I put 8 hanging baskets on my porch every spring, my gift (my idea) is H and the kids (whoever is available) go to the local garden center (where 4 of them used to work, still get the discount) and get flowers/plants for them, come back here and make them up in my wicker baskets. It’s not always ON Mother’s Day, one child will be out of town, another has a gig, one with probably go local to his future IL’s. I have to look at the calendar and make a date (I love when all 5 are here together with us, I don’t care what we eat).
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I told my kids that I’m busy Mother’s Day. They can be good daughter in laws and spend it with their in-laws. I’m working an AKC tracking event (dogs!). My kids are great and I don’t need a certain day to learn it. DH is working for me at the event so he is off the hook too.
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OK, well, let me be what seems like a contrarian voice over here.
I love Mother’s Day. We celebrated my mom on this day, and I expect to have some fuss made over me. A lot of us pushed these babies out after long labors and then made decisions and built lives in their best interest so one freakin’ day to say, “Hey, we see you. We appreciate what you have done and continue to do for us” isn’t that big of an ask. I’m not talking expensive presents or massive amounts of time and meals out – hell, I can’t remember the last time both my kids were here on Mother’s Day. I’m just talking about a little time out of their busy lives to call and be “together.” That 20 minutes one Sunday a year is good.
I think I’ve told the story before of my first Mother’s Day, which was less than a month after ds1 was born. I waited all day to see how dh would mark the occasion and got nothing. So about 9 p.m. I told him how upsetting that was to me and that maybe they didn’t mark the occasion with their mom, but I expect in years going forward that on this one day that my contributions to this family be noted. If y’all knew me and knew how anti-confrontational I was and still am to an extent you would know why this made such an impression on dh. Consequently, every year since then I got (and still get, even with the kids grown and gone) breakfast in bed. The guys try to time our FaceTime post-breakfast.
I don’t really care about presents. The most valuable things I can remember getting are the homemade cards ds2 made for me well into his teen years that were hilarious and on trend for the times (I’ve had cards with Kanye, Chris Brown 
and various sports stars over the years). But now that the kids live so far away I do love a call. I really just want to talk to them, and I love when we are all on the phone together. 
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When my daughter was at home, so up until she went off to college, she would set up breakfast on Mother’s day morning in our dinning room (typically just bagels). We don’t do breakfast in bed (no food in the bedroom in general).
I guess I am not alone in having had a narcissistic Mother who thought the day was only about her!
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I think the reason so many of us here don’t care for Mothers Day is that we have been disappointed by the lack of acknowledgement from our spouses and kids or our mother/ mother in law seemed to think it was only
“ their” day.
I made a point of always sending flowers to my mom and mother in law ( the latter who graciously thanked H for them), but didn’t get acknowledgment from my family. So it became more of a painful day for me.
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Oh, absolutely. I totally get it. I was devastated that first year, which is why I laid down the law with dh. It took a LOT for me to do that, but it illustrates how crushed I was and didn’t intend to feel that way every year for the rest of my life.
And I don’t want people to think dh is a jerk. He’s not. He just grew up in a family that didn’t do holidays. They didn’t do Santa presents or egg hunts, for intance, so I took on all that, but I couldn’t take on Mother’s Day.
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I’ve never cared a lot about things like Mother’s Day and neither did my parents so it’s all worked out for us. I’d be hurt if my kid didn’t text me I suppose but I don’t expect anything else. I usually buy my mom a plant but she wouldn’t notice/care if I forgot one year.
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I will receive one card, probably from my daughter, and hopefully it will arrive before the big day. My son will send me a very nice text message and if I am lucky, I will get a phone call from him. My daughter will be on vacation in Asia and my son is working abroad. My husband might get me a plant, but I will probably ask him not to because we have so many already.
It’s nice to be remembered on the day, but I don’t regard it as a big deal. I wouldn’t dream of going out to a restaurant and certainly do not expect any kind of gift.
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My cousin told me that one year, as a child, he made breakfast for his mother on Mother’s Day. He wanted to make eggs Benedict. So he scrambled some eggs and poured Benedictine liqueur on them. Yum! (Maybe hold the eggs!)
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It’s ok to want to be celebrated. And it’s ok to not want it or “need” it.
I will say though, in this day or social media (and back in the day, reliance on paper calendars) there is really little excuse for someone to not realize it’s Mother’s Day. And really, a text or picture the day of (send cards would require one to plan ahead of time!) takes so little time that it is a little pathetic for those with a mother to not manage to follow through.
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I think MD can be fraught for so many people. There may be a sweet spot when one is happily a mother (so not dealing with infertility, ) and one’s mother is still around AND you have a healthy relationship.
But so many people are dealing with wanting to be a mother and cannot, maybe unhappily married, maybe their mother is not someone they feel warmly about. Maybe their mom is entering into dementia, or declining in other ways. Maybe their mom lives far away, or their MIL demands attention on Mother’s Day.
My own mom made a very big deal about birthdays and Mother’s Day and for that reason, I find myself minimizing it because I always hated how that made me feel. If we decided to be at my MIL that day, she felt put out. And when I was a mom of little ones, I was still expected to fete her.
I don’t want my kids to feel that pressure. The last few years I have said that all I want is to do something with them one on one at some point during the month. Breakfast out, a shopping trip, cook dinner together. Time is what matters to me.
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My husband is a good person. He’s very helpful, is a great human
But even if I threw a fit, he still wouldn’t remember that I needed him to step up and plan a Mother’s Day or birthday for me.
Doesn’t mean I have a bad day but it’s not his thing. Sometimes it’s ok to temper your expectations because he’s not going to be that guy.
He will however go to the neighbors to help an elderly friend who fell in the bathroom get up and then drive an hour to a restaurant I really wanted to go to. He’s not going to make the reservations but he’s happy to do those things for me.
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Husband used to send flowers to his mother (and it seemed the florist always got something wrong) but nothing for me because “I wasn’t his mother.” He had son get me flowers when he was old enough to understand.
I don’t remember what if anything we did for my mother beyond cards when I was young, but in later years we took her out for nice brunches or made them for her and got her flowers. She was extremely appreciative. As it happened, the last time I saw each of my parents was on a Mother’s Day (different years).
I enjoy a nice brunch out but they’ve gotten so expensive it’s hard to justify. Sometimes son has come down to visit and we do something special but not the $125 brunches.
This year I’m flying up to Seattle to visit son for a long weekend. Thursday I’ll help him apartment hunt for a new place (rent increase is finally his incentive to move closer to work) then out to Pink Door for dinner. Friday we’re doing a day trip to Whidbey Island where I expect great views and charming towns to explore. Saturday we’re going early to Pike Place for breakfast and then the Flower Festival and walk around the revised waterfront. I will choose a bouquet from the thousands available. Saturday night we’re going to dinner at a French restaurant in Fremont so I can get foie gras. Sunday morning we’re joining the madhouse at Portage Bay Cafe to use a gift card my brother once gave him. Sunday night son will drop me at an airport hotel (using points) and I’ll fly home Monday.
In between we’ll just relax at his apartment. I expect to end up paying for almost everything but that’s fine; it’s just his inheritance I’m spending anyway.
Husband will be happy staying home, watching sports, gardening, and playing loud music.
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I’ve invited my mom over for a BBQ on Sunday. I’m only “mother” to one person who might call or text because he’s married now to someone who will probably remind him. I would think it odd if DH celebrated me; I’m not his mother. I don’t celebrate him on Father’s Day; he’s not my dad.
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Our moms are both gone, so any celebration is for me. My older daughter is in healthcare and works Sunday-Thursday, so I think we’ll be having lunch the day before.
My mom felt that MD was for her, even after we all had children. My SIL would fix a brunch for her and H’s mom, but H was never, and I mean never, invited. It annoyed me to no end.
One year, the girls wanted to fix dinner (fine), but wanted to fix something their dad (picky eater) would like. Yeah, that was a no-go. He could fix his own #### dinner. They now fix something that I like, and leave him to his own devices.
Once the girls were old enough to figure out things on their own, H wasn’t really involved in gifts or whatever. I took the position that he wasn’t my dad, so FD was all on them as well.
FD has always been tougher because my dad died when I was a teen, and I just didn’t have enough time with him.
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Would be interesting to weigh how Mother’s Day AND Fathers Day is celebrated-or not in homes where both a mother and father are present.
Do both forgo or both get indulged?
I always hosted Mother’s Day for my family (parents, grandparents, siblings/spouses, MIL/FIL, BIL/SIL, kids/next generation). To me, it was about the generations ahead of me - my mom, grandmother, MIL. All lovely women. As I think about it now, to them, it was probably about us daughters and granddaughters. 
But in reality, it was just a reason to get the family together. It was not about gifts, but just a nice afternoon together. (Maybe grab a little something that we saw why out and about or nice hanging flower baskets.)
We used to joke that my mother celebrated everything, but I realize now that is a big reason why our family is so close.
Last year was our first Mothers’ Day without mom. We didn’t get together - I think none of my siblings and I felt up for it. Then I worried that my dad might have thought we had all just “moved on” by not acknowledging mom. So I called him the next day, but I started to cry when trying to explain to him and he started to cry.
I am not thinking about Mother’s Day because my mom isn’t here any more. But maybe I will plan something with the DC who is local. Or do something for my niece and niece-in-law who have both had babies in the last year and a half.
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The Father’s Day celebrations always were much like mine on Mother’s Day … breakfast in bed, presents with the kids and then the person gets to do whatever they want for the rest of the day. Now, it’s breakfast in bed and opening presents while on FT with the kids. And we do whatever we want the rest of the day, which is how every day goes around here!
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We celebrate both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day (and honestly, every birthday) in our family. This year is a little different because DD will be traveling on Mother’s Day, so I moved our celebration to this weekend. The kids and their SOs will be here, and they’ll order my favorite meal. DH usually brings flowers, and the kids pick out a gift.
This is the second Mother’s Day without my mom. She would usually be here with us, and I’d get her an orchid. I’m missing her a lot this year—maybe even more than last year.
On a brighter note, my toddler granddaughter and I are going to make a card for her mom. She loves finger painting and gets such a kick out of our little projects together.
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Mother’s Day and Father’s Day pass unnoticed at our house. My own mother thought Mother’s Day was the stupidest thing ever and of course that shaped my thinking. My husband’s family celebrated nothing, including birthdays and Christmas so Mother’s day is not something he would even be aware of. (It’s ironic that he spent much of his career at a major greeting card company.) To be clear, I don’t care. I have plenty of interaction with both kids; they don’t need to contact me on a specific day.
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