Mother’s Day - the good, the bad, and the ugly

Parent Cafe
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This is one aspect of Mother’s Day that kind of bugs me. Actually, for birthdays, too. I don’t want to plan my own celebration! I plan enough family stuff as it is! It’s fine to ask, “Is there anything in particular you’d like to do/place you’d like to eat/gift that you want?” But, if the answer is, “No,” then plan something for me. That should be part of the fun of a holiday. Any holiday. That someone has been thoughtful about whatever they choose to do based on their knowledge of you. Good grief! My dh and I have been married for 37 years. Don’t you know me at all???

Dh is also of the ilk that, “You aren’t my mother.” He did help facilitate celebrating Mother’s Day, etc for ds when he was little, and that was appreciated by me. Of course, I planned and executed every aspect of the week-early brunch last Sunday. For his mother. I’m sure if he’d been left to his own devices, he might have bought her a card. If and when ds ever gets married, I hope to impress upon him that his wife is NOT responsible for the emotional labor of his family of origin. The cycle of women doing all the emotional lifting needs to be broken.

Ds gifted me a coffee mug with a guitar on it (I play). I didn’t need another coffee cup, but I appreciated the fact that he thought of me when he saw it and recognized that it is relevant to me and that I would like it (I do!).

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102

@showmom858 - I am so sorry.

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103

I already received my MO day gift. When the kids were visiting, they let my sister and I babysit the little one. (since GS was so happy with this, the kids felt free to go out by themselves a few times). Anyway, they enjoyed one restaurant so much, they bought me a gift certificate to eat there. I already asked my cousin to join me there, but not on Mother’s Day.

My DIL says giftgiving is my language of love. I truly have so much fun picking out gifts for her. ONe gift is probably going to be more enjoyed by my son who is a coffee aficionado. This is a Nespresso candle from Hotel Lobby.

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104

I am the opposite. PLEASE don’t plan the day for me. If anything, I want to make the choices! I am really the same for most gifts - I think it can be a safety mechanism mentally for me - if I pick myself I don’t have to be disappointed. :frowning:

I saw something yesterday that was a :light_bulb: for me. For mother’s with kids still in school. May is now often called “Maycember” - the month from hell in terms of activities sort of like December - end of school projects, field trips, sports, playoffs, gifts for teachers, all the things! The mom I saw said that Mother’s Day and Father’s Day need to switch months. What fun is Mother’s Day smack in the middle of this month of school and activity chaos?! With (often) moms carrying most of the mental load for all the above things.

But when is Father’s Day? Calm June. School has just finished. Lull of many sports and activities. Weather is great. And the dad’s can just sit back and enjoy their day! :wink:

Not saying I agree with that fully but it was sort of a great point!

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105

This is regional! Many school systems in the Northeast go until the third week of June, and trust me, June is AWFUL. Field days (need parent volunteers) teacher appreciation luncheon (need parent volunteers) your kid’s Little League team gets into the semi-finals and the dads are driving 100 miles on a Sunday to get them there and back, music recital, the town’s “all school performance” where your kid is a tiny blurb in the back row singing a medley from Frozen, etc.

So I don’t think Father’s Day is any less crazy than Mother’s Day, scheduling wise! By HS one kid had a debate championship, another a softball game, neighborhood organizer wanted a “street fair” type deal all on the same day and by the end of Father’s Day my hubby just wanted to eat popcorn and watch reruns!!!

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Well, I guess it depends where you live. :slight_smile:

In fact the person who spoke about it lives on the east coast.

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@abasket That’s why I said MD on Sunday was also horrible for me! That’s the day (working mom) had to clean the whole house, buy groceries, do laundry, and set everything up for the upcoming week, so that life ran smoothly. Activities usually ate up Saturdays - and sometimes Sundays too… Don’t say happy MD while I’m scrubbing the 3rd toilet, please… So, Saturday was our day.

Now that the kids are grown, I don’t even remember when it is. I thought it was next Sunday until I saw more activity on this thread. But we should be going hiking tomorrow - a waterfall hike located 2 hours away. Probably a smidge longer than H would prefer, but he’ll suck it up for tomorrow. Dinner at a German restaurant another 30 min past day. We went a couple of months ago and he loved it. He said he’s “making me a (Duncan Hines) cake for me to MD.” Truth is, he wanted chocolate cake. Ha! I don’t mind.

He did also buy me a children’s book last week. He was going to hold off giving it to me, but it was too awesome. It’s Dr. Suess “There’s a Map on my Lap!” It’s all about map-making! It’s just too awesome for me. I wish we had it when the kids were growing up. It’s so cute and informative! We sent a pic to younger S (who uses GIS as part of his job) and he loved it too. We stopped short saying “we’ll buy you your own copy when you have kids!”

And my Bday’s timing - in Sept - also sucked. It was still blasted hot and humid… The kids were just getting back into school, so all the activities were gearing up. Fall was always the hardest season too. Nobody was in a groove. And since the kids were in school, somebody was ALWAYS ALWAYS sick… I said I needed to change my birthday. Maybe celebrate my half bday instead. March would be a much better time!

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108

I have finally managed to get my mother and sister agreed on a Mother’s Day plan for us. We want to celebrate my mom (and yet also not overwork ourselves). Our first plan was brunch at my sister’s club. Then mom said that was too expensive (it was our treat). She didn’t want us to pay that. Ok, but at this point, it’s too late to make other brunch reservations and my sister didn’t want to do dinner, as her goal for the day was just to be at home relaxing in the afternoon and evening.

So then it pivoted to - can we do takeout brunch or lunch somewhere. And everything that got suggested was shot down for one reason or other. To the point where I volunteered to just pick everything up and cook brunch for all of us. Which is where we were going until I came up with one last suggestion for takeout for lunch, which I think is going to work. Woo Hoo.

In terms of gifts, I told my boys (22 years old and 19 yo) that I didn’t want any one thing, but for my Mother’s Day / Birthday gift I wanted them to each make me a spotify playlist of music they thought I’d like, and to suggest one podcast. I’m trying to get more into walking this spring/summer, but I haven’t curated my own music since the days of CDs in my giant CD album. I usually listen to the radio. This will definitely take more time than ordering something on Amazon or picking up flowers, but I’m hoping they do it.

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109

Our schools (PNW) would go until the end of the third week of June, too, but somehow all of these end of the year activities would happen mid- to end of May. So Maycember it was for us! June was a relaxing month compared to May(hem). Dads got it much easier than moms in my neck of the woods!

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Yes, the month of Mayhem is how we describe it, even at the university level (so many guest lectures, various ceremonies, etc.). And the quarter doesn’t end until mid-June!

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111

My mother visited us in May once. Emphasis on once. There were so many performances, shows, and competitions! At least one thing every day, sometimes two. And my kids didn’t play sports.

For me on mother’s day it’ll be a call from the far away kid, a visit or call from the local kid. I’ll call my mother who’s half a continent away. Maybe I’ll call her today since on Sunday she’ll likely be with my brother who lives near her.

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I’d like to try that! Have someone else plan and then I could decide if I liked that or not. :wink:

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Nope. I’d feel bad turning down all the suggestions. Planning is what I enjoy. I get no pleasure from someone else making plans. Even if I could reject.

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Growing up, my poor mother had to take me to my violin recital on Mother’s Day. I don’t know why it was always on that Sunday, but it was. My father would never go to something like that, plus it was the NHL playoffs so we always had a houseful of people over to watch it since you needed to have cable to see the games and we had cable (one of the only families to have it in the olden days).

Mother always preferred the gifts (on sale) for father’s day like a lawn mower or a tool set so sometimes she’d wait. She liked flowers, so would be fine with a rose bush rather than roses for Mother’s day. For us the mother’s/father’s days were more about the grandparents than the parents.

My own kids don’t do much since they are long out of the elementary school days of cards and bead bracelets. Haven’t heard any plans for this year so there probably aren’t any. Tomorrow I’m going to the NAMI walk and I always invite my ‘lives local’ daughter and she always says she’ll come and then cancels. This year she’s training for a 1/2 marathon so I know it will be a ‘no’ as she’ll need to run.

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Interesting the different feelings. I am in the camp of I would enjoy two days a year where I’m not the planner and decision maker. My birthday and Mother’s Day is on them to plan. I am not demanding and appreciate a heartfelt note.
My son-in-law dropped off flowers and a card yesterday from him and my grandkids. It was very thoughtful and much appreciated.
I acknowledged my daughter on her first Mother’s Day as a mother with a gift. I now just wish her a happy day and a short note. When my son and daughter in law had their baby they were in the NICU on her first Mother’s Day. I wanted to acknowledge but not overwhelm them. I left a heartfelt card and small gift on their porch.
This Sunday I hope to see two of my three plus some grandchildren at my FIL’s birthday lunch.

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Two of my kids live close, but not close enough for weekly or even monthly visits. Getting together on holidays is important to me - even holidays like Mothers’ Day. What I want is just to spend time together, not gifts. It is important to me that my kids remember and celebrate in some way, even if we aren’t together. We are going to see my kids this weekend, one tomorrow with his GF and then another location on Sunday.

My sister and one of my nephew’s have birthdays around MD so we usually had a combined celebration once nephew came along. It was low key but nice to be together and my mom loved it!

Happy Mother’s Day to those that celebrate!!

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I decided to treat myself to a new Kindle (to replace my very very old one) for Mother’s Day. (Nobody took the hint during Christmas shopping season.)

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118

This is my favorite Mother’s Day thing, a poem by Billy Collins:

The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

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119

You just made me cry. I still have a finger knitted “scarf” that my son made for me when he was 5 and presented to me with such ceremony and pride many Mother’s Days ago.

Yep, I know how much I am loved. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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120

So agree with this. I told my D to remember that she will inherit all the gifts she gives me. So yo choose carefully :slight_smile:

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