<p>Unpleasantness continues … Today son and I were in a very congested parking area.
Mom “There are no spaces left at all.”
Son “Pull in there.” He is pointing to a corner that is not really a spot and that I could maybe squeeze into but never get out of.
Mom “I’m not going to park there.”
Son (says in a hateful know-it-all tone) "You want everything so safe. You should have parked there.
Mom (voice rising) “I don’t deserve that from you.”
Son continues to glare at me while I wind around the parking lot which indeed has no empty spots. I finally see a driver pulling out and am able to take his spot.
By this time son and I are not speaking to each other and younger son is saying, “but I didn’t say anything about your driving Mom.”</p>
<p>After 2 hours we return to the parking lot. Everyone is much calmer and the unpleasant incident has almost been forgotton when we walk past the corner spot that son had wanted me to pull into and I see a very aggitated man who has parked there and is actually now hemmed in by an SUV and a van. I look to see if son has seen it and he has. Neither of us mentions it. </p>
<p>I sometimes think I will lose all my good sense by the end of this summer. But I am really glad that I didn’t take that bad parking spot and that I got a told-you-so moment without having to say a word. I guess when son is out there without me he will take those chances and learn the things he needs to learn. It’s just that I have already learned those things and I know when I am willing to take a risk and when things are not worth the risk. That’s what makes me the parent, right?</p>
<p>I mean, if the above situation had happened to me, it probably would have gone down something like this:
I’m not saying that my attempts at humor are all that funny, but occasionally I come up with a good one. My son used to make those sorts of comments all the time until he was about 20 - but it was hard for him to get a rise out of me. He’d get the jokes instead. Of course, a tight-space parking issue would probably lead me to remember the time he was pulling my car into his dad’s garage and stripped off the right side mirror. (Leading to some comment like: “You’re right - risky parking is more fun. Who needs outside mirrors anyway?”) </p>
<p>There were times when my son’s criticism would get out of hand – but it definitely would have taken sustained effort on my son’s part, rather than a single comment.</p>
<p>I am glad you got your told-you-so moment in any case.</p>
<p>I had to post this about our high schools after grad party.
We have , like I imagine several schools do- a hosted party after graduation where students are taken to a undisclosed location ( heavily supervised) allowed to “party” until they are too tired to get into trouble and then taken back to the school at daybreak, to get picked up.
Everyone signs something before hand agreeing that students will not be permitted to leave with anyone besides their parents or responsible adult from the party.
Anyway apparently a few girls were a little ticked that their parents would not come and get them when they wanted to leave.
More than ticked actually, they trashed a seat on the charter bus and pulled a pay phone from the wall.
Don’t know how the school is handling it- I suppose withholding their diplomas- although that won’t get the money to pay for the expenses.
Their parents are also angry that the girls weren’t released when they wanted to leave.
Doesn’t anybody read anything that they sign anymore?</p>
<p>I’ve been completely lenient with my son for the past few months - he can come in anytime he wants and go where he wants. I just ask that he keep me informed. The difference for us, I believe, is that I’ll be dropping him off at the United States Military Academy on June 27 (yes, next Monday) for the start of Cadet Basic Training and the start of nine years of military commitment. So, it seemed awfully silly to keep the reins on. And my son has a level head and knew that any funny business with the law would bring a withdrawal of his appointment to West Point.</p>
<p>I’m sad we’re losing him so early - but not entirely sad that I don’t have to worry about him all summer.</p>
<p>God bless, BigGreen. I will be interested to hear of your son’s experiences as a cadet, and hope you’ll share them. Totally off-the-wall question: Did any of you cadet parents ever read the “Dick Prescott” series of books? Published around WWI, I think it was kind of like the Hardy Boys, except it was all about life at West Point. I loved reading them as a girl.</p>
I try to keep everything very pragmatic. In these cases I say things like, “This is just parking. If you wanna drive you can park how you like. If you want to have a discussion about my character let’s go sit down and have some tea.”</p>
<p>Quote:
Unpleasantness continues … Today son and I were in a very congested parking area.
Mom “There are no spaces left at all.”
Son “Pull in there.” He is pointing to a corner that is not really a spot and that I could maybe squeeze into but never get out of.
Mom “I’m not going to park there.”
Son (says in a hateful know-it-all tone) "You want everything so safe. You should have parked there.
Mom (voice rising) “I don’t deserve that from you.”</p>
<p>Other possible Mom responses:
Humor/mock threat
Mom (stopping car and making serious eye contact): “You wanta piece of me?”</p>
<p>2) Humor/deflection
Mom: “If only we had brought the Mini Cooper.”</p>
<p>3) Annoying repetition with layer of sarcasm (fully caffeinated experts only, prepare to engage)
Mom (while passing by space and continuing to drive around): “I want everything so safe. I should have parked there.”
This can be repeated several times with different inflections and accents for instance British, surfer, etc. For extra credit, repeat his annoying comment in song. Double extra credit for rap or do wop interpretation). </p>
<p>4) Challenge/bluff
Mom (extending keys to son): “I don’t want to risk it. Here, you try.”</p>
<p>emeraldkity - As the lead character on “Life of Reilly” used to say “what a revolting development this is!” Honestly, the Project Grad night, which we also have here, has such a long tradition now and should be so well understood by parents and students that your girls’ behavior and that of their parents just make my blood boil. Grrr. <em>of course, some people’s blood pressure may rise reading my run-on sentence :rolleyes:</em></p>
<p>ek4 - yes, S is at that all night party right now… I think… I hope… how do we know he actually got on the bus and isn’t out all night unsupervized? uhhh… I have a headache! :(</p>
<p>momfromtexas - maybe a solution is that you and I can trade children for the summer - I’ll even pay the bus fare - as my kids are always better behaved around stangers…</p>
<p>Emeraldkity, I understand what your school and others are trying to do, but I think in this country you cannot sign your rights away. With few exceptions (military) you can’t agree to be taken someplace and locked up without the freedom to leave if you change your mind. If I hire workers to come to my house and they sign a contract to finish the work before five…If they decide to leave before finishing the job, I can sue them but I can’t refuse to open the door or gate to let them out.</p>
<p>Mom from Texas, if my kids talked to me like that, I would ignore them and go about my business and when we got home I would tell them in a polite tone to keep their sneakers in good repair because they were going to be doing a lot of walking or apologizing before they got back in my car. </p>
<p>I don’t have alot of issues like this but when I did I found removing privileges quickly, without anger, and with the opportunity for them to be restored, worked well. In the past four years this has meant one weekend confined to home and one week without a cell phone…so far no bus damage or phones off the wall…and like most of you a tremendous amount of compliments on my children’s character and behavior.</p>
<p>I beleive the school would be legally and morally responsible if something happened to the students if they allowed them to leave.
Just as if you were a customer in a bar and went out and killed someone after drinking- who ever served you the drink would be responsible.
I know also that if as a parent I own a piece of property that underage minors then “party” at, I am responsible for their behavior even if I did not give them permission to use my property.
I wasn’t at the graduation party and I don’t know how far out in the boonies it was , but the girls knew the rules going in- that they would not be allowed to leave unless signed out by their parents- I doubt that you have workers sign the same contract- (although for some it would be nice if you could force them to stay on site until they finish the job instead of taking a trip to Cabo San Lucas in the middle of their work)</p>
<p>I totally love the grad night contract and program. My Ds school has it. No one is required to go, but if you do, for that one night, you agree to the rules. Simple. </p>
<p>It wasn’t that the girls couldn’t leave, it was that they could only leave if a responsible guardian (not just a regular old adult) picked them up. And moms didn’t want to. The girls knew that going in.</p>
<p>The reason for this rule, is that the parents have intrusted the school with their child. And, as with many teens, they will try and sneak off to party somewhere, while the parents think they are safe and sound. And from what emeraldkitty described, these girls were a real treat. </p>
<p>And yes, we sign our rights away all the time. They are called contracts. These kids signed an agreement. As did their parents. And there were rules, which everyone. If they didn’t want to go, they didn’t have to. And they were allowed to leave, but only with a parent. </p>
<p>But did the parents not want to get them or could not get them?</p>
<p>The reason is drinking and drugs. If you think you are going to get bored at a party but you sign an agreement to go anyway, step up and honor that agreement. So these wonderful girls didn’t get their way.</p>
<p>My D is going to Georgetown for JSA this summer. There are some very strict rules. No hanging out with other groups, must be in the dorm room at a certain time, must attend all meetings. She knows this going in. She is making an agreement she will abide the rules. </p>
<p>If an 18 year old wants to walk out a door, I would think they have a right regardless of any contract…but I am not a lawyer and am not familiar with Seattle laws but I am quite sure that in this country you cannot sign away your basic rights. I think the idea of having a deposit that is lost if you leave is legal but would wonder what a court would say.</p>
<p>I applaud the party concept and I agree that people should live up to their agreements, I would have pressed criminal charges against the students…but think an Attorney might have a very arguable counter suit. Any judges out there?</p>
<p>citygirlsmom - if your daughter decides to leave the dorm at a time in conflict with her contract, I would bet the college would let her leave and then enforce the penalty provisions of the contract. </p>
<p>If my 18 year old daughter wanted to walk out of the house at any point and I tried to keep her in…I am quite sure the police (if called) would tell me I have to let her go, I might not have to let her back in, but I don’t think anyone, even a parent, can keep an 18 year old contained against her will, contract or not.</p>
<p>Then they shouldn’t have gone. In the contract they are AGREEING to stay. In walking in the door, which they have done of their own FREE WILL, that act of walking in, in essence, they have agreed to forgo their right to leave anytime without a parent picking them up.</p>
<p>When you ride a roller coaster, you agree to sit in that chair the whole, time, no matter how old you are. </p>
<p>When those girls WALKED INTO THE EVENT, that was an agreement to abide by ALL OF THE RULES they signed up for. And, believe me, the rules are very clear. If they didn’t want to follow the rules, they didn’t have to go. And one of the big rules was that a parent needed to pick them up. For instance, if I go on cruise for dinner, I agree to stay on that boat the whole time. I can’t just have another boat come get me, or jump off. And I am a grownup. </p>
<p>The girls agreed agreed agreed to certain rules when they signed something. And the rule was that a parent need to get them. If that wasn’t acceptable at the time, don’t agree to it, don’t sign it, and then complain later. If they want to be treat like 18 year olds, then act like it. If they wanted to go to the party, they agreed to sign away certain freedoms to attend a particular event. The choice was made early to give up a certain right for a certain event. And then they changed their minds, and their parents didn’t WANT to get them. Ah well. Seems to be the real issue.</p>
<p>I am glad that we agree that people should pay for their food at resturants and that we should live up to our agreements. I also conceed that if we are on moving boats or buses trains or planes we might have to wait to leave. Furthermore, I am sure that we agree it is wrong to tear phones off the wall or to rip up buses. We might even agree that their colleges should be notified of this behavior. Our only area of conflict appears to be whether you can bind someone to one part of the contract under existing laws. The next time I see a lawyer or a judge I will ask their opinion. I suspect being 18 is key to what they will say.</p>
<p>My DS was awful that summer before his 1st year in college. So much anger - I had no idea where it came from. I talked and talked as patiently as possible to a seemingly brick wall. I remember sitting at freshman orientation that summer and the psychologist at the school was relating his experiences at the same age and he remembers his frazzled mother calling the college in July begging them to take him early :)</p>
<p>I hate to say it but the summer after freshman year wasn’t that big an improvement. However, this summer (after sophomore year), he is like a dream come true - back to the son I knew and loved - they do wake up and mature into human beings - have patience - keep talking! Now instead of hearing "you told me that a million times " with that look of boredom and dislike on his face, I hear him speaking with a lot of insight and maturity.</p>
<p>Mr. B - I don’t know what contract law would say re the Project Grad situation. But I don’t think contract law is the right lens to be examining this situation through. </p>
<p>As a parent who has chaperoned Proj Grad (jr. parents do that here, so the seniors don’t have their own parents hanging around) and planned and fund-raised for Proj Grad (we sr. parents do that part), here is my perspective.</p>
<p>Project Graduation is a wonderful gift from the community and parents to their kids. It is a privilege. It has a special history and ethos of providing a substance-free, safe and secure celebration that one last time with their high school classmates. In our community, no one “signs” anything, but the understanding and rules are clear: you come to Project Graduation, you stay all night unless your own parents come to pick you up</p>
<p>Those girls in EK’s town may not be spoiled brats, but they acted like it that night. Their parents gave us a little insight, by their behavior, how this might have happened. </p>
<p>Some kids just have to push the envelope. They decide going in, or later in the evening, that they are too cool for the Project Grad event. Well, they shouldn’t have come in the first place or they should get over themselves.</p>