<p>The agreement is a contract, signed solely by the student, so if they are over 18, it is a contract. “I agree to be transported to … right after graduation, by the bus, and transported back in the morning…”</p>
<p>And they take into account if the student is over 18</p>
<p>And they call it a contract, so if you are 18, you are signing a contract and agree its a contract</p>
<p>That can’t be held against their will, I guess, its just that there was to be no transportation from the event provided by the organizers, and the student agreed it would be the parents to get them and the parents refused.</p>
<p>I dont’ know the particular girls- I don’t know why they wanted to leave- I am wondering if they were actually “sober” at the time- I have a hard time imagining girls throwing such a destructive tantrum if they were.
I know that the parents raise money so that everyone can particpate for minimal cost- at some schools the cost for graduation/party is quite high.</p>
<p>At our school it is less than $30- however this might contribute to students taking it less seriously.
My high school didn’t have an official graduation party- we did have our traditions however- it was called the senior keg- and it was held in the woods- one year three teens died coming home in an accident- I remember scrubbing their blood out of the asphalt so their parents wouldn’t have to see it when they drove by.
I appreciate that most schools now have alternatives for kids who want to celebrate- but in a fairly controlled environment.
I hate to blame parents for practically adult kids behavior, but I have seen instances where it does seem that parents just aren’t involved enough or provide enough guidance for their kids.
I think if my daughters did really want to leave- I wouldn’t have hesitated to come and get them- I don’t know what was going on with those parents that they did not.
Now of course- the school- the parents and the kids are all learning the consequences of their actions. I expect there will be some changes made for next year- at least I expect we will recruit some of our more big and burly parents to chaperone as a deterrent to physical mayhem.</p>
<p>I am sorry that I have annoyed you with my take of the students rights. My intention was merely to identify why it might be hard to enforce this type of provision, never to justify the criminal behavior or poor manners of the students. This is frustrating because adults try to provide a safe and fun event and have it undermined by other parents and their children. Over the past four years, I have spent evenings volunteering at the refreshment stand at the Sacramento Kings games to help raise money for our school grad night, so I do know how much effort goes into it. If the girls were drinking that is a bigger problem.</p>
<p>
Yes, EK. Project Graduation started in Maine 20+ years ago because of just such a tragedy. To have our newly minted HS grads showing their love for their dead friends and their sensitivity and caring for the parents in the way you did - this is what we don’t want to see anymore. And that is why it is so upsetting to me, personally, to see the disrespect for the evening.</p>
<p>Mr. B, I believe we are on the same sheet of music here. You are probably right that this “contract” provision might be hard to enforce. The pity is that the question of enforcement even arises.</p>
<p>II have to admit. I was thinking about starting a discussion regarding the same thing – kids attitudes. Only mine is home after her Freshman year. For the past month, her routine has been as such:</p>
<p>Get up at 9:00 (house rules stretched to the limit)
Take a shower, get dressed and do her hair until 10:00
10:00-11:00 was check e-mail and IM boyfriend
11:00-12:30 was unpack stuff from college (that took a month)
12:30-2:00 was fix her lunch, and IM boyfriend while she was eating it
2:00-4:00 was do exercises downstairs while watching cartoons
About 4:00 she would start getting ready because she was in a theater show that was an hour away.<br>
She would leave about 5:30 and get home about 11:00 or so. She would talk with boyfriend all the way home, then IM him until midnight, when he had to go to bed.</p>
<p>Then we would start it all over again the next day. If she did not have rehearsal, then she would eat supper with us, then sit around until 9:00 when, you guessed it, boyfriend would call. Then they would talk on the phone until midnight. (He lives 3 hours away.)</p>
<p>Occasionally she would go out and look for a job, but she didn’t start that until almost Memorial Day. She applied at approximately 16 places. By now, she has decided that no one is hiring and she sees no reason to apply for any more jobs. And starting Monday, her show will be over.</p>
<p>I am home all day, whit 6 toddlers/preschools (I run a day care). There has been a lot of resentment about the fact that she is treating our house like a hotel where everything is there for her, but she doesn’t have to do anything. Daughter and I have locked horns a lot, to the point that now she does not listen to me. And Husband commutes, so he doesn’t get home until 6:00, and she is already gone.</p>
<p>After reading this discussion, I have come up with a couple of “plans of action”. First, you are right. I do not deserve to be treated to “like that”. Secondly, Sunday evening I think her Dad and I and her are going to sit down and have a serious, quiet talk. She already knows that we are not going to send her spending money in college next year. We didn’t last year. And I think that starting Monday, she will either be responsible for dishes (an ongoing process with the day care) or she will be responsible for getting supper ready every night. Or finding a job. There is no reason for her to spend the summer reading and IMing and taking naps so that she can stay up late.</p>
<p>If they want to be treated like adults, she needs to have responsibility. </p>
<p>Thanks for letting me vent. Wish me luck!</p>
<p>Peg</p>
<p>GOOD LUCK!!! You are on the right track.</p>
<p>peggy,
LOL, that behavior sounds like my younger one much of the summer. (Luckily, though, doesn’t have boyfriend.)</p>
<p>It only happens to be a particular e.c. that prevents her from getting her first job this summer, but next summer it will be a different story. (1) She needs to learn that “her” spending money comes from <em>somewhere</em>; (2) Laziness doesn’t cut it before college – or much after, either.</p>
<p>I have constant “maid” problems with D#2. I’m seriously thinking that allowance will be paid now at the <em>end</em> of the month, and <em>after</em> household work is contributed to. As it is, at least she doesn’t get to engage in certain privileges until own room is picked up, at minimum.</p>
<p>As to D#1, the suddenly new attitude of withdrawal & distance is painful for me, but then, she’s never done that before, so I should be grateful for what I’ve had until now. I had assumed (wrongly!) that the summer before college would bring increased bonding between us. (We’ve always been close.) That’s not happening.</p>
<p>Oh, well…</p>
<p>I think the kids are too anxious before college for increased bonding. Really! They have a lot to be anxious about, and they don’t handle it well. My DS (rising HS junior) has a schedule like peggy’s daughter, but without the boyfriend. 10:00 a.m. rise while protesting about being forced to get up so “early”. 10-12 play computer games. 12-1 eat lunch and watch TV. 1-4 p.m play computer games 4-6 hang out with friends. play tennis 6-7 eat 7-midnight Eat and play computer games. Read a little. 1/2 an hour of S.A.T. prep a day. Sweet boy, doesn’t drive and no work available without car. I know it’s a “waste” of a summer, but he seems happy, and he loves having so much down time. He does load and unload the dishwasher, do his own laundry, walk the dog, etc.</p>
<p>epiphany…we, again, are going through similar circumstances. On days it’s good, it is as though the sun has popped out from behind gray clouds. But ABlestMom has thoroughly cheered me up…reminding me that, hopefully, this is just a stage…</p>
<p>crash,
The upside to this is that both D’s are at least bonding to each other. It’s been about 5 yrs. since I’ve seen that. I know that is more important than my temporary discomfort. The younger one especially needs that now: she will no longer be competing directly with such a star in the same school, which must be quite a relief, but I think she is experiencing already a great deal of separation anxiety & seems eager to grab every possible morsel of “sage advice.”</p>
<p>Older D has lived in very secure & stable school environments. She’ll soon be meeting hundreds of strangers, have no local relatives as anchors, & encounter vastly different weather patterns. That is not to mention leaving the daily physical presence of her close friends. She deserves some patience & magnanimity on my part.</p>
<p>Actually, things have gotten a bit better the last few days because I kind of just operate on my own and if “they” (the teens)want to talk to me, they can come and find me…kinda like making friends with a wild animal. It’s better to let them come to you…</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Exactly my strategy lately! It works, too! Distance and quiet for a time, then my previously-sullen son plops down on the couch next to me, with a “so, how’s it going?” It was all I could do not to laugh…</p>
<p>Anyone else’s new h.s. grad showing signs of needing to move on to college? Looking for someone to commiserate with.</p>
<p>i am certainly one of those grads desperately looking forward to college</p>
<p>Any parents seeing changes in their soon-to-be freshmen??</p>
<p>D is anxious and also initially after graduation started acting as though there should be no more rules to follow. That ended quickly after putting my foot down. Now she is simply getting scared to leave. I think a roomate assignment might help this issue but it hasn’t come yet. She has also been questioning her choice of school. I guess that’s normal.</p>
<p>Maybe he feels like you’re patronizing him. Do you habitually ask him if he’s done stuff that he routinely does without prompting? I’m sur ethe problem goes deeper than that, its just that example caught my eye as one that might be easily solved with better communication.</p>