<p>OK - I have to confess I get rather peeved when H has the remote in his hand on his leg flipping between golf, b-ball, CNN & the weather channel (while having laptop close for occasional surfing). I even have a special name for the remote which is too crude to even hint at on this thread.</p>
<p>But I have to admit there are many things I don’t do because they are HIS jobs - removing mice from basement traps about twice a year, unclogging toilets, getting the gunk out of the bathtub drain. So, if he says he won’t watch a chick flick (he never uses that term, but anything remotely considered coming close to one would qualify)I guess I am glad he doesn’t think to ask me to take my turn doing some really disgusting jobs!</p>
<p>"reciprocity–a very appropriate word. i sometimes feel i have done things my whole life that the boys in the family would enjoy. heck, even the dog has a *****.</p>
<p>the other day my husband walked the dog. he was so proud of himself. i had to laugh about it–isn’t it funny that all the mundane things i do everyday are overlooked, but one time walking the dog and he thinks he deserves a congressional medal of honor.</p>
<p>such is the story of my life. looking back i think i would have handled things much differently. it’s all a matter of proper training."</p>
<p>wbow: You have said it all. I couldn’t agree more.</p>
<p>Women of the World (well, Women of this internet board): How do we break the chain? My sons were helpful when they were little – it was a thrill tohelp Mommy. But as they’ve grown up, they seem to channel Dad much more. I have to argue with them to put their dishes in the dishwasher. So, how do we break the chain?</p>
<p>I wouldn’t recommend this at all but here’s how it got broken here: I am very severe asthma. Even worse when kids were little before so many inhaled steroid meds. So, DH did most of the physical stuff in the house, and certainly stuff that involved dust (going to basement, vacuuming, etc.) I cooked because no one would eat what he cooked.</p>
<p>DS is now very active in house, but, DD channelled me and acts the princess and won’t do anything! even though she’s very healthy. Well, you can’t win for losing as someone used to say.</p>
<p>You are excatly right. We as mothers and wives are always putting our families and other before ourselves. Maybe you could tell them if they would like dinner. You would like for them to watch a movie with you. I know how you feel. I did everthing for my children when they lived at home. and it always amazed me how they only thought of themselves. I raised them to help people in need, to be thoughtful to others, And I thougth I was showing them that through my example. but apparently not. You hang in there, and maybe they will see how special and important you are to their lives.</p>
<p>I posted this on another thread awhile ago. It was often like pulling teeth to get our kids to do much of anything around the house. (BTW, Dad here).</p>
<p>On the other hand, at the risk of seeming to brag I have lost count of how many times other people (teachers, other parents, etc.) told us how polite, respctful, well-mannered, and helpful our kids are. We took comfort that the lessons we tried to instill in them in fact did get through even if it wasn’t always on display at home.</p>
<p>Mafool, I would have responded sooner to your post, but I was busy writing thank you notes to some relatives, making dr.'s appointments for DD over spring break, buying a gift for a friend, etc., etc. :)</p>
<p>The families I have known who have raised the most helpful offspring, as well as developed the more involved dads tend to have gone through a certain amount of strife getting the point across. Some of my friends have been quite insistant on sharing of the chores, etc, to a point where I thought they should just give it up…as who needs that level of malcontent in the house? This was when kids were younger, and family patterns getting established. But in time those families developed into some of the most egalitarian ones I know. </p>
<p>The single parent life has made my kids indispensible. We go camping, host a party, etc, and they’ve all learned that we have to work together. There has been a certain amount of friction and loud words over getting work done NOW as well as imposing standards that are not to their natural inclination. But they’ve learned over time, and are better set up for living independently than some from intact families. I will and have worked my tail off for them in times of need or crisis, and expect the same from them. </p>
<p>On the other hand, I’ve had a rough time expecting them to do recreational things with me, watch movies, go for a hike. In earlier parenting years I knew it was important to establish rituals for such things together. But there was always some more immediate need, sports practices, birthday parties, school projects. Between that and joint custody, was very hard to find family togetherness time. Though I still make the most of my birthday and Mother’s Day to get them to participate in my activities. At this point, I think I’ve given up, though going out to eat or cooking a nice meal together usually is a good unifying activity.</p>
<p>With S’s independence has come a greater appreciation and repect for me and my efforts. If I ask for help when he is home, he doesn’t hesitate. Things are looking up.</p>
<p>Sonssecty made the original post yearning for some company from her sons while watching a movie or perhaps just sharing some downtime together. Maybe it’s a girl thing, but that’s not a problem with DD. On the other hand, while I know she really loves and respects me, I can’t see her ever really supporting me the way I do with my folks. I don’t know if that is good or bad - just the way it is. I have vowed to just enjoy her company and make plans for my future that do not rely on her help. That way, I will appreciate our time together and I will not resent what she doesn’t do for me.</p>
<p>Worknprogress – I’m definitely planning a future in which my daughter’s help/support is unnecessary. It is not her place to take care of me because I wasn’t bright or long-sighted enough to save or invest enough money to make even a long life self-supporting. If it comes down to my quality of life continuing only by her sacrificing her happiness, health or wealth, point me toward some compassionate doctor or a fast-moving train. I didn’t bring her into this world to take care of me. There’ll be no resentment in my heart because I have no expectations. She is a sweet and loving child (even though a teenager) and I’m sure she’ll offer whatever she can but I’m fully intending to be too dang proud to accept. My door will always be open for her, however.</p>
<p>But that might mean a sacrifice of time on their part. And the disappointment must come from how much you’ve sacrificed all of those years. Why can’t they even sacrifice 2 hours? For no other reason other then you would like them to!</p>
<p>I feel very fortunate when I read this thread. My husband works two jobs (although he is out of the house less hours per week than I am) and does most of the housework, all the yard/pool work, grocery shops, pays bills, and takes the kids to all their activities (I rarely drive). He even does some of the weeknight cooking and all of the icky stuff. I do the big weekend cooking, all the school-related things and maintain everyone’s schedule. My younger daughter does a great deal of the laundry. Off to tell him how much I appreciate him . . .</p>
<p>“Zoosermom: Does he give husband lessons??”
He gives my son chores, so that may count! His theory is that since he is home more than I am and he is not able to do the schoolwork component, then he’s happy to do the other things. He has many issues, but he is a hardworking man who will clean/fix/address anything he sees that needs doing. I am very grateful because I can’t imagine what our lives would be like if wasn’t that way. I still aspire to a cleaning person and lawn service someday.</p>