<p>As we await M10 decisions, our family is facing a concundrum: We made a significant pledge to a fundraising campaign at Ds current day school that we planned to pay over 3 years. we thought she’d be staying through 12th grade at the time. First payment has been made. Although we are of course still waiting for this week’s decisions, there isn’t a chance that D is returning to the school, as she has been admitted to 2 other schools with rolling admissions that she’d be very happy attending. So here goes…do we have to fulfill our commitment to the current school?</p>
<p>I think you should honor your pledge. I think it might be very helpful to have an honest conversation with the head of the current school, development officer, head of the board, explaining the circumstances of your daughter’s departure and perhaps discuss your the pledge. Everyone always appreciates honesty, and although you may have criticisms, they will want to know what made you and your daughter want to make the change.</p>
<p>^^not enough info to judge. Are there genuine reasons that the current school is not a good fit? Probably. Try to do an exit interview with the school to discuss. </p>
<p>A pledge is only a pledge…in fact that’s why it’s a pledge and not money in the bank. Only you can decide whether or not it’s “worth it” to burn your bridges at the old school, because it probably would burn bridges not to fulfill the pledge. (Whereas, just say your child tried boarding school and hated it…many day schools would happily welcome back a kid & family who were not only paying tuition but supporting the school’ mission as well.)</p>
<p>So, several things to consider on your part.</p>
<p>We were asked for a private school pledge several years ago at a time when we were thinking about a relocation. We explained our situation to the Headmaster who acknowledged “Of course we wouldn’t expect you to pay the (years 2 and 3) outward commitments” if you moved.</p>
<p>We ended up pledging to the campaign over a 3-year period and did not move. We honored our commitment. However, had we moved, I would have lost no sleep over not contributing to years 2 and 3. That stance might be different had our contribution amount been so large that the building campaign been dependent on it.</p>
<p>In summary, don’t feel bad unless the school or project will go defunct if you back out.</p>
<p>Yes, agree with PelicanDad here. Depends on why you’re changing schools. If boarding school didn’t work out, would you want DC to go back to the current school, or is it so bad that you’d find a different school locally? Also, how happy have you been with the job the school has done so far? If you feel they’ve earned it and you can afford it, you might honor the pledge for that reason too.</p>
<p>I think the private day school community is very small. If your daughter switches to another one of the day schools in your community, that school will definitely know that you chose not to honor your pledge at the other school. Also, was it a large one time pledge paid out over 3 or 5 years? or was it a multi year pledge of x dollars? I sit on the board of a local private day school and we definitely know who hasn’t honored their pledges.</p>
<p>If you gave your word, you should honor the pledge.</p>
<p>You want to honor your pledge.</p>
<p>I agree. I would honor the pledge.</p>
<p>You’re not obligated to fulfill the pledge unless you really love the school.</p>
<p>It happens more than you think - and if money is an issue - explain it to the school politely so they won’t include the future amounts in their budgets. </p>
<p>A pledge is a “gift”, not an enforceable contract. If explained politely, I doubt you will burn a bridge.</p>
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<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/11/giving/11DEFER.html?pagewanted=print[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/11/giving/11DEFER.html?pagewanted=print</a></p>
<p>Your current school’s board will know. Do you plan to live in the same town? Would you or your spouse wish to serve local institutions in the future?</p>
<p>Once you know where things stand, you should talk to the development officer at the school. Maybe, with boarding school payments now in the picture, your financial means are more limited. Maybe there are reasons related to the school not living up to its mission or other shortcomings that drove the decision to take her out. The specifics of your situation should be spelled out with that person as you discuss your pledge obligation. They’ve budgeted on the basis of your pledge and expect it to be paid. But they also understand that pledging is different from most contractual obligations in that there’s often nothing (or little) provided to the pledgor in return for the pledge – and some pledges specifically provide for allowances if circumstances change (as an inducement to make pledgors comfortable about pledging over time). The facts that drive your decision will be very specific to you and, remember, there’s always the option of revising your pledge to something between $0 and the original pledged amount so that you will fulfill your revised pledge. You can clear all of this up with a call to (or meeting with) the person at the school responsible for the pledges. Unless you decide to fulfill it as originally pledged, you definitely should touch base with that person shortly (versus ignoring their reminder notices and letting the draw their own conclusions over time).</p>
<p>While everyone expects to receive the money of the pledge, unfortunately that does not always happen for many reasons including loss of income/investments or a parting of the ways. I assume that you pledged not for the annual fund but for the building fund or another project, something that is collected over the years, and is not counted on day to day. If money is tight and you feel like you won’t be able to support the new school if you pay out your pledge, and feel like you will never want to avail yourself of that school, do have a conversation with the development office and explain that you arent able to fulfill the pledge. They will understand.</p>
<p>The New York Times “The Ethicist” column had a related question just this past Sunday (it’s the second question):
<a href=“Operating Under the Influence - The New York Times”>Operating Under the Influence - The New York Times;
<p>QUOTE:
This past fall, I pledged to make a donation to my and my wife’s alma mater, as we have done faithfully since graduating. But more recently, the school has been in the news for some very dubious labor practices. We are wary of supporting an organization whose values are so in conflict with ours, but we did make a pledge. May we renege? JOHN NGAI, BERKELEY, CALIF.</p>
<p>Sure you may. A pledge is a good-faith statement of intent, not a contract written in blood. If the school closed its academic departments and kept only the sports teams, would you still be bound? Of course not; it would have become a different school, and you could decide whether to contribute to the new entity. Same goes here: the school showed itself to be something other than the upstanding institution you thought it to be. You can send your check someplace you consider more worthy. That said, you might (for better or worse) have more influence on the school as a donor — something to consider if you hope to push your alma mater toward more ethical policies.</p>
<p>We are in a similar situation with our kid’s previous school. We’ve chosen to continue donations because we still have a relationship with the school’s alums and students. They are neighbors, friends, business colleagues. If we were absolutely done with any contact from the previous school, it would probably be different. I think it depends on whether you are truly ‘done’ with the school. And maybe also the size of the donation. For example, if it’ll halt the new library’s construction halfway into the work, that would affect the school in a major way and perhaps you need to fulfill the pledge.</p>