<p>I will be going into the hospital for a minor surgical procedure. It does involve general anesthesia for a very brief period of time, but there should not be an overnight hospital stay involved. In fact, the doctor says that I should be out of the hospital about 4 hours after the surgery, so as far as surgery goes this is very minor.</p>
<p>My question is whether you would be honest with your children about this, or whether you would not discuss it with your children. Children are in colleges far away and cannot come home when it is being done and could not get home soon afterward. They have never experienced either parent having a surgical procedure, so I would not know what what level of anxiety they might experience.</p>
<p>I would say it depends on the kid. Most will have known someone who had minor surgery (knee arthroscopy, wisdom teeth) so it won’t seem like a big deal. If it’s a kid who is a known worrier, I might wait until after the procedure. Either way, if I did talk my kid about it, I’d be sure to give him/her a chance to ask questions or express concerns so that you could answer them.</p>
<p>Momof3, I really have no idea as to how they will react. At first I was not going to discuss it at all, but I really do know that they would want me to tell them. I just don’t want grades effected and this to be on their minds for a while. They will be home for the holidays and this procedure won’t happen until nearly a month after they are back in school. That is a long time to worry about what should be such a minor thing. Then again. if I discuss this when they are home, they will be able to look me in the eye and see that I am not too worried about it.</p>
<p>I kinda look at it in a different way. To me, the “worrier” is the kid I would be sure to tell. The problem with not telling family members about health issues, is that is raises a specter in the worrier’s mind. Since they will eventually find out, they then fear that if an even more serious health problem arises in the future, you will not tell them. That makes worriers MORE uneasy about you. They always think, “What aren’t you telling me?”</p>
<p>I do agree with MomOf3, you should give the kid time to ask all questions. </p>
<p>For what it’s worth, I’ve had LOTS of surgeries, including lots of outpatient surgery, and you’ll be just fine.</p>
<p>I guess the only time I had general anesthesia ( ok twice but the first time I was 5 & I had my tonsils out), was when I had a breast reduction & I was discharged a few hours after but then had to care for myself ( I decided I would stay at my moms condo- while she was out of town- because then it would be quiet- rather than stay at home w the noise & the one bathroom) good thing- cause I had. had too much anesthesia & was really sick for over a day. ( I’m a redhead- we don’t take anesthesia well)</p>
<p>Im assuming you have someone to pick you up & take you home? that will be what they are mostly concerned about, unless it is related to an ongoing concern.</p>
<p>( I currently have the upcoming surgery of a little friend on my mind she is having her 4th open heart surgery for this year & for the 6th time in her life- she isn’t even two- so something where you get discharged same day seems like a piece of pie! * don’t like cake* )</p>
<p>I might mention it if the topic comes up ( so it sounds like it is elective?) but casually.- For elective minor surgery- I don’t know why they would be worried unless they usually freak over things like that & in that case I wouldn’t say anything, if it actually was minor.</p>
<p>My two cents: Honesty/full disclosure is the best policy. </p>
<p>Being calm and straightforward about such things will show your adult/almost adult children that you acknowledge their maturity. Make sure you (or someone who will be with you at the hospital) contact them as soon as the procedure is completed and you are ‘out of the woods’. This kind of thing is very ‘real world’–they’ll want to wish you well before the procedure and be glad when it is completed. I wanted my parents to be honest with me at that age and believe most of us feel the same. </p>
<p>Not a bad discussion for all of us to have with our kids…</p>
<p>I don’t know if it is considered “elective”. I know that it can wait and I was able to pick out a convenient time to have it done provided that the hospital had a slot open and my doctor was available. I gave the doctor a bunch of dates that were better for me and it works out. They were not able to schedule the this procedure until mid January at the earliest anyway.</p>
<p>I do have a family member who will do the driving and will stay with me. </p>
<p>I think that people worry about things like this because people do die or have complications from minor procedures. As the doc told me, anesthesias do have risks. The doc also explained the risks of the actual procedure but since those risks are minimal and the doc is explained how he is very careful to minimize those risks, I am not worried.</p>
<p>Another $.02–if it were me, I’d tell if it were something like knee surgery; not tell if it were something like cancer (particularly at this point in the semester). (Although of course if it’s “not tell”, I’d tell after the surgery when you’re feeling fine.)</p>
<p>Well since you have some time to prepare- make sure you are well hydrated- nourished & rested- ( it also reminds me that I have to schedule a time to take these screws out of my foot- I was supposed to have them taken out a long time ago- but being on crutches is such a PITA!- but now it really bothers me & it isn’t getting better :o)</p>
<p>People do have complications from minor procedures it is true & at some hospitals more than others! </p>
<p>What you could use this time to bring up though- is to let your kids know where all the important papers are in case of future emergencies - not in a way that indicates that an emergency is just around the corner- but it is a good time to make sure everything is updated. ( another reminder to myself as well)</p>
<p>I won’t bring up where papers are located because that would really signal gloom and doom. I have a husband who will be able to handle all of that, but he won’t need to worry about that. When we took a trip without our children, we did leave them with that kind of information, but that was a couple of years ago. I think that we should revisit those things when there isn’t a hospitalization pending.</p>
<p>If your kids are far away so can’t help out, and the procedure is minor, I don’t see why you need to tell them at all. Why get them worrying to no purpose? If you are having a biopsy, wait until you get the results, and then tell the kids about your condition only if you will need further treatment.</p>
<p>When I was a grad student many years ago, I had a suspicious breast lump biopsied and only told my parents after the results came back benign. My mom freaked but my dad thought I had done the right thing–otherwise she would have been fretting pointlessly for a couple of weeks.</p>
<p>If you can pull off sounding casual and breezy about it, I’d tell over the holidays and make light of it. Then, if there’s a need to disclose anything more afterwards, you won’t be springing something that may seem scarier due to having been hidden earlier.</p>
<p>I’ve had a lot of surgery, and my kids are very relaxed (to the point of being oblivious) about it. To be perfectly honest, I’ve been a little hurt/emotional (which I blame on the pain meds) about their seeming indifference or forgetfulness. </p>
<p>Emeraldkity4, would you <em>please</em> report back after you have those screws removed? I am dreading that and have postponed repeatedly.
<p>on both feet at the same time (wanting to avoid a protracted recovery waiting on one foot to heal before the other could be done) and ended up with problems that seemed to never end.</p>
<p>Actually- I am glad I didn’t have it done on both feet cause in some ways it is better- but someways worse-I also had a dr who did not despite my explicit request to give me a specific lenght of time to stay off my foot during recovery.
I told him that I dont register pain as pain & wouldn’t be able to tell- he refused and then when I went back in he * yelled at me* for being on it too much.
:rolleyes:</p>
<p>I think kids have to develop ways to compartmentalize their questions and thoughts & so it can make it seem like they aren’t concerned or paying attention- but when things are overwhelming they go into protective mode & they may not be able to ask questions without opening up the whole drawer of worries.
I remember when my dad died suddenly when I was 17, I was fairly numb & it took a long time ( & therapy) to process it- but in the meantime I just shrugged it off.</p>
<p>I faced a similar situation earlier this year and decided that since general anesthesia was required, the kids needed to know. We explained the procedure in a calm, non-alarming way and let them ask questions. While it was unsettling to hear and think about, they were glad to be treated as adults and kept in the loop.</p>
<p>I think it’s a mistake to keep this kind of information from your children. If they were still in high school, they’d obviously know. If they’re now college age, they should be old enough to be able to handle news like this as young adults. My Ds would be very perturbed if I ever kept something like this from them.</p>
<p>Tell them when they’re home for the break, prepare them, answer questions, etc. They should know. Jingle, you mentioned fretting pointlessly while awaiting biopsy results. Isn’t that what we do in families, for the people we love? Don’t we worry/hope for the best and offer support to the individual involved? This is about the mom, not the children.
Shouldn’t be ‘drama’, just concern.</p>
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