<p>Agree about the epidural, which wasn’t yet fully in vogue when my first two were born, so I missed out. During the last delivery there were problems with the epidural so it only partially worked. But baby number 3 it worked perfectly, and that’s the labor where I felt most empowered. I recall feeling every sensation without pain and feeling so focused on what was happening and so, so bonded during and after the birth because I wasn’t distracted by pain, etc.</p>
<p>Re being in the hospital – when my fourth was born it was in the hey-day of “drive through deliveries” and they wanted to send me home less than 24 hours after giving birth. Even the nurse pleaded with the doctor – “Do something. This woman is going home to four kids. She needs more time.” Nope. I am glad that insurance companies came to their senses and allow a little more time now.</p>
<p>My sister went home after 24 hours with the second one. She ended up back in the hospital again because of fatigue and dehydration. Wonder how much the hospital saved. My doctor made up something to allow me to stay in the hospital for 4 or 5 days after my c section both times.</p>
<p>My doctor made up something to allow me to stay in the hospital for 4 or 5 days after my c section both times.</p>
<p>After my first had surgery( @ 36 hrs old & 990 gms ) I was moved to a private room ( since most of the rooms were for people on total bedrest & often mag drips). None of the rooms had their own bathroom, in fact the shared room I originally had also shared a bathroom with a dorm style room that had at least 4 moms -to-be in it !</p>
<p>The insurance wanted me to leave on Friday or Sat( she was born tuesday night), but I held my breath and didnt leave till after the weekend.
The hospital also moved a cot into my room so my husband could sleep there too, which was nice cause we lived in another city.</p>
<p>We all love to tell our childbirth stories, don’t we. It’s an absolute peak experience.</p>
<p>It’s amazing we could have a second (third, fourth) after the first. Most men probably wouldn’t, maybe we are just slow learners.</p>
<p>^^ Good thing we can’t r “remember” pain. We can remember beign in pain, but camn’t remember, as in relive, the pain. Otherwise, totally agree-- everyone would be only children!</p>
<p>When my 1st was born they served a sit down, candle lit steak dinner in a special room for the new moms (fairly provate- not many couples IIRC). THey figured we needed a little pampering and enjoym,ent of our final timeof peace and quiet! Too bad the rush rush hospital discharges seemed to have killed that steak dinner tradition before younger s was born. It was really nice</p>
<p>My hospital offered the steak dinner too. Both my doctor and H said skip it. H wanted to take me out for a real treat once S was settled in and I was feeling well enough to enjoy it after a couple weeks.
D thought steak wasn’t the best thing to “digest” after childbirth.
They were both right!</p>
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<p>Interesting difference in perspective. I couldn’t wait to get home after my C-sections. I found it absolutely impossible to get any rest in the hospital. When I wasn’t breast feeding the newborn (which seemed to be most of the time), I was constantly being interrrupted by people taking vital signs, emptying the trash, measuring intake/output. Always something. I remember crying in frustration once when I finally fell asleep for a nap and a volunteer of some sort barged in after knocking on the door but not waiting for a response. I think I was a little short with her.</p>
<p>3 days in the hospital after my C-sections was more than enough for my taste.</p>
<p>I agree that it is interesting to read different perspectives regarding childbirth experiences and hospital stays. When it comes to giving birth, one size does not fit all.</p>
<p>I chose the OB who attended my 1st child’s birth before I was even pregnant. I read an article about him in our local newspaper about a year before I conceived. He was the only local doctor at the time who would attend a homebirth. His philosophy was to let birth proceed as naturally as possible. I knew he was the right doctor for me. I seriously considered having a home birth, but when the doctor told my H that it was safer for a 1st time mom to deliver in the hospital, I agreed to forego the home delivery. Our finances also would have made a home birth difficult. The physician charge for a home delivery is higher than for a hospital delivery. Of course, there are no hospital charges, so the total cost is much less. Our insurance company would not pay anything beyond their standard for the doctor’s charges.</p>
<p>My 1st labor took only 3 and 1/4 hours. We still have the stub from the hospital parking garage that was stamped 30 minutes before our 1st D was born. D’s birth was all natural, which was pretty unusual 29 1/2 years ago. The only fear I had at the time was that I would get stuck with a resident who would not stick to my birth plan and would push drugs, monitors, episiotomies, and other stuff that was not necessary for me. When my H called the doctor’s office to tell them we were on the way to the hospital, he was told that the doctor was already there with another mom and they’d page him to let him know we were coming. The office called my H back about 15 minutes later to say that they couldn’t get hold of the doctor and that they assumed he was on his way home. By that time I had figured out that my labor was progressing much faster than the average and that I was already in transition. I told my H that we had to get to the hospital. I hoped that the doctor’s office was wrong and that he would still be at the hospital when we arrived. I knew that if he had gone home, there was no way he’d make it back to the hospital in time. Luck was with me; my doctor was still there. I actually delivered before the other mom.</p>
<p>When I was pregnant with D2 I very much wanted to have a home delivery. I had proven I was designed to give birth quickly and easily and I thought that planning to have the baby at home would actually be more sensible than trying to make a mad dash to the hospital. (It was predicted that my labor would be only around 2 hours the 2nd time around.) I had chosen a midwifery practice for my 2nd pregnancy. The OB who attended me the 1st time had a midwife who practiced with him. I saw her for many of my prenatal checkups and liked her a lot. By the time I was expecting for the 2nd time, she had opened her own practice. In the time between babies I had done much research on home delivery and had shared what I learned with my H. He was very supportive of the idea until I actually became pregnant. Once I was expecting it became apparent that he was not comfortable with ME having a home birth. Philosophically he was all for it when a woman met certain criteria. Emotionally though, he couldn’t handle the idea. So, my midwives and I agreed that I would have to adjust to the idea of doing a hospital delivery once again.</p>
<p>D2 arrived on a very snowy Valentine’s Day. We left for the hospital with D1 in tow as soon as I realized I was in labor. I remember big, fluffy snowflakes falling as we slowly made our way to the hospital. The drive normally would have taken around 35 minutes; it took us an hour in the snow. My best friend, who was to be D1’s “childbirth coach”, made it to the hospital before we did. D2 actually took a little more time than D1 - 4 hours vs 3 1/4 hours. (I think I held back my labor during the drive and while we were getting settled into the birthing suite. I recall being told about 45 minutes after arriving at the hospital that I had not progressed since the 1st check. Midwife and H went out into the hall for a few minutes to discuss who was going to tell me I had to get up and walk. When they came back they discovered I was near the end of 1st stage labor. While they were gone I told myself it was time to get on with it and get the baby born. I went from 6 1/2 cm. to 10 cm. in nothing flat.) D2 was born at about 6:00 P.M. D1 and H spent the night at the hospital with us. We went home 1st thing the next morning.</p>
<p>I was one of those moms who was very eager to get out of the hospital. I need to sleep in my own bed. I can’t really rest in the hospital. I also believe that my home was a much more sanitary place for my babies to be than the hospital. I stayed in the hospital less than 24 hours after both of my deliveries by choice. </p>
<p>However, I believe that moms who need to spend more time in the hospital should be allowed to do so and should have the costs reimbursed by their insurance companies. (I certainly don’t think that moms who have had C-sections should be rushed home!) Some moms do not have enough knowledge or experience to know if a complication has arisen. They need to stay in the hospital long enough to be sure that they and their infants are healthy. I always liked the idea of a nurse making a home visit to check up on moms and babies who are discharged early.</p>
<p>Dancersmom mentions about her best friend being her childbirth coach… My mom likes to recount the story of how my dad took a nap when she was in labor with me so he could “save up his strength for later”… I can’t imagine NOT having my husband as my childbirth coach, but from everyone’s stories, it sounds like there might be some reason I haven’t unearthed yet for having someone aside from the father be the childbirth coach.</p>
<p>Asking as someone who’s a year or two away from mommyhood, what say the mommies about the daddies’ roles in the childbirth process?</p>
<p>My rule of thumb is never go alone to a hospital. My son’s friend split open the back of his head at school and was sent (alone) to the ER. Nobody ever came in and checked him for concussion!</p>
<p>So that’s the role of the spouse - run interference with the hospital staff. During the birth of our first child my H wandered the halls at 4 or 5 am looking for the nurse, who hadn’t checked up on us for hours. Turned out I was fully dilated and ready to go…</p>
<p>I didn’t have any anesthesia for either child. Just as well after the second child was born, as I was the first to realize that I had more pain post-partum than I should. The nurses pooh-poohed it until they palpitated the uterus and a huge amount of blood came out. Several hours, 8 pints of saline solution, 2 units of blood, and an emergency D and C later, I was still alive. I wouldn’t have been, though, if I hadn’t been under a doctor’s care. Not having a medical professional at the birth (preferably one with a little training in trauma care) is like playing Russian Roulette for both mother and child.</p>
<p>My DH was behind me on the birthing bed with his arms wrapped around me supporting me. At one point his mother put her head around the door to see if he could come out and visit with her a little… (DS was born on DH’s graduation day - family came up to attend the master’s ceremony and DS was born instead…that was one graduation I was glad to miss). I grabbed him back and hissed, “You’re not going anywhere!”. We sent everyone off to get lunch, and DS was promptly born. Both deliveries, DH was behind me on the bed. Couldn’t have done it without him!!!</p>
<p>The other thing about fathers - childbirth is a peak experience for them too. I’ll never forget the look on my H’s face when the doctor handed him his new-born daughter.</p>
<p>My H was at both births and I know they were peak experiences for him (the birth part) but the labor part? He tried to be there for me and do all that breathing stuff the first time around but it just didn’t cut it for me. I was just too freaked out by the pain and refused to push even with both my H and doctor exhorting me. Then the senior nurse walked in, a woman. I remember her putting her face in mine and saying, “Do you want to see your baby? Do you want this to end? Then PUSH.” I pushed. But I made her stay and clung to her like she was my mama. I have a vague recollection of dr. and H hovering about somewhere in the background.</p>
<p>Aibarr,
Just to clarify, my friend was not my childbirth coach. She was there to take care of my older D, who was almost 6. We planned to have D1 see the birth of her little sister. My friend was at the hospital to keep D1 occupied while I was in labor and to be with her in any capacity she might need when D was brought into the birthing suite to witness the birth. As it turned out, my friend became the photographer for the birth. My favorite picture is the one of D1 standing at the foot of my bed with a huge smile on her face just as her sister was born.</p>
<p>I did not really have anyone coaching me during labor and delivery with either child. Because of glitches at the hospital during D1’s birth, H wasn’t directed to my room until I was ready to push. (We only arrived at the hospital 30 minutes before the baby was born.) I learned with D1 that I am the type of mom who needs to close her eyes and focus on what’s going on inside my body during labor. I was totally silent during contractions - I had no energy for noise-making :). I did not like to be talked to or touched. I recall during labor with D2 that my midwife had to tell my husband to stop rubbing my back during a contraction. I’d been whispering stop, but he didn’t hear me. I didn’t have the energy to speak aloud. My poor H felt like he missed out on almost all of my labor during D1’s birth and he wanted to feel useful the 2nd time around. He did finally understand that what I really needed was just his presence. </p>
<p>Coaching is just something that does not work for me. As my midwife put it after D2 was born, I just “go somewhere else” during a contraction. Having anyone talking to me during a contraction was distracting and annoying. The Lamaze techniques of using focal points and patterned breathing as distractions always seemed counterintuitive to me. I found that turning my focus inward and visualizing my body “opening”, so to speak, were very effective. I also reminded myself that the pain I experienced was not a “bad”, damaging sort of pain, but one that was allowing my child to come into the world. Basically, I allowed myself to work with the pain rather than try to distract myself from it.</p>
<p>Physician here- I won’t reveal my story details here. Saw enough doing residency neonatology, OB anesthesia et al to know too much to ever consider not having the best medical care available. Would not want to have to take care of the mess at home even if all went smoothly. I also don’t like the traditional decor in most OB suites they lure the to-be mothers with. When you’re in labor you really don’t care what the room looks like- you want the baby to be safe and sound and are too involved to pay attention to the silly decor details. Perhaps ignorance is bliss for those who choose to gamble with their child’s life.</p>
<p>As for the dad’s role–don’t expect too much and you won’t be disappointed!</p>
<p>H and I joke that a cardboard cutout of him in the labor room would have been more useful and less annoying than his real live self. However, H did end up delivering 3 of our kids as he was the only one in the room at the time (heavy assists on two other deliveries, too) so I’m grateful for that. Pretty much everything annoyed me during labor–especially noise, chit chat. When our 5th child was born, H found out that the anesthetist was from the same small town as his cousins–they went on and on talking about the place, people they knew. . .I was grinding my teeth–I wanted to say SHUT UP ALREADY and put in that epidural!</p>
<p>When I was in labor during my home birth (back labor, took all day), H told me to watch our two older kids because he had a headache (!?!) and wanted to take a nap.
I talked him out of that nap.
Once he asked me to drive myself to the hospital (an hour away).I was having an induced labor–he thought he’d work in the morning and join me later when things “got going.”
Fortunately his co-workers thought this was the stupidest idea they’d ever heard, and insisted he drive me. Another time he dropped me off and went home to attend to our other kids. It was sort of pathetic when the nurse came in the room and saw me sitting there alone. She asked me, “Isn’t anyone going to be with you today?” He did join me later. (I remember my mom telling me that dad would drop her off at the hospital door and say, “Call me when it’s over.”)</p>
<p>I think the 1st birth was really a peak for H. He cried–he was relieved and stunned and felt the weight of responsibility/adulthood at that moment. He hated seeing me in pain and was so happy when it was over and our son was healthy (S had a true knot in his cord and cord around his neck twice–he was sort of blue when he was born. I remember the doc holding up the cord to show us the knot–it was the first time she’d seen one.)</p>
<p>
Several posts on this thread have alluded to the notion of decor as being of particular importance to mothers who don’t want hospital births. How superficial, how silly - right? I had hospital births but don’t have a lot of good to say about them, not because of the decor - of course no one is thinking about the color scheme when they’re in transition - but because of the “you’re a cog in our machine” mentality that pretty much dictated every minute of what followed walking in the front door. (And if the hospitals themselves heavily pitch their beautifully decorated birthing suites to prospective parents, who’s being superficial?) </p>
<p>As I mentioned in my earlier post, we fell through the cracks twice and the hospital/staff was inattentive to high risk situations each time. Amen to the person above who recommended not going to a hospital alone under any circumstances. My dh experienced several complications when he was in for a kidney stone and I had to leave his side for 6 hours. And he’s an MD who kept trying to straighten things out! It may be foolish to risk a home birth, because no one can foresee the future, but it’s similarly foolish to enter a hospital thinking you’ve just cut your risks to a negligible level. Hospitals are vast bureaucracies - maybe for necessary reasons, but still weighed down in the way all bureaucracies are.</p>
<p>No disrespect intended to the hardworking professionals in the OB field. I wouldn’t have chosen a home birth for many reasons. I do believe, however, that women who choose home births are not necessarily silly, superficial, or gambling with their children’s lives (though some may be). And I certainly believe that hospitals, and some physicians, still have a long way to go in working with mothers who, after all, actually do perform this miracle. Of course any of us would willingly sacrifice a “good” birth in order to deliver a healthy child. But I think we need to remember that the fear of malpractice suits is very real and this, as much as medical necessity, dictates many routine hospital practices and interventions. </p>
<p>I’m trying to say that this is a complicated issue. The choice is not between foolish, risky home births and smart, safe hospital births. The article in the OP mentioned women who seek no prenatal care and have no medical professional in attendance, which is quite different from most home birth situations.</p>
<p>atomom–With my first I was in tiring and unproductive labor for 2 days, and DH went to work cause he figured there was nothing he could do for me anyway. Kind of sad but true. He needed to get caught up so he could actually be there when the baby was born and after.</p>
<p>I did get an epidural when they finally admitted me and labor got going. </p>
<p>With babies #3 & 4, things went better and I was able to be drug-free. I recall labor being painful but pushing was not–it was something I could finally do that was productive.</p>