Yup, I’m superficial. I’m also honest. I value the intangible qualities my wife has but I also appreciate that she has maintained her looks also. I should be shot for that, of course. We can play the PC game but I’ll tell you exactly what people say when they are not being PC. By the way, I’m thrilled for you that your H is so happy.
Okay. Let’s as well say “some people” --not all people, like it’s everyone in the world. There are millions of folks who don’t see things like you do, even if millions do. It has nothing to do with PC (such an overused term.)
Agreed. Fair enough. I don’t mind that people here will get “mad” at what I’ve written. Like I said, there is what people say when everyone is around, what he left you? You broke up? He cheated!! OMG! I can’t believe it! Why?? Why would anyone do that!! Men!!
Gonoles will now accept his academy award.
And then there is what people say when they are being honest.
@Midwest67 Finances are only an issue because of maintaining two households. The biggest reason we are done is because she has enormous family support at home, and moving here there is just me and my two boys a few hours away. I don’t really blame her, we haven’t been doing well for a while. Like someone else mentioned here, interests and values change and coupled with separation the inevitable happens.
GoNoles85: IIRC in a thread you started about falling in love, you wrote you knew your spouse was the one, even though she wasn’t even really your girlfriend yet, when you took her to a holiday party and all the male co-workers wanted to know about your beautiful date. That really stuck in my mind, since it was a surprising idea to me. Not right or wrong, just outside my experience.
Adding
Your posts certainly don’t make me mad. I just think we probably live not only in different bubbles, but in different bubbles on different planets.
Yay, garland.
That’s as it should be, when people care about each other as much as themselves or what others think of their partner.
When my bff got divorced, his choice, his emotional issues, his choice to have sn affair,
remarried asap to his girlfriend, I promised her I would never badmouth him, the man she had loved and been so good to, for so long, father to their kids. I haven’t. Nor have other friends and I tittered over his flaws. Instead, we helped hold her together.
Take the higher road, if possible. Try not to point fingers when it’s not your relationship, not your business. Or relish in blaming. Geez. Think about it.
H and I and our kids have tried our best to stay in decent physical shape. H and I are about the same height and weight for the past 40+ years and our kids are happy with their height and weight but D is working to improve her fitness level.
Being blessed with good genetics is very helpful but also having a nice climate for remaining active and having the time to exercise.
Marriages are very complicated. They do take care and attention to stay healthy, like all worthwhile relationships, but even more so.
@GoNoles I think it is great that you appreciate your wife’s looks – that is healthy for a relationship.
But since you appreciate honesty I will say that you seem a little pre-occupied with “rating” women. How about that post you wrote in another thread where you were rating the looks of the 4 college aged girls who rent the house across the street from you? Personally, having a college aged D myself I found that irritating. And PC culture aside, when it comes to things of that nature perhaps there are some things better left unsaid.
I think it’s important to figure yourself out, and what you really need/want/don’t want. And then filter all that stuff through the lens of your own values, family, long-term ramifications, etc.
Some folks are more candid about what is important to them and some folks are honestly much more affected by appearances than others.
^^yes
Sometimes we don’t know ourselves well enough when we are young and “picking”. That is where growing together is important but that’s hard to do sometimes too.
I get that. It’s caring what others think about the appearance of your significant other that surprises me. Though I don’t really know why.
I really do live in a bubble.
^^seriously!
Though I do wish my husband would quit wearing hole-y t-shirts.
@84,
You have a great memory but please allow me to set the record straight. I did take my now wife to a work Christmas party right when we were getting to know each other and there was another girl in the picture whom I had met previous and had been dating but we were not exclusive. I was young. She was young. It was Miami/Coral Gables. The possibilities were endless. I don’t blame her for not being sure about me. So, when I took my now wife to that party it wasn’t all the my male co-workers who made the fuss about who I was with. I only had one make co-worker at the time. The office I worked in at that time was 14 out of 15 female, believe it or not. It was the females I worked with who asked all the questions about the girl/young lady I was with and that did help me realize that something really great was right in front of my face so what was I waiting for? If you want to somehow make that seem seedy go for it but there was nothing seedy about it really.
87,
I didn’t “rate” them although I don’t recall what that thread was about to be honest. If you mean notice that one of them is really pretty then yes I did that. Some guy, her age, is going to be really happy to meet her. I don’t walk around with my eyes closed.
So in such a marriage as yours @GoNoles85 would you leave one another if you became disfigured or handicapped in some way? Would you understand if your wife left you for a more perfect looking spouse?
Oh ok @GoNoles, I can’t find the thread either but my recollection is that you thought 3 of them were just kind of “meh” but the 4th you described with some relish. But glad you cleared that up – I was just picturing a fifty something year old man leering through the blinds at these 18 year old college girls. I mean that would be a little creepy. Right?
Gently, noles, blaming the wife who gained weight is like blaming a crime victim. “She” was at fault. You don’t know. You just find this woman unattractive now and seem to have targeted her, for his transgression.
Sure, it’s nice to have an attractive partner. But aging, gaining weight, losing mobility, whatever, is not permission to cheat.
Noles, do you even realize your comments are sexist? “Some guy, her age, is going to be really happy to meet her.” Because of her looks? What happened to the brain part, personality, accomplishments? This can’t all be about testosterone, sheesh. It’s the 21st century.
Frankly, I find this disturbing. You aren’t even sheepish about this.
Looking through the blinds maybe creepy but I think the broader point is that men and women are going to view quite a few issues differently, as I mentioned indirectly in pretty much my first few posts on this thread. For women, in many cases, not all, but many cases, when a marriage breaks up because of infidelity it is an automatic slam on the guy who “cheated” and “betrayed” and so forth and so on yet they conveniently leave out the rest of the story.
Fine. I get that.
And like I said, as soon as the women leave the room, and only the guys are there, you will get a completely different reaction.
And as far as “rating” women. OMG. No. I’ve never been around when guys did that. That never happens. That is awful! And women never notice men’s looks so don’t worry about being seriously hypocritical.
Daymon Wayans used to have a comedy routine where he would joke about how if his wife ever got hurt he would be out of there but if he ever got hurt she’d stick with him. Part of the routine was him saying he wished he could go dancing with her but not being able to because she is in a wheelchair. I want to make clear at this point I absolutely did not laugh at this comedy routine and found it really appalling.
@94,
Yes, I would understand. Believe it or not.
@95,
I have no hesitation about “helping” my sons meet people if they need it which right now they do not so if I happen to notice someone around their age that might be the reason why.
Some people really are all about looks. It’s great when they find each other. Terrific actually. I just don’t know what happens when they suddenly lose their own attractiveness. How does one continue on in life if they are suddenly not attractive? You are one car accident away from a divorce. Or one mouth or nose or breast cancer away from divorce. Or one neuro disease or whatever from divorce. Yikes!