Mother's Day = Nothing

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Anybody else??</p>

<p>First let me say that I know I am blessed. I have two wonderful children and a husband who I think loves me but isn’t the most thoughtful guy.</p>

<p>Anyway, for Mother’s day there was much discussion about what we should do for my mother and MIL. We ended up with a plan that pleased everyone. We took lunch to my inlaws and spent most of the day visiting and doing a few things around the house for them. We are celebrating with my mother another day as she had plans with a friend.</p>

<p>We were home in time for dinner and ate leftovers from lunch. Usually I get a card or something - nothing huge or expensive, but at least thoughtful. This year nothing. I asked about it in a “Hey, where’s my card” way and they all just laughed. I made light of it, but I’m hurt. </p>

<p>Like I said I know that I am blessed and it is a Hallmark Holiday, but seriously, a little effort.</p>

2

<p>That happened to me two years ago. Everybody was busy and they just weren’t thinking. I felt hurt too, even though I know they all love and appreciate me.<br>
A few days after the holiday, I simply told them I was feeling a little hurt. Then I said something like, “how about next year you guys get me a card and some flowers and make a special dinner?” And they have done that and more both years since. Sometimes, with men especially, you have to just knock them over the head with the obvious stuff.</p>

3

<p>Understand how you feel, OP. I had a slightly toned down version of this. DH did not get me a card, and since I’d bought roses at Costco last Friday, he didn’t buy flowers either. He usually gets a card, but this year he made a silly comment like “you are not my mother”. We had plans to go out for dinner with older s and his gf (which we did and it was lovely), but by noon I had not heard from either son :frowning: </p>

<p>I called younger s to ask him a question (finalizing his celebratory plans before coming home from school – today is his 21st bday so I get that he may be a bit preoccupied). He didnt answer, but he did apparently call the house shortly thereafter, and then called me on the cell (I was out and about by then). Older s apparently posted soemthing to me on twitter, and brought a fresh loaf of apple bread and a card. Younger s then posted a mothers day greeting on fb. So it worked out ok, but I was a little disappointed at first. That said, last year older s lived out of town and surprised me for mothers day. So maybe this was anticlimactic in comparison. It turned out ok. I hope yours did too. Guys dont think like us.</p>

4

<p>JYM626 -</p>

<p>At least you can hope they marry someone like me who buys a card that really LOOKS like something they would buy and fools you. I buy a card each year for my MIL from us and/or me and then something stupid and silly on behalf of my spouse. She really thinks he buys it. I have her up for the Kentucky Derby (she is a big fan) and provide a meal. This year I cheated and just had take-out from Thai, but she loves Thai so it was all good.</p>

5

<p>I have always thought that Father’s Day should be scheduled about a month before Mother’s Day on the calendar instead of the other way around. It would be a “prompt” – because I think moms are generally much better about helping their kids/reminding them to be ready for a celebration on Father’s Day. And it would be fresh in everyone’s mind. I always make sure they have a gift for my ex-H, and that they call him if they are not with him on that day.</p>

<p>My family is, honestly, terrible about Mother’s Day, and it does hurt my feelings. I have taken to reminding them a couple of weeks ahead of time and dropping some hints. It usually works… the older one did remember to call me yesterday, and it only took a reminder email to the younger to get her to call. She claimed she was going to anyway, but it was late afternoon by then. I know (from a past MD when I let the entire day go past before I said anything) that I would rather remind her than feel hurt that she didn’t do it at all. I do feel like my kids love and appreciate me, but it would be nice if they actually showed it a little more on that day :(</p>

6

<p>I really hate Mothers Day. I have learned to expect absolutely nothing, so if nothing happens, I’m not disappointed. H has always had the “You’re not my mother” attitude. So it’s up to the kids to do whatever.</p>

7

<p>Glad I’m not the only one! First, I remind husband early last week that it’s Mother’s Day this Sunday and he makes 5PM reservations at a nice restaurant, we should have his mother come up and stay overnight until Monday. This is not going to happen, I have no time for his mother to stay until Monday but rather than argue with him I call the car service and arrange for them to transport his mom round trip on Sunday.</p>

<p>Younger daughter (older is at college) always makes a huge wonderful brunch but this year she decides Grandma should come for it also. Okay, not a terrible idea, so I rearrange the car service but before I have a chance to call my MIL to give her the plans she calls me - 8:45AM Friday wanting to know what we’re doing with her for Mothers Day. Seriously? You’re calling me, not your son? Did you think we weren’t going to do anything? Did you have other offers that needed confirmation Friday morning? I tell her I need to confirm everything with everyone, I’ll call her later, which I do. It just angers me that she won’t call her son at work or even email him regardless of how many times I tell her it’s okay. </p>

<p>Mother’s Day hasn’t even come yet and I’m in a foul mood! Daughter is adorable in her typical “don’t come in the kitchen until I call you” way. She leaves a tray with coffee and a little snack in case I get hungry before brunch is ready. MIL comes, husband is upset because we’re talking during his news shows. MIL tells me how upset she is that a friend of hers (late 80s) is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers and how awful that is. Thanks - you know my mom had it for 12 years and never really got to know my kids and that, given that it’s Mothers Day, maybe I’m missing her more than usual. Nice sensitivity. Everything is okay, older daughter finally calls after being reminded on Facebook by a friend and younger daughter to call, okay, whatever.</p>

<p>Ask someone to walk dogs, no answer, I ask again with more attitude and remind them that it’s Mothers Day. Husband - you’re not my mother. Well, given what you’ve done today for your mother, what difference does it make? Husband begrudgingly walks dogs.</p>

<p>Here’s the best part - NOBODY CLEANS UP FROM BRUNCH!!! Dishes and pots and pans are stacked in sink, on stove, counters, table, etc. Older daughter usually cleans after younger daughter cooks/bakes, but older daughter isn’t home. Last year husband cleaned up, this year, nada. I spend one hour last night and 2 hours this morning cleaning from my Mothers Day celebration. So glad MIL didn’t stay overnight.</p>

<p>Just wait until Fathers Day!</p>

8

<p>But if your house is like ours… you will show 'em how it should be done on Father’s Day (eat out :D). But 11 months later they will have forgotten, and the cycle will repeat.</p>

9

<p>It started out good until S lost the only keys to the car which will now need to be towed to the car dealership to get new ones made. We spent the evening and night looking for keys and yelling at each other :(</p>

10

<p>The same thing happened to me on my first Mother’s Day – one month after giving birth to our first ds. In my family, we made a big deal of it, but dh’s family didn’t. I waited all day and nothing. At the end of the night, I told dh how hurt I was and that I understand if his family doesn’t celebrate but that I expect a BIG DEAL be made every year from then on. And it has. :slight_smile: I hated having to tell him what I figure he should already know, but sometimes you have to. Better than suffering in silence year after year.</p>

11

<p>Wow, many stories since I posted. The deal is the kids’ father sets the tone for how the kids treat their mom (the moms do, too). I wouldn’t let my dh be a poor example for my boys. I have no doubt that when they are married and have kids, they will KNOW to treat their wives with love and respect on that day. In fact, I’ll remind them to treat her like the mother of their children, someone who should be honored, this day and every day. My mom called me this morning and told me ds1, who is in college, called her yesterday. I consider him a success!</p>

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<p>Kudos to your DH, YDS… for listening to you and following up in subsequent years.</p>

13

<p>RULE FOR THIS THREAD</p>

<p>If you had a great Mother’s Day we don’t want to hear about it.</p>

<p>Just sayin’ :)</p>

14

<p>Well, my gang – actually my DH – usually come through with something but it seems to stress them so much that i kind of wish they’d just let the day pass with a simple, “Happy Mother’s Day, Darling!”</p>

<p>I really don’t care for this or Father’s Day. Sure, Moms and Dads are profoundly important but do we really need a special day to acknowledge that? And gifts and cards and STUFF that most of us really don’t need? </p>

<p>When it get’s totally overlooked it does hurt. I have experienced that. But I have found that no matter what the agenda I just grit my teeth and get thru the day.</p>

15

<p>I can ditto “all of the above” and I also felt hurt. I realize that I was the one who set up my own expectations, but still…</p>

<p>I told H because the kids didn’t even get me a card that I feel as though I failed as a mother. H was supposed to interpret those secret code words as “Gee, what was I thinking not making sure that the boys and I got mom a card” I don’t think he cracked the code.</p>

16

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<p>I can beat that. For my first Mother’s Day (after D1 was born), my in-laws were in town visiting. Just giving the set up so you know this comment had context, in that my F-I-L was there. And that’s what H said to me, “You’re not my mother.”</p>

<p>Since then I’ve had some wonderful Mother’s Days, but it’s just not a holiday I really get excited about. What I do get excited about is that it usually falls right around the time of year that I can finally get out in the yard and plant some flowers, etc. So when I think Mother’s Day, I’m thinking a trip to the local greenhouse/nursery and a day outside is perfect, which is exactly what happened yesterday (sorry about the good part, but it had nothing to do with my family, and everything to do with the weather).</p>

<p>But that first Mother’s Day comment from H always rears its ugly head every year.</p>

17

<p>Gave the spouse some earrings but no card. We went to Five Guys burgers for the first time for dinner…at her request. Kiddos didn’t mention it to her at all which I didn’t like too much…but I’m getting tired of prompting them on stuff like this.</p>

<p>Tried to call my mom several times but no answer. Hated leaving a voice mail but had no choice.</p>

<p>In all honesty I hope that nothing happens on Father’s Day. My birthday’s a few weeks later and I do like to get some recognition then…</p>

18

<p>Many years ago I worked with a woman who received a camper/trailer for Mother’s Day from her husband. So, for Father’s Day she gave him a Silver Tea Service. I loved it.</p>

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<p>Hammer, good for you (mmm, 5 Guys!). But keep prompting… D1 remembered for the first time this year pretty much on her own (only one prompt for her two weeks ago :)), and she is 21. And boys do usually take longer to pick up on these skills. Believe me, your wife’s happiness will probably be dramatically improved by that one little act by you.</p>

20

<p>I got the ‘you’re not my mother’ comment on my first Mother’s Day and I immediately told hubby how much that hurt. Actually, hubby is usually pretty good about getting me at least a card for Mother’s Day and he will often take son out to get something. This year - nada. Son left for Europe yesterday morning and he did say ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ before he left but I guess husband though that since son was gone for the day, he was off the hook. </p>

<p>My husband is horrible at buying gifts - meaning he won’t do it unless I tell him exactly what I want - even then it’s iffy. I frequently get nothing for birthday, Christmas or anniversary. I’ve learned to ‘gift’ myself. I always get him something because the symbolism is important to me. Gift-giving is my particular love language. </p>

<p>BTW- did I mention I’m ‘gifting’ myself an iPad2 for my upcoming birthday? :)</p>