<p>I don’t watch romantic comedies either, as my rare movie going is part of my equally rare dating life, and most men are not interested. Would love to see Juno, and perhaps will at some point. I’d see the Simpsons’ in a minute, as I enjoy that humor, and love intense movies that make me think, Hotel Rwanda, Killing Fields, etc. </p>
<p>Am not putting anyone down, just trying to understand yet another mystifying part of the culture.</p>
<p>GLM, I have, on occassion, gone alone to see a film I particularly want to see. Husband is not a film buff, and has very definite dislikes. It is actually quite nice to be able to watch without wondering how the Other Person is liking/reacting to it.</p>
<p>great lakes mom:</p>
<p>Yes, agreed. Entertaining? no way / thought provoking? well, I guess we just didn’t get it.</p>
<p>And it doesn’t need to be entertaining to be enjoyable. We just saw “The Counterfeiters” which is a really dark dismal movie about mostly unappealing characters in a Nazi concentration camp. But it was so well done that even though most of the scenes were dismal, we all enjoyed it. And it outlined a moral dilemma that was quite thought provoking. I guess the difference is that catch phrase, redeeming values. And yes again, I’m also mystified by some of the limitations that people put on their experiences. Actually, I’m quite guilty of that also, but always looking to expand (hence the willingness to see No Country with my son. And … if he had enjoyed it, I would have been supportive just to make him feel good instead of letting him know I was bored. But, thank goodness we agreed!)</p>
<p>wharfrat2:</p>
<p>“If you consider my choice of terminology to be demeaning then so be it, there really isn’t a whole lot I can do about that. I guess we’ll just have to disagree.”</p>
<p>Well, actually, not to be condescending, which I hope I’m not being, but if I find out that someone is offended by a behavior or the way I say something, I hope there IS something I can do about it!</p>
<p>Hm. Professional in this area. Have taught many classes on gender studies attended by both women and men about both genders, gender stereotyping, etc.</p>
<p>The male gender role is a cage, just as the female gender role is. We all think we are the way we are naturally, free of all social conditioning, but it just aint so. (The same way no one feels affected by advertising, but it does seem to be affective.)</p>
<p>So, many quite erudite researchers have concluded that being masculine is whatever is “not feminine.” This allows adolescent males to separate from their mothers and do the business of growing into men.</p>
<p>I am a great fan of men and make this point repeatedly in gender studies classes. However, I must say I do find the terminology “chick flick” demeaning and I find it sad that people would dismiss an entire genre of film. Many romantic comedies are duds. It’s a hard genre to succeed in, partly for the reasons given. The movies can often be trivial, banal, predictable, boring. But that’s a fault of the film I think, not the genre. Dismiss all the old Cary Grant romantic comedies? Sacre bleu! </p>
<p>And what about the men who enjoy “chick flicks” like my H and my S? Are they chicks? Neither is gay. Can attest for one most personally. So it’s demeaning to these men as well.</p>
<p>I didn’t see No Country. I don’t like Pulp Fiction because I feel it’s attitudes toward violence too casual. I loved Rescue Dawn which my D had to turn away from. I have loved many war/action movies and one of my favorite movies of all time is The Hunt for Red October.</p>
<p>I think it is quite legitimate to say certain works don’t do it for us. Hey, I thought Atonement was boring and the ending ridiculous! Would it have been a “chick flick” if I liked it and a guy didn’t? Or would it be appropriate if I looked down at and pigeon-holed everyone who liked it? Or if I judged those who liked No Country violence mongers? (I don’t. Art is subjective. My best girl friend loved it, and even if she didn’t wouldn’t judge.)</p>
<p>“Chick flick” implies that women have weaker judgement or lesser taste. And even if it’s not meant that way, I’m afraid it does have that connotation.</p>
<p>wharfrat2: I know you mean no harm and no disrespect, but I seem to recall that you teach AP’s. I know my D wouldn’t have liked sitting in a class and hearing movies she enjoyed being labeled “chick flicks.” Nor does it give young men a chance to enjoy these movies. Let’s not polarize ourselves any more than we have to.</p>
<p>GD: I realize this is going to be incendiary but here goes. If I’m truly worried about how someone may react to something I say or what the repercussions may be if I say it or it gets repeated then I don’t say it.</p>
<p>Otherwise if I do say something I really don’t care how people take it.</p>
<p>mythmom: You’re right I do not intend harm or disrespect. I also am very much aware as a teacher of the awesome responsibility I have with regard to young people. As I stated above, when I’m concerned about the reaction such as with impressionable young people I am very careful about what I say and how I say it.</p>
<p>wharfrat2:</p>
<p>“Otherwise if I do say something I really don’t care how people take it.”</p>
<p>What would happen if you DID care? Or at least cared MORE about other people’s feelings, even if you WEREN’T worried?</p>
<p>GreyDad: Believe me there are many times I control my comments because I do in fact care about people’s feelings. But I am very direct about stating my opinion when need be. The thing is I am actually quite able to recognize that others have a different opinion and that mine is no more “right” than theirs.</p>
<p>chick flicks- I think of lightweight movies- that arent really about anything & don’t require much thought to watch.
I think that is demeaning- to imply that women as a gender prefer " lightweight" entertainment.</p>
<p>“Women’s magazines” also to me have a distinct connotation.
Instead of describing the magazine as about " travel or fashion or cooking" all categories that magazines that I have bought fall under and about subjects in which men are interested as well- a magazine described as a " woman’s magazine", seems also conflicting and can be demeaning.
They rarely have articles about world affairs, economics or larger issues that trickle down to day to day life.
They will have articles about fattening foods & diets, how to make peace with your step children & how to get along with your father in law.</p>
<p>How come Esquire doesn’t have articles on how to divide up household chores?</p>
<p>I used to read Esquire regularly because I liked the short stories and the essays- but they must have changed cause that was about 25 years ago.
People always thought I was reading a “men’s” magazine.
If you get my drift.
It took me a long time to realize what they were getting at.
I think it started as a racy magazine in * the 1930’s* but that was a few decades before I had started reading it.</p>
<p>Boy there have been several magazines I really liked that are now defunct.
Omni( science fiction), Doubletake( photography literary), Sassy( teen girls), SG( girls who board-surf/skate/snow)
some sort of things are still on the web- but are you going to take your laptop into the bathroom?</p>
<p>wharfrat2: Well, we have both said our piece. I am sure you are an awesome and respectful teacher. I have no doubt.</p>
<p>I am willing to agree to disagree because, in my view, no sense beating a dead horse.</p>
<p>I have made my argument and you are certainly free to not agree.</p>
<p>Okay, since the topic continued I’ll make a few statements then exit again - </p>
<ul>
<li><p>Since various posters have their own idea of what the term means, I’ll state my interpretation - “a movie meant to largely appeal to a female target audience segment”. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t have a wider appeal since not that many movies are so narrowly focused but I’m quite certain the writers and studios knew exactly the segment they were targeting with movies sometimes referred to with the term I previously used. They know the target as well for car-chase movies, martial arts movies, bugs bunny movies, and all the rest. In television think Lifetime channel, Spike channel, and all those in between.</p></li>
<li><p>I don’t think the term is meant to be demeaning and disagree with mythmom when she states it “implies that women have weaker judgement or lesser taste”. That’s certainly not how I used the term and isn’t how the many others I’ve known who used the term meant it. As I stated before, at least most of us simply mean it to be a descriptive term about a movie primarily targeted at women. If you at least can accept that certain people didn’t mean a term in a negative way or with the negative connotation you have for the term, then hopefully you’ll feel a little better about it. </p></li>
<li><p>There’s a similar term with the term ‘flicks’ replaced with ‘cars’ and whether people realize it or not, the car manufacturers also target certain population segments, which inlcudes gender, in developing and marketing their cars. In fact, they invest quite a bit of research in this area and I would imagine it’s a potential employment opportunity for someone with degrees in ‘Gender Studies’ as might be the entertainment industry.</p></li>
<li><p>The OP felt bad that her H and S didn’t want to enjoy her particular movies apparently. I offered a real explanation for why they might not want to sit through such movies and that it might have been more to do with the particular movie choice rather than not wanting to be with her. Understanding this and with the goal of ‘togetherness’ in mind, there are many other movie choices that might have a wider appeal. The same applies to particular shows the guys might want to watch. </p></li>
<li><p>Obviously the term means different things to different people for whatever reason. Since some posters here seem to find it offensive even if it wasn’t meant to be and are sensitive to the term, then in my mind that’s reason enough for me not to use it again here since I don’t mean to offend anyone with it. </p></li>
</ul>
<p>Okay, I’m back out of this thread.</p>
<p>(from ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad) - “The OP felt bad that her H and S didn’t want to enjoy her particular movies apparently. I offered a real explanation for why they might not want to sit through such movies and that it might have been more to do with the particular movie choice rather than not wanting to be with her. Understanding this and with the goal of ‘togetherness’ in mind, there are many other movie choices that might have a wider appeal. The same applies to particular shows the guys might want to watch.”</p>
<p>Clarification from OP: I never felt that my husband and sons didn’t want to be with me. We have lots of togetherness which we all enjoy. The specific gripe had to do with the fact that I picked movies that I had watched and was sure that they would enjoy, too. However, where they used to trust me to make good “movie decisions,” they now question me about the contents of the movie. I realize that there are so many other things they could be doing and they don’t want to waste their time. What happened to that trust? They have usually been very satisfied with my “movie decisions” so what happened?</p>
<p>Part of the issue is the fact that I sit through tv shows/movies that my sons and husband like, even if I normally wouldn’t watch them. I do it because I know that they enjoy sharing it with me. As I said previously, I often become interested when I give “their shows” a chance.</p>
<p>Maybe we can get back to the original purpose of this thread, “Moms/Wives Feeling Underappreciated Club.”</p>
<p>Right! I began watching hockey because my husband and son watched and talked about it. As I came to understand some of the more subtle aspects, I developed an appreciation of the game. (You notice I say appreciation, not love. And more than one game per evening is pushing it!) My gripe is the unwillingness to behave in a similar, open-minded manner when I want to do or see something that is not in the males’ top ten list.</p>
<p>Reciprocity is what is missing here. (Son is getting better. Husband is a lost cause.)</p>
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<p>Come on! If straightforward terms like “women’s magzine” is going to be considered demeaning, what terms are left to us? What is the proper term? “Femo-Magazines”? “Double-X Chromosomal Literature”? “The Estrogen Press”? </p>
<br>
<br>
<p>Esquire has changed. About a decade ago or so they got a new editor and moved away from interesting articles, fiction, and essays and put much greater emphasis on men’s fashion. They have almost become a GQ clone, which is why I quit reading Esquiire.</p>
<p>reciprocity–a very appropriate word. i sometimes feel i have done things my whole life that the boys in the family would enjoy. heck, even the dog has a *****. </p>
<p>the other day my husband walked the dog. he was so proud of himself. i had to laugh about it–isn’t it funny that all the mundane things i do everyday are overlooked, but one time walking the dog and he thinks he deserves a congressional medal of honor.</p>
<p>such is the story of my life. looking back i think i would have handled things much differently. it’s all a matter of proper training.</p>
<p>wbow-</p>
<p>Reminds me of the time I was waiting in the pediatrician’s office with a sick child, along with many other moms and their kids. A dad came in with his child. The woman behind the counter said, “Oh, are you babysitting today?” with a bright, admiring smile. </p>
<p>Even women are sucked in! What is normal for us is heroic for the men.</p>
<p>Sigh. I’d like to think it is better now, but I wonder.</p>
<p>I used to go on strike when I felt underappreciated. I wouldn’t do anything not absolutely essential. So Friday evening after everyone was home, I’d announce: “I’m on strike until you all appreciate what I do.”</p>
<p>I’d make my own meals–and not theirs. I’d do my own laundry–and not theirs. I’d sit down in front of the TV with the remote in my hand and watch something only I would enjoy. (Yes, that would be a chick flick… or worse, a dog agility training video. My husband likes his exploding helicopter movies. AND there’s a website for him, of course: [index</a> at rotaryaction.com - website of helicopters in movies and tv](<a href=“http://www.rotaryaction.com/]index”>http://www.rotaryaction.com/))</p>
<p>It rarely took more than three days before I felt appreciated and wanted again.</p>
<p>This thread needs to have some discussion of the subtle distinctions between “chick flicks” and “date movies”. The two genres overlap to some extent. (When Harry Met Sally is both, True Lies is much more the latter than the former. Fried Green Tomatoes? Not on MY date!)</p>
<p>Date movies- I’ll go there-
I probably went to more movies with my ( then boyfriend) in the first year we were dating than in the last 10 ( I know I have- the last movie we saw was Into the Wild)
Tall Blond Man ( in French)
Lots of French films actually- La Cage au Folles, Get out your Hankerchiefs, Peppermint Soda
Woody Allen - Annie Hall & Everything you always wanted to know about Sex & Sleeper
The Goodbye Girl, Looking for Mr Goodbar, Saturday night fever 
Star Wars & CLose Encounters of the Third Kind</p>
<p>I don’t know if I would call any of those “chick flicks” but they were good date movies.</p>
<p>Wow! I lucked out because H would definitely go to see Fried Green Tomatoes as a date, just as I went to see Ran, wonderful, wonderful but very bloody. If it’s good, we’ll both attend.</p>
<p>Persona is a movie with just two female protagonists, but Bergman? Count H in.</p>
<p>And I liked Superbad, certainly a movie with teenaged boys in mind.</p>