<p>So, I’m the mom…feeling extremely depressed this morning. My D has wanted UCLA as long as I can remember. We’ve gone to Bruin Woods every year since she was 3, go to the basketball games, and spend time on campus. That said, she def. has the grades and numbers to get in. Now I’m second guessing everything (for her). Was her essay not strong enough? Her stats are very comprable to some of her friends who got in. She keeps texting me from school, “…and so and so got in, too. Why not me?” I told her to look at all her friends who did NOT get in. But I can honestly say that she wanted UCLA more than any other kid I know.</p>
<p>How do I handle her these next few days (hopefully only days)? She doesn’t want to hear the typical bs that it wasn’t meant to be or there is a great school out there for you, etc. She’s always been such a high achiever and succeeded at most everything. I suppose it’s a good life lesson, but it hurts to see her so crushed.</p>
<p>I’ve read all the comments about appealing and I get it, so I won’t encourage her to do that. If she brings it up, we’ll take it from there.</p>
<p>Guess I just needed to vent, too. Thanks for listening.</p>
<p>You and I, as mothers, know UCLA (or any school) is not the answer to all hopes and prayers, but how do you tell that to your hardworking daughter so it feels real? I know exactly how you feel. I think as parents that’s why we go overboard - to keep our children from being disappointed.</p>
<p>It’s hard, but this is her first big lesson in learning that sometimes you don’t get what you want, even when you work for it. And nine times out of ten, that’s a GOOD thing.</p>
<p>She sounds great. This is only the beginning of wonderful stuff happening to her. From hereon in, everything will be up!!</p>
<p>thanks bubbles. I feel like I’m acting like the kid and can’t get rid of the knot in my stomach. I just want to hold her and tell her everything will be OK (EGBOK) but that’s the last thing she wants. Oh well, this too shall pass.</p>
<p>Just listen to her vent. The best you can do for her is to love and support her by listening to her. Do not join her in misery by acting like you believe that her life is ruined or UCLA is a horrible place. Don’t try to fix her situation by telling her to suck it up or everything happens for a reason.</p>
<p>You can’t fix this situation. You can, though, listen to her while knowing in your heart that there’s not one perfect school for anyone, and the majority of students who are rejected by their first choice go on to have very happy experiences at the colleges they end up attending. </p>
<p>No matter how broken their hearts are, most students do get over rejection by colleges long before they go off college. They just need some time and support while they let go of one dream and catch hold of another.</p>
<p>WHO THE HECK KNOWS!! Ive known some pretty remarkable students who were turned down by UCLA. One of whom was accepted to Princeton and ended up going there instead. (poor guy). I’m a UCLA alum (BS and MA), but I know that I would have never gotten in now with the stats I had in highschool back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
Remind her that there is always grad school.</p>
<p>When my kids are rejected (two are musicians - it happens a lot), I always tell them “Make 'em sorry.” </p>
<p>Look forward. Think of it as God’s direction, or fate, or whatever you believe in - and don’t think of whatever happens as “second best.” Assume she was meant to be elsewhere, and have her handle it in a way that the “rejecter” has reason to regret their decision (whether or not they are ever aware of it).</p>
<p>Eventually, your D may see some good that came out of a decision she had no ultimate control over. In the meantime, help her believe in herself and go forward with confidence, knowing that those who know her best love her most.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone. BTW Musicamusica, my hubby went to UCLA too when the dinosaurs roamed and has said many times that he’d never get in today. And that was the one and only school to which he applied. Can you imagine that today?!</p>
<p>“When my kids are rejected (two are musicians - it happens a lot), I always tell them “Make 'em sorry.””
RIGHT ON BINX! Our motto is “singing well is the best revenge”. Make 'em BEG you to come there for grad school.</p>
<p>It touches and hurts me to see posts from kids who have been denied admission to their first-choice college and who, besides feeling hurt themselves, are expressing sadness at “disappointing” their parents. For that reason, I would make sure my child knows that I love and am proud of her, consider UCLA’s decision UCLA’s loss, and believe there is not “one perfect college” for a student. Tell her she is a terrific person and student and you are confident she is going to end up somewhere she loves.</p>
<p>There are lots of colleges, from safeties to reaches, that my kid would ultimately have loved and flourished at, had he gone there, and the same is true of your child. Express confidence to her that she is going to be happy wherever she goes.</p>
<p>The Rolling Stones’ “Can’t Always Get What You Want” or Garth Brooks’ “Unanswered Prayers” songs might be a good listen for her tonight, too.</p>
<p>Sometimes I think we parents feel the rejection worse than our kids. I still nurse a grudge against the pre-school who rejected my D (after an interview!!). In a way, that was harder than any college rejection. I still hate them with all my heart! Fortunately, my daughter had no idea, being all of two.</p>
<p>There are times when a supportive parent may tell a child that the process was unfair, that he was robbed, etc., even if you really think otherwise. Always remember whose side you’re on.</p>
<p>Edited to add: I’m not suggesting that OP hasn’t done this–I’m just pontificating about this situation in general.</p>
<p>I think you’re doing a great job. Part of the reason I love this board is because I can vent to other parents and that helps me be the best parent I can be with my child. </p>
<p>Give your daughter a hug from your friends in the computer. UCLA’s loss, indeed!</p>
<p>jnrsmom: I assume you’re California residents…I second the motion for attending the best CC out there in your area (Santa Monica College comes to mind if you’re in LA), and doing the transfer track. It’s known as the Guaranteed Admissions Program there.
There are 2 information sessions coming up in April, I suggest you and your D attend and learn all you can.</p>
<p>Wednesday, April 22, 2009
5:15pm - 6:20pm
Room: HSS 103</p>
<p>Tuesday, April 28, 2009
11:15am 12:35pm
Room: HSS 106</p>
<p>From their website: </p>
<p>UCLA Scholars Program - “TAP” (Transfer Alliance Program) </p>
<pre><code>* New freshmen must have a 3.0 high school grade point average (GPA) and be eligible for or have completed English 1 (it is recommended that continuing students complete less than 24 transferable semester units).
Complete 60 transferable semester units, 15 units of Scholars classes and maintain a grade point average (GPA) of 3.2 .
The Scholars Program is recognized by Loyola Marymount University, Occidental College, CSU Northridge, UC Irvine, UC Santa Cruz, UCLA, Cal Poly Pomona, Mills College, and Chapman University.
Satisfactory completion of the Scholars Program mean “priority admission consideration” into the aforementioned universities in most majors.
Call (310) 434-4371 to make an appointment with a SMC Scholars counselor.
</code></pre>
<p>We went through that last year, although I’m certain it hurt me and H more than D. We were disappointed and hurt then angry, for WAY longer than seems reasonable, but we DO laugh now.</p>
<p>Unless your D is a pretty unusual senior, or unless UCLA is the only financially and academically acceptable choice, I’d wonder if she should do the CC thing, vs moving on. To me, that would be like making a decision because of a boyfriend or best friend that you might not care about in a few years.</p>
<p>Absolutely true! When our oldest D was denied on the EA round years ago, she second guessed everything about her application. When that same application got her into a top notch college on the RD round, then all parts of the application were golden.</p>
<p>Same application! Go figure.</p>
<p>There was a great thread about 5 years ago entitled, “How are your kids doing who didn’t get into their first choice school?” It was faith affirming to see how many kids had hit the ground running at their second or third choice school and were enjoying their time at college. </p>
<p>My D has said that once she was in college that she was glad that she didn’t get into her first choice college after all. Life is what happens to you when you’re making other plans. </p>
<p>Sorry for you and your D. But destiny is taking her in another direction…and I’d be one to ride that wave out right to the end.</p>
<p>Your whole household needs to mourn the loss of the Bruin dream. Your daughter not only disappointed herself but Mom and Alum Dad too. She will have to tell the news to everyone who asks and relive the sadness of not getting into UCLA. Be supportive but don’t hover or smother her. Take your cues from her. Never fear, her friends will prop her up and she will accept her next choice of colleges and move forward.</p>
<p>I’m sorry this is hitting your D so hard. It’s easy for us to rationalize the rejections at these competetive colleges since we know there are no guarantees but it still hurts when it hits. </p>
<p>The fact that she has the stats to be competetive at UCLA means she’ll have good opportunities at some other great colleges. The best thing to do is usually just to move on to one of these other good opportunites and once she’s there she probably won’t be thinking of the rejection much anymore. But there are some other options - </p>
<ul>
<li><p>An appeal is a possibility but usually only if there’s some significant information that could influence the admission decision that wasn’t on the application. Outside of that, I wouldn’t have high expectations for an appeal but there’s nothing to lose except the additional angst of waiting for another decision.</p></li>
<li><p>She could go to a CC for a couple of years and then transfer to UCLA.</p></li>
<li><p>One friend had a D who went to UCI, really wanted to go to UCLA, so she left UCI, did a CC for a year, then transferred to UCLA.</p></li>
<li><p>Attend another UC but also attend UCLA. How? Once she’s at another UC she could take some summer classes at UCLA if she wants and use that credit for the other UC. It might not be quite the same as being at UCLA for the full major but she could still have a taste of it and experience some of it.</p></li>
<li><p>Shoot for UCLA for grad school.</p></li>
</ul>