Electron-Why should formula feeding mothers avoid 24/7 rooming in? That’s what I did with my last one. Is your implication that formula feeders don’t WANT their babies in the room with them?
This is what the commercial is about-people trying to shame others for their choices. IRL it’s not so loud and blatant, but see what you did there-came right out and said formula isn’t as good and isn’t OK. It IS fine, just as many other choices are. There is no One True Way.
And I ran into plenty of these judgmental women when I had my youngest. They were always there, but the internet gave them a whole new platform to try and impose their way on everyone else. The people who accused us formula feeders of “poisoning” our babies instead of making a decision that worked for our family. The ones who called out “cribbers” as punishing our poor children instead of sleeping with them. The ones who think strollers doom babies to just sitting there unengaged instead of us “wearing” them 24/7. Maybe we have a bad shoulder so “wearing” won’t work. Maybe I flail around in my sleep and I don’t want to smack my baby in the face. Maybe I’m just low-income enough that I have to go back to work just a couple of weeks after the baby is born and there is no pumping option so formula is better.
I don’t really care who made the commercial-mothers on ALL sides of these Mommy Wars have been flogging each other for years and it’s about time someone pointed out the absurdity of it all. FWIW, my formula-fed, disposable diapered, crib-living, stroller pushed baby is a brilliant 15 yo who is happy, engaged, close to both parents and healthy. Whatever, as the kids say.
Even people who aren’t planning to breastfeed probably should while they are in the hospital because the colostrum contains proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vitamins, minerals, and proteins (antibodies) that fight disease-causing agents such as bacteria and viruses. No one will ever get me to believe that formula is just as good, but I don’t plan to fight about it.
There are genetic conditions that run in my family that I would terminate a pregnancy over in a heartbeat. I will wait until after tests are done to tell my MIL because she thinks abortion is murder and that is not something I’m willing to deal with. My parents, OTOH, fully back my decision. I will not apologize nor will I feel bad for protecting my mental health.
This was my partner’s idea by the way as he knows his mother far better than me, obviously.
When I was a senior in college, I was working on a project to look at maternal mortality rates in Michigan (where our maternal mortality is through the roof). I was talking to my FIL about it because he was interested. Then my MIL came into the conversation out of nowhere and said “Well, how many babies are you going to help kill with this?” My research had NOTHING to do with abortion- it was about access to hospitals, insurance, prenatal care, etc. In fact, the whole premise of what I was doing was on making sure fetuses were carried to full term- healthy.
^^^And regardless, your personal information is YOURS to disseminate when/how/if ever. There is no ironclad rule which states that both sides of the family are entitled to information at the exact same time. There just isn’t.
I think all the mommy wars stuff, whether real or imagined or hyped, strikes us all because it speaks to our fears that we are not doing a good enough job with our babies, or that they’re so fragile we’ll somehow hurt them in our ignorance. It’s so strong because we love our babies so much and want to do what’s best for them.
The guy who told me this had six children at the time (I think he eventually wound up with eight kids), and he was one of those guys whose way was the ONLY way. Big families are the ONLY way. Women staying at home is the ONLY way. His church was the ONLY church. You get the idea. What a boor.
Some of us didn’t have a choice - when the judge or critic is your boss, you just have to suck it up and bear with it.
The video was cute ! A few months after my 2nd baby was born , we moved to a new state. I didn’t know anyone so I went to a local la leche meeting, thinking I might bond with some of the mothers there. Holy mackerel ! That was when I learned about mommy wars and judging others that didn’t breast feed.
It was like a little secret society of breast milk nazis. I happened to breastfeed all of mine and never used formula ( because I didn’t have to ) But I never judged others who didn’t , for whatever reason.
This may have been an isolated thing with the group I attended…several years later, it was a la leche nurse that helped me when I ran into an issue with nursing that not one doctor could help me with
Not at all. Breastfeeders have to have the baby with them to feed on demand to establish milk supply. One of the advantages to formula feeding is that a brand new mother, perhaps recovering from major surgery, can check her baby into the nursery, if it exists, and try to get some decent sleep. I think she should have that choice. I also don’t think she should ever be presented with a release to sign saying she has been educated that breastfeeding is preferred. Women have their reasons for not breastfeeding and that should not be challenged.
I really don’t like the “nazi” terminology.
I believe mother nature usually knows what she is doing, but it has always seemed crazy to me that when new moms most need their rest is the time they are least likely to get it!
I totally agree and said what I said without knowing enough background. You are totally entitled to feel the way you do.
And yes, my son does share with me, but there is a definite favoring of her own mother by my DIL and no sharing by my son is going to help that. Maybe he should stand up for us more, but I wouldn’t want to be the reason for any conflict between the two of them. Doesn’t take care of the hurt feelings though.
Of course I don’t expect her to feel the same way about us than she does about her own parents and other than that one issue I love her dearly. Maybe if I wasn’t as fond of her as I am it wouldn’t bother me as much that her mother has privileges I don’t. She probably doesn’t even realize that she’s doing it. Just voicing my own feelings which I’m entitled to have.
Of course you’re entitled to your opinion- everyone is
Except for this, we really do include them in pretty much everything. They spent Christmas Eve with my parents and us. We always invite them to events (which we can do because they only live about an hour from us). When we got engaged, he called them when I called my parents.
This is just an issue where she will have no say and, because of who and how she is, it’s better for all involved that I keep it a secret until we know what we need to know. If my parents were anti-choice, I wouldn’t tell them either. However, because they’re not, I’ll appreciate their support.
“All of our kids grow up just fine (or messed up) no matter how they were raised.”
This may be the most nonsensical statement I’ve ever heard. Your behavior towards your kids absolutely affects them.
Most crap parents raise crap kids. Most involved parents produce reasonably good (sometimes great) kids. How you get there is a personal decision, but what works for me (and our kids) might not work for others. I think as long as you’re making a conscious effort to do the best for your kids, it’s all we can ask as a society.
My best might not be as good as someone else’s best, but as long as it’s not utter garbage, it’s a step in the right direction.
Lets get a grip here, we are talking about whether to breast/bottle feed, feed on schedule or on demand, we are not talking about beating up our kids or neglecting them here. Just remember the kind of parents we have on this forum. But most of us wouldn’t call us Mother of Dragon.
On a recent CC thread having to do with similar issues, I gave some advice. I was careful to say that this had worked for our family, but might not for another family. My post was followed by several others, saying in essence that I didn’t know what I was talking about. I felt attacked. One person came to my rescue. We “talked” further through private messages and agreed that it was like being back in the mommy wars.
I think MotherOfDragons post #62 is a perfect example of the mommy wars. I don’t think the post quoted was intended to mean in any way,shape or form that the quality of parenting doesn’t matter. It CLEARLY only meant that decisions as to whether to breast feed, whether to use cloth diapers vs. disposables, whether to use a stroller or a baby carrier are not the important ones.
“Research the “baby-friendly” initiative. It requires hospitals to counsel every new mother that breastfeeding is the ideal. It also does not allow formula gift bags or any marketing. To play by these rules, many hospitals have eliminated having nurseries altogether and require 24 hour rooming-in. Formula feeding mothers may want to avoid these hospitals.”
LOL! The move towards eliminating well-baby nurseries in hospitals is a PURE cost-savings play on the part of the hospitals, who can dress it up under the guise of “we want to promote breastfeeding and mother-baby-togetherness.” There’s nothing “baby-friendly” or “mother-friendly” about eliminating well-baby nurseries. It’s just another way sanctimommies can beat other mommies over the head – “what do you mean, you were too tired to keep your baby with you and selfishly wanted a full night’s rest? Wild horses couldn’t have dragged ME away, but I guess I’m just more bonded than you.” Spare me.
