racial/economic diversified school when I first immigrated to this country. I spent most of time trying not to get picked on and going to a bathroom was a scary thing. We then moved to a more homogeneous middle class school, I felt safer and was able to focus on my schoolwork. It was mostly white students, but it was quite inclusive.
I too often hear this argument that private school kids are too sheltered and are not prepared to deal with “the real world”. What world will your kid live in? Among construction workers, homeless people and drug dealers? Before you jump all all over me, I am not saying many kids in public schools will end up homeless or drug dealing. I am just putting an extreme scenario out there to make a point, which is that “the real world” is the world that is and will likely be most relevant to you not “everything” in the world. Kids in great private school are coming from racially and social econmically diverse backgrounds, perhaps more so than most suburban public schools. The difference between a selective private school and a typical public school is that more students in the former are more academic and more driven. I would rather my kids get comfortable working with these peers sooner rather later. And I can assure you that your kids won’t lose the ability to talk to a plumber - won’t be because they have attended a private school 
Sometimes too, it depends on the student. And the family.
My husband’s family was 100% private schools for the boys. The girls graduated from a top public school. It was timing that made this happen.
My family was 100% public schools. Our public school district was very highly regarded back in the Stone Age when I went there.
When it came time for HS, DH and I looked at the options very carefully with both of our kids. Believe me, there are plenty of excellent prep schools within an easy commute of our home.
At the end of the day, both kids stayed at their public school. We used the “extra” money for many different enriching things outside of the school. For example, both of our kids participated in precollege orchestra programs at a university, and took lessons on two instruments. These aligned with their interests. Our school had an excellent wind ensemble, but no orchestra…so we were able to reach out for that.
It is YMMV depending on the public and private schools being compared and the individual student concerned.
Like public schools, there are good/crappy private schools. One good instance is the former segregation academy in an area of Mississippi a couple of younger relatives attended for a year until they found the academic level was so abysmal their parents pulled them out. One ended up being sent to a NE boarding school(Think Groton, Choate, etc) and another an academically respectable Catholic high school which requires a 2 hour commute each way as while the local public schools were actually slightly academically better…they still left much to be desired.
The cousin who ended up at the NE boarding school said of his experience at the local Mississippi private/former segregation academy said it made the academic curriculum of an AVERAGE NYC public high school look elite in comparison.
This is really YMMV depending on the individuals much more than the schools they’ve attended.
For instance, most of my public magnet HS classmates and I had no issues carrying on semi-adult/adult conversations if needed/desired even as 11-14 year olds. In fact, many of us opted to attend so we can be around more classmates like that while still having the ability to goof around like teens when we’re just around each other. 
On the flipside, I’ve known many private school graduates among undergrad classmates, work, and a few in my family who have issues with matters of basic etiquette or with speaking coherently. One older cousin in his early 50’s still has issues holding an intelligent conversation without sounding like a frat-boy…and he is an alum of one of the top private boarding schools in the US and the country*.
- It's the rival school to our current president's HS alma mater.
After having spawned one (as well as one standard public school kid), I believe that magnet/exam school kids are a species of their own, not directly comparable to either other public school kids or private school kids.
…or a badge that says she isn’t one of us. Some of the people hiring see a resume that says Andover or Exeter or Hotchkiss or…and think “Another spoiled rich kid. No thanks.” The truth is that these schools are a lot more diverse than they used to be, but middle management may not know that.
I have a kid who attended a NYC public magnet, a college in the HYPSMC group and a law school in the YHS group. High school was listed on resume when seeking summer employment and public interest jobs. People who might get turned off by the college/law school pedigree would see the high school and think “Oh…maybe kid doesn’t come from a rich family after all.” Check the home address…“Oh, definitely not!” Even if the address indicates money, the person thinks “Well, his family was willing to let him go to school with smart poor kids. He probably knows how to get along with people from different backgrounds.”
It may be unique to NYC…I don’t know…but listing the best public high schools in NYC, e.g., Bronx Science, Hunter, Stuyvesant, Townsend Harris. etc…gives you the best of both worlds. The self-made see the selective public school and the chip on their shoulders doesn’t hurt you. A higher percentage of the parents of private school students than you might expect thinks “Well, if my kid could have gotten into that high school, I would have sent him there too.”
In NYC, the alums of the best publics are in positions of power too. It goes beyond loyalty to other people who went to the same public high schools. The Stuy alum is going to like the line on the resume that says you went to one of the selective public high schools…even if it wasn’t Stuy, but a different selective public high school.
While your point is taken, I cited my public magnet and others like it in an attempt to counteract a common American misconception that private schools/students are always better than their public counterparts. It’s really YMMV depending on the individual school whether public or private and the individual student looking to attend.
Also, from an SES point in the time I attended, the public magnet kids are much closer to average public school kids than your average private school kids. Especially if we’re talking the average student of elite NE private boarding schools like Andover, Choate, Groton, etc…or the private schools like the ones President Obama* or a few older cousins attended.
- He attended Punahou as a scholarship student.
I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. I know exactly what you meant. The networking w patrician kids is overrated. And the vast majority of the kids who play sports in these school, aren’t playing squash/ rowing crew.
The elite prep schools are indeed wonderful. But critical? No.
Why pauper yourself to buy a Bentley if you’re already getting a Lexus for free.
There’s a similar level of public magnet cachet in the Boston area and the rest of the country/world to some extent for students who graduated from Boston Latin School, Boston Latin Academy, or one of the other public magnets within the Boston public school system.
Have some working familiarity with them as I’ve worked with some of their graduates and volunteered briefly with a program to provide free tutoring help for low-income kids looking to take their entrance exam.
TJSST is another public magnet with comparable cachet.
Among classmates from the upper/upper-middle class backgrounds, having one sibling who attended private day/boarding schools because they failed to meet the exam cutoff score was a common theme.
In a few cases I’ve witnessed, the parents made unhelpful comparisons and constantly asked the private school attending sibling “Why can’t you be more like your smarter [SHS attending sibling]?!!” And none of them were Asian/Asian-Americans.
@jonri highlights the differences between private and public schools that concern me, not the AP courses offered and test scores collected. If I can find a way to bridge the gaps somewhat, I won’t consider private schools.
@cobrat This is where personal experiences could be so crappily unreliable to the extent of no worth at all in some cases. For example, I have not seen any issue with the prep school kids I know in the communication department but seen some STEM talents from public/magnet schools having communication problems, an indication of which is that some of them could talk “cleverly” but not coherently.
The selective enrollenent in Chicago have definitely cut into the prestige of the privates. Being a white kid from a posh zip code makes it very difficult to get into the top SE schools. Getting in is much more prestigious than attending a private where money helps you get in.