<p>Parents/Adults should certainly make decisions that are the right ones for them. However, there are always consequences to decisions made. My parents moved across the country for a career move when I was in college 35 years ago, and I still remember coming “home” to a room that was not “mine” per se, but a bedroom in their new house where I had no friends, no connections, no history, no memories, etc. That house was “their house”, but never felt like mine.</p>
<p>I am struggling with many decisions upcoming regarding marriage, retirement, future, etc., but I do not plan to do anything while my youngest is still in college, because I want her to still have her childhood home to come home to. Had I not had my experience, I would feel differently.</p>
<p>I forgot to mention that my father (divorced parents) moved to CA when I was a freshman, and I enjoyed living there a couple of summers. But it was a very fun resort style location. And I didn’t have close ties to where I grew up, and my mom was still where I went to high school. So not exactly the same situation, but I really didn’t mind it much after it happened. </p>
<p>I think once the kid is in college, the parents should be able to move wherever they want without feeling guily. I don’t think it’s reasonable not to move just to keep someone’s “childhood bedroom.”</p>
<p>Tough question. My folks stayed put in the same house I grew up in and I loved and still love to go home there. It is the friends, but also the family and the memories. I feel very lucky. </p>
<p>Of course, I stopped going home very often after my first year in college. If my parents wanted to move, it wouldn’t have been fair to tell them no. OP, if you get a lucrative job offer somewhere else, you should take it. Your daughter can stay with high school friends when she wants to visit her old stomping grounds. Maybe you make your move slowly, over a period of months, to make it easier. It may take that long to sell your house; I don’t know what real estate is like where you live. </p>
<p>I do worry my own kids will be in your daughter’s situation. My husband is likely to want to move soon after the youngest graduates. I am hoping we can stick around here the first few years he is in college, but idk if that will happen. </p>
<p>My father still lives in the house I grew up in in Florida. He thinks he needs it for when my kids and I come to visit. The problem is, we rarely do anymore, now that the kids are older and our schedules don’t always align. Plus, it is depressing to be there (nothing has changed since my mom died years ago), and even though it has a pool, he doesn’t use it and doesn’t pay to keep it heated–so it’s like swimming in a cold northern lake, which we get to do all the time. I have been telling him for years to move to a smaller, more manageable place where he also doesn’t have the burden of hurricane preparation every time a storm threatens the area. He’s almost 85! </p>
<p>I am confident my kids will support my decision to do what’s best for my life, and thus they are preparing themselves for the possibility of losing their “base” in their hometown within the next year or so. I am sure it is the right thing to do–not just for me but for all of us long-term. I would love to live close to them when they have families, and if anything I will move where THEY settle rather than burden them with creating their future lives around me.</p>
I would do a lot more investigation into the cost of real estate and how bad commuting is.
What is the difference in cost of living? Taxes, food, gas, etc.
How is the difference in weather?</p>
<p>Make sure your daughter will not be too not happy:
4. Your daughter chose a school close to home. Does she have anxiety issues?
5. Can you have her come out when you are looking at houses so she has some “buy-in”?
6. Can you assure her she can come home for all breaks if she wants to?
7. Could she stay with friends when she wants to visit home?</p>
<p>Make sure your hubby will be happy:
8. Are there jobs for him?
9. Will this disruption in his career be worth it for the promotion/opportunity/increase in salary that you will get?</p>
<ol>
<li>And lastly, and most importantly, You will have to PUMP YOUR OWN GAS. :-O</li>
</ol>
<p>We moved around a lot while our kids were growing up - no choice, relocate or lose primary breadwinner’s job in lean employment times. Heck, we moved a two day drive away while one was at summer camp.
Make the decision based on what’s best for your and your husband’s future. As they say over in the financial aid forum “Nobody is going to loan you money for your retirement”. </p>
<p>Your child in college should not be a significant part of your calculation. Figure out how (it at all) it would affect her finances, but she is an adult. Life happens. You need to do what is best for the long term, not just for her year or 3 in college.</p>
<p>We sometimes find it helpful to break down decisions. When we were distraught about making a possible move when kids were in ms and hs, we looked first at just the other factors. We determined it would be too stressful to move with just one job offer, not knowing if the other would find work. Also, we realized that we want to retire here. For us, that made the move less appealing. (For others it could be a non-issue). </p>
<p>We moved during each of our kids’ high school years. We also moved at least once during each of their college years, which coincided with a sibling living overseas. However, we were military and they used to moving frequently. The worst summer was the one after DD3’s freshman year of college when she knew one person in the new town (we had lived there years before and that is the one person she had remained in contact with). One friend and a breakup with a longtime boyfriend made for a long summer.</p>
<p>This is such an individual decision. Certainly if your nuclear family moved several times it would be easier than for a family who has deep roots and extended family members in one area. </p>
<p>I admit I am surprised at how many people have a attitude that “oh they’re adults, it shouldn’t matter.” Or maybe more accurately, I’m surprised at how many people don’t want deep roots in a community. I love that growing up I could see my cousins all the time and go to family BBQ s and be there for holidays, birthdays, and other occasions. DHs siblings live 3-5 hours away and I’m sad that my kids don’t have those family ties. </p>
<p>I still love being able to go back to my hometown. And my college S is an independent as they come but I think he would feel adrift if he wasn’t able to spend this summer at home. Staying with HS friends can be a good alternative but it isn’t always feasible. You can’t just “let your hair” down and just be if you are a guest in someone’s home. </p>
<p>If it works for your family, I think that’s great. I just don’t think there’s a universal one-size-fits-all answer to this and I wanted to give voice to another perspective. </p>
<p>That surprises me, too, surfcity. We made the effort for many years to establish these roots for us and for our Ds, and our community and family commitments here are so important. It’s a shame, in my opinion, when people don’t have those. </p>
<p>I don’t disagree, surfcity, but that isn’t really the scenario OP is describing. She said that that they have some extended family they see once a year, and doesn’t mention having loads of close friends that she and H would be leaving. The concern is with D losing touch with close friends - which is a lot less of an issue, because college students may wind up in any number of places after graduation, so it is shortsighted to give up a move so that your D can spend a couple more years spending school vacations with high school friends. </p>
<p>^^yes I was really not replying to the OP situation per se but to a lot of the responses. </p>
<p>I also think things like aging parents can factor in to decisions like this too. One look at the “parents caring for parents” thread will show how difficult the logistics can be caring for parents from a distance. But if this is not an issue so much the better. </p>
<p>OP here. No, we haven’t made any decision yet. The HR department at the new company is helping to see if H can find a job at the same company. (The company is large, so it would be in a completely different area than me.)</p>
<p>D is starting to get a little bit adjusted to the idea of a potential move. I’m out of the country right now on a business trip (for my current job), but H said that D was starting to talk to him about how, if we did move, she wouldn’t go to the new home during short school vacations, but could find friends to go stay with. </p>