“Not all parents have homes/apartments large enough for kids to return to.”
Then how did the kids live there in the first place?
^ Some folks downsize after the kids leave for college.
I’d be fine with my kids staying for awhile, but I’d want them to be on their own for their own sake. I lived with my parents when I moved home after a year of working on my own after college. I then met hubby and didn’t move out until I got married. My son is working about an hour and a half away this summer, and his internship covered housing. This will be his first taste of living alone. People commute to DC from here, but I wouldn’t want either of my kids living here - it’s too family oriented, not enough for young singles.
S lived in a “family oriented” community, Reston VA. The condo building was erie–never met anyone in it, nor did D or S when they were there a week. S ended up moving away from there because of tobacco smoke that made its way into his unit and made him wheeze, cough and miserable. He moved to Arlington in an area with lots of younger folk his age.
I live in NoVA suburbs and agree with the prior 2 posts. D’s friends who have stayed in the area do not live with their parents in our suburb- they are in Arlington, Alexandria or DC itself. Those areas re much more geared to young single life.
I see nothing wrong about spending a few years past 18 living with the parents. Dorms are financially foolish if you genuinely can’t afford it, and it’s just an economically reasonable arrangement. There’s nothing to be proved by living in less convenient and much less economically lucrative living arrangements for the sake of showing that you don’t live with your parents, but some unfortunate fraction of people think otherwise. Living at home until 22-25, until you can afford to move out with some stability, is not a bad thing.
I’ve downsized to a 2 bedroom 2 bath condo and am flexible to accommodate my family. Sometimes daughter is here, other times my parents or siblings with their families. Having grown up in a large family I am used to sharing space.
When we were small we lived in a two bedroom apt. Imagine four girls in one room. A twin bed, a queen bed, and a crib. The other room being my parents room. When we moved to a single family home it was two to a room. Lot of my friends have grown up in extended families where there are three generations in the same home so everyone is used to it. With weekend guests sometimes even the living room turns into a place to sleep with bedding, sheets, and pillows on the carpet. I don’t know if many kids these days grow up sharing a room. I think most of them now have their own room. The homes today are larger but the families are mostly smaller.
I was just thinking about another trend that has disappeared - people renting rooms in their homes to boarders. I definitely know of members of older generations in my family for which that was the norm. One set of my grandparents lived year round in a resort town and they rented rooms to boarders. Another set of great grandparents had a long term single male boarder who was known to my mother as Uncle so-and-so. When I went to Liverpool and visited John Lennon’s childhood home, that is how he was raised - his aunt rented rooms to boarders and they all are together in a communal dining room. All of these examples took place in the 1940s and 1950s and a bit into the early 1960s. Expectations of privacy are now different.
I couldn’t have moved back home for more than a few weeks/months when I graduated from college, but my parents were divorced and unfortunately, everything was so dysfunctional. Divorce rates are down now. I know many of my friends who also had parents divorce in the 70’s really value the family unit and want to keep their kids close. And also, other friends who have divorced have managed things much more amicably than what seemed to be the typical 70’s divorce. Maybe all of that contributes to making a lot of homes places that adult children can return to for a few years. I liked my independence, and I enjoyed my penniless years-but at the same time-it would have been smart to stay home and save if that had been an option.
So much of this is cultural, too.
I was the first in my extended family to ‘go away’ to college and live in a dorm. During summers and after graduation, I returned to my NYC borough family home. Lots of extended family living arrangements in my neighborhoods, folks moved away for a job or out when they married.
We live in a destination area for young new grads and my own all returned to this area after graduation. Two lived with us, with some expectation of minimal rent and common courtesy rules. The third arranged alternative housing.
I actually did move in with my parents for 6 months after I graduated in order to save money to buy a car (my first). But from day one my goal (and probably theirs) was to save enough to move out and be self sufficient. No way would I have been content to live with my parents until I met the right guy and got married.
In a family of six kids, I think several of us landed back in the nest temporarily. It was usually viewed as a less than ideal but necessary and temporary solution.
@Pizzagirl I think Airbnb is changing that, although probably for a smaller percentage of the population than it once was.
Its a real issue, especially with the high rent prices in big cities like NY, LA, SF, and DC. Most college students aren’t graduating and falling right into a middle-class salaried career within their first-year, so they have to move back in with their parents. Even living in a less-expensive city (Cleveland) it isn’t financially-wise for me to sign a lease when there is a bit of space at my parent’s house.
My kids are appalled by the places where dh & I lived during and after college. One of them we permitted to stay in a house we owned for six months (paying utilities but not rent) before moving into a new place. Another blew a large portion of savings and gift money on rent in the first year in order to live in a “nice” place that seemed luxurious to me.
One of my grandmothers took in boarders after she was widowed, and my dad boarded with distant relatives for a while. My in-laws shared a home with elderly relatives (not their parents) for years. Our first apartment was tiny and made our first home (<900 SF) seem quite large in comparison. Dh says it’s our fault for spoiling our kids so we shouldn’t complain about their expectations.
This fits the topic well…and should allow for a laugh or two…
https://www.youtube.com/embed/hLpE1Pa8vvI?autoplay=1&autohide=1&showinfo=0&iv_load_policy=3&rel=0
Bah, I think most millennials are unfairly maligned. Each generation seems to complain about the one that follows. I don’t think our generation has done a very good job of things and I give credit to my kids and their friends for being more focused on a balance of life, less materialistic, and more concerned about things like the environment and social causes. just saying… 
S got a very good job in Boston after graduating so no need to come back home and live. He is closer to us now (approx 2 1/2 hr drive) then he was in college so does come home every few months for a weekend. It’s nice to be able to see him every so often.
And we are supposed to care what 18-21 year olds are doing why?
If you have something to say let’s look at the important part of the data.
My two millennials live on adjacent streets in Manhattan this summer and pay for their modest rooms themselves. They do not mind if their parents come over and take them out for a nice diner. This weekend we are taking them to the Met. Unfortunately I am too old to live in a shared apartment so I cannot afford to live in Manhattan.
“They do not mind if their parents come over and take them out for a nice diner.”
Sweet.