<p>S1 got engaged earlier this month. We really like our FDIL, so that’s not the issue. It’s the wedding itself, and I don’t want to get myself in trouble with them by bringing up things that concern me. For one, we have a good relationship now and I don’t want to jeopardize it. The wedding isn’t likely to be for another 18 months, but they’re already starting to plan.</p>
<p>They’re trying to find a venue partway between where our family lives and where her family lives. They’ll likely be living across country by next fall, still 9 months before the wedding. I was happy to hear that S had nixed the idea of having the wedding in her mother’s backyard like 2 of her sisters did. We wouldn’t feel very comfortable doing that as we’ve never met them and I’m not sure when we will.</p>
<p>S and FDIL are adamant about paying for the whole wedding themselves. Her family doesn’t really have the financial resources, hence the at-home weddings. We’ve told S that we would be willing to help them financially (but not pay for the whole thing), but I doubt they’ll take us up on it. Given that, they obviously have all the say on how it goes.</p>
<p>They’re at our house for New Year’s and told us that they’ve already made up the guest list. But they’ve never asked us who we’d like to invite. Isn’t it customary for the bride’s family to come up with a list, the groom’s family to do the same, and the couple to do so, and then whittle it down to a reasonable number? We have close friends who we’ve told about the wedding, but who knows if they’re on the kids’ guest list. Is it appropriate to bring this up? Can we offer to give them money to pay for guests they weren’t including?</p>
<p>S also said he wants a buffet meal at the reception because he wants to eat as much as he wants. Does he think this is an all-you-can-eat restaurant? I can’t imagine caterers will take a head count and then provide you with as much food as you want. Not to mention that I don’t like buffets at weddings. I hate standing in line like I’m at a cafeteria. I wouldn’t tell him that he can’t have a buffet, but is it appropriate to suggest that they price out both buffets and sit-down meals, and ask questions of caterers about how the buffet works if that’s how they choose to go (I can’t imagine that there’d be as much food as S imagines)?</p>
<p>And then there’s the elephant in the room…we’re Jewish, she’s Christian. We have no idea what kind of ceremony they plan to have. Can we ask them what thy’re planning to do? Should we just ask our S about that and not potentially put FDIL on the spot?</p>
<p>I know we’re very early in the process and that the wedding is only one day. But I’m not sure how long I can bite my tongue. Help!</p>