Mother of Groom going Rogue!

Parent Cafe
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<p>When I was about 9 or so, my aunt had me in her wedding as “the girl who guards the guestbook.” I remember being embarrassed about having to dress up and wear a ridiculous hairdo and how I’d wished I could be like my brothers and just sit in the church and enjoy the event. Reading this, I wonder if my aunt thought I wanted to be in the wedding party (my toddler sister was the flower girl who cried and refused to do it when the actual time came) and was looking for the least intrusive way to include me. LOL. :D</p>

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<p>I think you need to assume good intentions and not create bad blood or make yourself look like a nutcase. :)</p>

<p>The only time they could insert her into the ceremony would be during the rehearsal. If it comes up then–and that’s a big if–your D and SIL can pleasantly but firmly say “We haven’t planned on having any children in the wedding party, and we’d prefer to keep it that way and not make last minute changes.” If there are other children, they could add, " and it wouldn’t be fair to the other children."</p>

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<p>Before I’d start off badly with the in-laws, I would like to know if they actually intend for this child to walk down the aisle. The OP wrote that her DD has other little girls she’d prefer to be flower maid. Well then, have them all walk together!! That would preclude this 6 y.o. getting all the intention. (See, a better way to deal with a presumed pass/agg MIL.</p>

<p>I had a client who flew with a friend to Columbia for her grandson’s wedding. She expected to be walked down the aisle to her seat. The bride said ‘no’. My client was so upset and sulked through the rest of the weekend. Including her or not in pictures became an issue. My client had spent a lot of money on travel and hotel, there were many bridesmaids, and she felt excluded. She was so hurt, I’m sure she caused problems for her son and grandson. </p>

<p>In sum, my client felt entitled to be formally walked to her seat. Right or wrong, her feelings and the major effort she made to be there could have been taken into consideration. In the OP’s case, we don’t know if this girl expects to be part of the ceremony. If so, then include the other little girls too, rather than risk hurting many people’s feelings. IMHO</p>

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<p>I am very impressed with the number of you who are thinking this couldn’t happen. That says to me that you all come from nice families who don’t do passive aggressive or even truly aggressive things at weddings or otherwise. You don’t have to full on Mama Lion, but you absolutely need a contingency plan. Your daughter should tell her fianc</p>

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<p>Oh, and if you want to see what little girls like that grow up to be, I have a thread called “should I go to this wedding” which will tell you.</p>

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<p>“The only time they could insert her into the ceremony would be during the rehearsal.”
No. This is something they could spring on the day very easily.</p>

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<p>Do you really think that his family would purposely insert this child into the wedding party without being invited to do so? If so, you have much larger problems than the color of the little girl’s dress.</p>

<p>With only your description to go by, it seems that maybe you are mistaken about their intentions? Just because the little girl is going to wear a dress with pink sash doesn’t necessarily mean that they plan on her being included in the wedding party.</p>

<p>I agree with others who have said to invite the little girl to play some other small roll in the festivities. I had two young cousins hand out favors at the reception. They should be pleased to be included. Since there are no other children in the wedding party, they have no reason to feel slighted.</p>

<p>By doing this, you will extend a loving gesture to the future MIL and SIL and the young girl. Isn’t that a better way to start a new life together than hostility?</p>

<p>If your daughter truly want to be a “princess” on her day, she should take a look at some of the Royal Wedding videos - they are surrounded by children.</p>

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<p>“I had a client who flew with a friend to Columbia for her grandson’s wedding. She expected to be walked down the aisle to her seat. The bride said ‘no’”</p>

<p>I think that is horrible that the bride didn’t let the grandmother walk down the aisle. Grandparents are honored guests, imo.</p>

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<p>I am not sure i understand why the bride’s preferences should be less valuable than anyone else’s.</p>

<p>Bookworm, what happened to your client is just ugly and there is no excusing that.</p>

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<p>I do think that the grandmother should have been able to walk down the aisle. That said, sulking for the rest of the weekend doesn’t impress me.</p>

<p>When my oldest brother was married, neither my sister nor I was asked to be in the wedding. A bit surprising as we were both obviously younger as well as single. My SIL has no sisters and had a fairly large wedding (maid of honor plus 6 bridesmaids). Neither my sister nor I sulked about it (we were a little disappointed , but did not express it). No one commented or asked us about it. That was the bride’s choice.</p>

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<p>I’m the oldest of five children and my brother is much younger than me with small children. When my son got married, they wanted their two youngest cousins (my brother’s children) to be ring bearer and flower girl. The many cousins are very close. The bride’s mother had a very good friend who had a small daughter and they asked if she could also do it. My darling new DIL to be said that anybody who wanted to be part of the wedding could do so and let her. I can’t imagine thinking that the day is just about the bride and that her fairy tale should come true exactly as she imagined it. So the ring bearer escorted two darling little girls and everything was fine. And no, the fact that the two flower girl’s dresses did not exactly match did NOT ruin the day.</p>

<p>Mythreesons: I totally agree with you. A real princess has no problem sharing her day with whatever small children are around. IMHO a wedding is a family affair, not a coctail party. Even if people are all dressed up and coctails are served.</p>

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<p>I got the impression that the client was the grandmother’s friend and SHE wanted to be walked down the aisle. If that was the case, I think she was out of line. If it WAS the grandmother who was not walked down, shame on the bride and groom.</p>

<p>Would like to add that I think Zoosermom and I were separated at birth because I can CLEARLY imagine how this child could suddenly appear in the aisle, like an “oopsies, there she goes! Didn’t intend for THAT to happen but isn’t she SOOOO precious?!”</p>

<p>I have lots of experience in the passive aggressive/manipulation category of human behavior.</p>

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<p>3bm, the thing that jumps out at me is that the kid is a monster. It would be one thing to have a nicely behaved kid, but to give a platform to the bad seed opens the door to major difficulties.</p>

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<p>You guys are simply awesome and I knew I’d get some good feedback… and some that guess as to the circumstances. </p>

<p>Some of the issue here has precedence, and after the shower (back at D’s apartment) I said to the groom that maybe we have his niece hand out the programs or otherwise make sure everyone saw them to take one. He was really pretty clear on his “no.” Apparently, this ability to indulge this kid transcends every occasion, and I have to agree that this is the bride AND groom’s day. </p>

<p>While I have to go and get ready for the next celebration of this weekend, i will tell one quick story… we had this game at the shower yesterday where we broke into teams and dressed one member up as the bride with toilet paper and other things given in a bag (duct tape, feathers, flowers, sparkly bracelets etc). And I will interject here to say my team won! :slight_smile: The trick is to use scotch tape to fit the dress to the bust, as an fyi. In any event… in the group with the niece, the MOG kinda insisted the little girl be the one dressed up and when we did the critique (ala Project Runway) and you had to describe your inspiration, she said they went with the flower girl theme because she’d be the perfect flower girl. She did in fact look fairly cute. My 31 year old niece was in that same group and said something like, aww too bad my D wasn’t having a flower girl and the MOB said something like, that might change. All these little pieces and more were put together while we were all having dinner when D got all teary.</p>

<p>My running into the Mother of the little girl in the bathroom was really and truly polite conversation and when I heard the dress was white, I didnt say a word. My D told me at dinner that the MOG had said Baby Jane was wearing a corsage because she was wearing the dress that the MOB had picked out for her. So it was the MOG who bought the little girls dress and she apparently bought it at a bridal salon. </p>

<p>But for those who say it is the groom’s responsibility, he definitely plans on it. He is a great guy and absolutely adores my daughter. This is absolutely THEIR wedding. He is a graphic designer and letter pressed all the invitations etc. In fact, when they were doing the wording, at first they were putting it as Mr and Mrs Bride AND Mr and Mrs Groom invite you… I asked D if the grooms parents were helping to pay for it, to which I knew the answer was No. So I suggested we say Mr. and Mrs Bride invite you when their D marries Groom, son of Mr and Mrs Groom. Well… apparently, the MOG said something like she’s not Mrs Groom and wanted their first names. When she was insistent, groom re-explained that her name need not be on it at all, and this was the compromise: take it or leave it. She wouldn’t let it go so the Groom removed their names entirely. </p>

<p>So for all those that say… it’s no big deal if she walks down the aisle, for both the bride and the groom, it’s the principle of the matter here. And while there are no other nieces and nephews, there are other children she would have chosen had she wanted children in the wedding. As it is, only her younger sister is a bridesmaid along with two friends. It is not a large wedding party. Her brother is not in it, nor is the groom’s sister. </p>

<p>But I think it’s equally rude to put D or the groom into a position to have to say anything OR dress Baby Jane in a way that would make the bride look self-centered for not including her because she so obviously looks the part. As I said, my D is the anthesis of self-centered, and attempting to make her look selfish on her wedding day, IMO, is somewhat mean spirited. Baby Jane (and her younger brother) will get plenty of attention as the youngest child even attending by about 6 years.</p>

<p>So for those that think this is some innocent mistake and not a maneuver, all I can say is that there was too much evidence to the contrary last night. And while the groom is saying something, I feel that I too need to say something about holding true to the vision of the bride and groom - who originally didn’t want ANY children under about 14 or so at the wedding. But I just think I need to say something… but will likely determine what that is following the groom’s conversation to see how that goes because the truth is, I didn’t care if there was a flower girl, offered that perhaps it would be nice to give her a role, but it is not what the bride and groom want, and especially not the indulged niece who honestly and truly has never heard the word, “No.”</p>

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IMO there is a simple answer: because traditionally the bride’s family pays. As the cost of weddings has skyrocketed and tradition still ditates the bride’s family shoulder most of the cost … it should be the bride’s day. If the couple are paying or if the families are shouldering the expenses equally than of course that’s a game changer.</p>

<p>Regarding why the little girl is wearing white w/ a pink sash is probably for the wedding pictures. Even if she isn’t allowed at the last minute to walk down the aisle, there will always be the pictures, which will make it seem like she was part of the wedding party. Clever but devious = MOG.</p>

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<p>Only the parents and grandparents are getting any kind of flowers or boutineirres. And my sister who bought my d’s wedding dress as her gift (she has no kids and her gift to all her nieces is their wedding dress, a promise made when they were young).</p>

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<p>EPTR, sorry for confusion. My client is the grandmother of groom. She went with a friend to ease the hassles of traveling, and to spend the spare time with. Her sulking is not one of her better traits. She handled 2 bouts of breast cancer better she did this hurt.</p>

<p>3BM, I like your tale too.</p>

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<p>And I look forward to being the MOG!! AND I will hope he married a bride whose parents are in favor of tradition. I will throw an awesome rehearsal dinner and only have to worry about what to wear as to not upstage the MOB… it will be my pleasure.</p>

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<p>Quote:
I think that is horrible that the bride didn’t let the grandmother walk down the aisle. Grandparents are honored guests, imo.
I got the impression that the client was the grandmother’s friend and SHE wanted to be walked down the aisle. If that was the case, I think she was out of line. If it WAS the grandmother who was not walked down, shame on the bride and groom.</p>

<p>"Would like to add that I think Zoosermom and I were separated at birth because I can CLEARLY imagine how this child could suddenly appear in the aisle, like an “oopsies, there she goes! Didn’t intend for THAT to happen but isn’t she SOOOO precious?!”</p>

<p>I have lots of experience in the passive aggressive/manipulation category of human behavior."</p>

<p>I think we must have been separated at birth. My family and my in-laws are famous for this stuff. Actually, not all my family. Just my sister. I could totally see the little girl strolling down the aisle and there would be nothing to be done at that point. Someone with a strong backbone should be assigned to mind her</p>

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<p>Can you make sure she is seated in the middle of the pew?</p>