<p>Here’s an awkward one… I got “friended” by the ex-boyfriend of my very good friend. He broke up with her in a not-so-nice way (and was cheating on her), after she moved to his city and took a crappy job there (after she earned her MBA) to be with him. Anyway, this was a long time ago. I accepted his friendship request but didn’t tell her at first. I didn’t see that it would be helpful for her to know he’d contacted me. But I finally decided to tell her, some time later (mentioned it sorta in passing). Well, she then decided, after protesting that she didnt need a facebook account, to join facebook and wanted to friend me. I know she’d see him in my friends list. I haven’t asked if she friended him. I dont need to know.</p>
<p>I friended someone I knew in high school. We had one quasi-date which was a disaster. We were definitely frenemies, but he was an interesting guy and it sounded like what he’s into now is also interesting. </p>
<p>It ended up being a really upsetting experience. I am much less likely now to friend someone from my past.</p>
<p>A WARNING…i have a relative who connected on the internet (email) with an old h.s. classmate (had not dated him in h.s.).<br>
within a relatively short time, she left her husband to marry this guy. the marriage only lasted a little over a year. there was domestic violence involved. the guy turned out to be an alcoholic and an abuser. a real loser.</p>
<p>This thread certainly hits a still-raw nerve with me. I broke up with DS’s father 20 yrs ago and have never heard from him since; kind of messy breakup. We were never married, DS does not know him/has never had any contact with him (he apparently moved half-way across the country). The ex contacted me by email at work about 2 yrs ago (I still work at the same company and email addresses are on our site so a quick google would pull me up) with the intention of getting in contact with the son he had never bothered with before but suddenly claimed to have “thought about every day.” Since I didn’t actually hate the guy and had moved on with my life, and since DS was an adult, it would not have bothered me if they got to know each other. And since DS was coming home the following week for Thanksgiving, I planned to talk to him at that time and indicated this in my response to the ex. </p>
<p>However, the ex then went ahead and first revealed the existence of DS to his eldest S (also now a young adult who had not known that he had ) and recruited him to try to track down my S on Facebook and then passed on DS’s facebook info to his father who then contacted DS - all before DS even come home. Of course, DS was curious but also I think pretty indifferent (he has Asperger’s so I don’t think a sudden father in his life made much impact on him emotionally) and he friended both. After a few additional contacts from the ex over the holidays that year, there have been no other contacts between them - other than periodic comments posted by the ex on DS’s wall. Then when DS was dating a girl from school last yr, the ex “friended” her as well! </p>
<p>It’s really not a big deal and has not had any negative impact onDS, although I do wish he and other young people would not “friend” others so quickly, but still it seems so slimy at the same time…</p>
<p>Now I have Glory Days playing in my head… :)</p>
<p>Seeing folks with the children, their grandchildren, etc., probably helps change gears in how we remember them. I have reconnected with high school acquaintances, males and females, who were in completely different social circles back then, and with whom there have been some lovely chats and reminiscences on FB. It touches quite an emotional nerve when one of us relays a chance memory of the other’s parents, an affirmation, a jogging of the mind, a tugging of the heart…and it surely is good for us to stimulate those brain synapses with recollections.</p>
<p>I have absolutely NO interest in reconnecting with old boyfriends.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Me too. But at least its a good song.</p>
<p>S’s teacher has the same name as a guy I went to college with–with whom I once had an, um, “embarrassing experience.” (probably not what you’re thinking. . .) I was relieved to walk into the classroom on parents’ night and find out that S’s teacher is NOT the same “John Smith.” Whew.</p>
<p>What lorelei2702 said…</p>
<p>ummm…it depends on the old flame.
I was shocked to find an invite from a old boyfriend from my teens. Handsome guy…but weird…some of his strangest quirks only revealed after we broke up. He has never married. Has no kids. Weird lifestyle…but he’s also somewhat famous (written up in the national news and on shows…not THAT feels weird too…) Yikes, I want no part of him! Didn’t respond and blocked him. Yikes!</p>
<p>An old flame from college friended me. I accepted since he was a nice guy, and we’re in the same profession. A few days later he changed his status to delete “married”, and wouldn’t respond to my inquiries about the well being of his family.Weird. Now I’m not so sure why he friended me, especially since I’m single. So far he hasn’t proposed a “visit” but if he does, NO WAY. Good thing he’s in another country.</p>
<p>I met my H when I was 18 and have been going out more or less ever since ( we married four years later) so my flames are very long ago- although there was some crossover initially 
- and he has met all of them that mattered.</p>
<p>I really don’t have any desire to hear from any of them, although we do both have a current acquaintance who looks " a lot" like one of my old boyfriends, except about 10 years younger than he would be, so every time we see him ( he is a local musician), I am reminded.
( although I don’t think H is threatened at all- he even agreed that my old boyfriend was better looking- I would love to see them together and see if there is actually as much of a resemblance as we think)</p>
<p>I had a lot more boyfriends than H did ( you know what I mean), cause he went out with one girl for at least three years ( he broke up with her, two months before he met me & his parents still stay in touch with her over three decades later), and the most serious I had ever been was to move in with one boy when I was 17, which lasted for about 8 months.</p>
<p>When H had some sort of anxiety/depressive crisis a few years ago ( not just middle aged cliche’), he became fixated on this woman and was seeing signs of their past relationship everywhere.
He also got his parents to get him her updated contact information, which thrilled them to no end I am sure.
( they have never warmed to me- to the point where they hang up if I answer the phone)</p>
<p>It took a while for me to realize that it was a psychological thing and get him to a Dr., and while he eventually snapped out of it, it was still very painful for both of us </p>
<p>I think romanticizing old relationships can be easier than examining reality, it is pretty easy to be appealing when they haven’t seen you with the flu ( to paraphrase the Flight of the Conchords), brushing your teeth in your soccer t-shirt with curry stains. </p>
<p>But I did run into a * really* old boyfriend, a decade or so ago ( he was from junior high), which unsettled me to no end.
It was during an informal get together for people from my high school at a local tavern to play pool and pinball.
( H & I had been separated at the time which lasted over a year)
I just wanted to be around people- that didn’t mean I wanted to hook-up!
I had to leave earlier than I wanted cause this guy couldn’t believe that I wasn’t still interested in him.
Hey- I was thirteen!- my tastes changed! ( but not as much as your hairline)</p>
<p>( however- at the same event- I was thrilled to be be chatted up by a man who had been three years ahead of me AND the star qtrback which was a big deal at my high school. I know he didn’t remember me from school, but I was pleased to find that he was sweet and thoughtful and was living a peaceful life)</p>
<p>While ( H & I ) live in the same general area where we grew up, neither of us are interested in attending any high school reunions, I mean if I wanted to stay in touch with people, I still would be.</p>
<p>Thanks to you all for reinforcing my reasons NEVER to join Facebook - some of us just do not want to be “found”</p>
<p>^^ That’s a baby/bathwater thing. There are privacy settings to address those concerns.</p>
<p>barrons seems to have figured out how to edit the typo out of the original header, but for a while it read “old fames”, which might make some of our earlier posts make more sense…(goes to bed humming old tune…)</p>
<p>Baby look at me And tell me what you see
You ain’t seen the best of me yet
Give me time I’ll make you forget the rest
I got more in me And you can set it free
I can catch the moon in my hands
Don’t you know who I am
Remember my name
Fame </p>
<p>I’m gonna live forever
I’m gonna learn how to fly
High</p>
<p>I’ve been in FB contact with a lot of h.s. friends, including 2 guys I used to date. Neither of them was long-term, deep/meaningful relationships, and both of them were in my larger circle of friends. I have moved out of state and don’t live near either of them. One of them is married, the other is single. In neither case have we had extensive contact, more of a “Wow, great to hear from you after all these years, love your family photos, you haven’t aged as much as I have…” Pretty much the same conversations I’ve had with old friends I didn’t date. </p>
<p>I can see where it might be a problem in some cases, but I’m happily married and DH doesn’t seem concerned. It might be a different issue if I was doing a lot of conversing with my former college bf who I dated seriously for almost a year, but I haven’t run into him in cyberspace yet (and I think he’s married and lives halfway across the country anyway).</p>
<p>It’s all SO long ago, I can’t imagine it being an issue. IF DH had a FB and his old gfs contacted him, I wouldn’t be concerned with him having the level of contact that I’ve had with old bfs on FB.</p>
<p>Here’s a quick story about my 92 yo mother that fits here. She used to date a guy back when she was 18 years old (1935), but stopped dating 'cuz he thought she was too young; he’s five years older. She says she wasn’t interested in anything long term 'cuz he’s an agostic/she’s Catholic. Jump 40 years later. She’s teaching in NY and is on a trip with her students to tour Hearst castle in CA. They stop in Carmel to do some shopping. And mom and her old beau meet. My dad had died a few years earlier. Mom and this guy then carry a longterm bi-coastal relationship for six years, and by now have been married for 27 years. He was like a lovesick puppy and always thought of my mom as an 18 year old. He died last year at age 96.</p>
<p>Somewhat on point…</p>
<p>Backstory: I’m a packrat. I save lots of stuff, much to TheMom’s distress. </p>
<p>As things go, I didn’t date all that much. Over the years, I remembered my first real girlfriend in college fondly. Including things like—heh, heh—her dad knocking on her bedroom door and asking if I could come down and help him diagnose the problem with his car and me having to fumble at getting somewhat dressed as I hopped down the stairs. Okay, so inside I’m still 14.</p>
<p>But about two moves ago, there was enough time and we were moving to tighter quarters with less storage and a lot of the accumulated stuff in the garage had to be reduced in volume significantly. So I’m spending a couple of weeks going through boxes one or two at a time and getting rid of a <em>lot</em> of stuff. When I encounter a packet of letter from said gf. Reading them, it came flooding back just how <em>much</em> she drove me nuts and why. Glad for the time we had together but mutually-crazy-making isn’t a sign of a good relationship, no matter how good the side benefits. And, of course, I tucked the letters back into a “save” box that’s been residing in our current garage for seven years.</p>
<p>That’s a sweet story, limabeans. And to be reunited in Carmel–how romantic!</p>
<p>My mom has been in her second marriage for 22 years to her high-school sweetheart who came back looking for her after about 35 years. They both divorced their spouses and then married. He is a POOP. His own kids won’t speak to him. Now they are both 80 and not in good health and my siblings and I do not want to be saddled with caring for him. So there’s an old flame that we wish had gone out.</p>
<p>My BF from high school lives in the town where my D is now attending grad school in another state far away. I knew he was there, and I looked up his job and where he lives (scary how easy that was to find). I have not seen him since I was in college, though he was in contact with my mom for years through Christmas cards. </p>
<p>I did have a momentary fantasy of just walking into his office some day when I go to visit my D. Wouldn’t that be an amazing surprise? But no…some things are better left alone. My H would have a fit.</p>