<p>So ZG got her roommate assignment and move-in instructions. The roommate lives closer to the school so checks in two hours earlier than ZG. Fine. The concern (is it a concern?) is that the girl has posted on Facebook and answered surveys about hobbies, spending time, etc. to indicate that she spends all her time with boyfriend (fiance) and that she has no other hobbies or interests. So ZG is wondering if anyone has any tips for her breaking the ice/communicating with the roomie on move-in day because the girl will likely be done setting up room and disappear before ZG even arrives. ZG feels a little apprehensive about having a roommate whose time will be taken up by a boyfriend – worried that everyone will have at least a roommate to fall back on and she won’t. Thoughts?</p>
<p>Someone recently said something interesting to me about facebook…basically the way students portray themselves on facebook is the way they want to be or the way they want to be seen by their peers, not necessarily the way they are.<br>
My advice for ZG would be to enjoy the summer and not stress over a situation that hasn’t occurred yet.</p>
<p>Does the boyfriend also attend the same college and live in another dorm? It is a shame not to have a roommate to pal around with, but I would be more concerned about the possibility that she might want to have the boyfriend in the room all the time, creating an uncomfortable situation for your daughter.</p>
<p>Are you sure that the boyfriend is attending the same college?</p>
<p>If she has “my boyfriend” listed under hobbies or interests and nothing else, it’s almost certainly just a joke. People exaggerate these things for fun. I know people who listed the name of a single friend under their interests. Facebook is not to be taken seriously. </p>
<p>Further, even a roommate with a long term boyfriend at the same college will be excited to meet her new roommate! Girls need same sex “girlfriends,” and it would be surprising and unhealthy (though possible) if ZG’s roommate spent most of her time with her boyfriend. Unless she has a group of friends at the same college, she’ll be looking to meet girls to hang out with in addition to her boyfriend. </p>
<p>If the roommate turns out to be a bust, there will be lots of other people in her hall she can hang out with. At the beginning of college, everyone is excited to meet everyone else, so if she can’t “fall back” on her roommate, she’ll be able to find a hundred other girls to meet. A lot of students find other people in their hall right away who they click with better than their roommates.</p>
<p>I don’t think she has to worry. :)</p>
<p>i am with motheroftwo, I would rather a roommate never there than one with the bf always there, </p>
<p>if she is more interested in marriage at this point, bet she won’t last long anyway, or they will break up</p>
<p>if BF is NOT at the same college, then roommate may be gone many weekkends, which isn’t that bad…</p>
<p>my roomie was hardly ever there and I made lots of friends</p>
<p>I also agree that she shouldn’t get all worked up about different scenarios which may not actually take place. Corranged’s provided some very good points.</p>
<p>things will be Ok? </p>
<p>Remind your D, that around October the roomies will kinda hate each other as the space seemingly shrinks and most kids are used to their own rooms. Remind her to vent to you when she’s bugged. It will work itself out.</p>
<p>To clarify, the boyfriend is going to the same school and living in a different wing of the same dorm. Hadn’t thought of the sexile thing, but that may be in the back of ZG’s mind.</p>
<p>Oh you guys are good. I’m definitely going to give her Opie’s advice. I think she has some sort of fantasy about being friends with the roommate. Perhaps they will, but ZG is extremely friendly and outgoing (dare I say, perky?) but potential roommate doesn’t seem so. But I’m sure it will be fine and there is nothing new under the sun, right?</p>
<p>Anything and everything and nothing could happen from this information.</p>
<p>For example, your D might have herself a boyfriend by October and they’ll all be on equal footing. The girl might want to spend time at her boyfriend’s room, making ZG the hostess with the mostest (empty room) to invite in many girls from up and down the hall. The other couple could break up. The fiance could fall head-over-heels in love with your D and dump the roommate. I guess that last one isn’t good but you get my drift.</p>
<p>A few thoughts…how about your D getting in touch with the roommate?
Most colleges give email addresses and or phone numbers of roommates and a chat on the phone could give your D a chance to get to know this person better and ask some questions she has on her mind.</p>
<p>Not all roommates need to be good friends. Sometimes it’s enough to just get along and respect each other and be there in a pinch. My S and his roommate last year were not the best of friends but got along well and helped each other out when necessary.</p>
<p>Even if the girl is never around due to her boyfriend, there’s bound to be other girls in the same predicament, or girls whose roommates have tough athletic schedules or other big commitments and aren’t around much. She’ll find friends.</p>
<p>LilyMoon’s point is a good one–
if the two roomates have basic good manners and respect each other, there shouldn’t be problems, boyfriend or not. It’s OK not to be best friends. I’m guessing that many students choose different roomates for following years anyhow. That’s the way it was for my freshman roomate and me, though we remained friendly and fond of each other.</p>
<p>As for the boyfriend, that could present a problem (again, if she has no manners), but on the other hand it’s probably no worse than some unnattached girls who go boy crazy freshman year (I saw that happen, too!)</p>
<p>Your D might be disappointed if she imagined she’d move in and they’d bond like sisters. Sometimes that happens, but from what I read here, more often the roommates develop a considerate, working relationship and each makes a circle of friends, not necessarily identical. </p>
<p>This roommate, through the mixed blessing of Facebook, has revealed that she already has a going keen interest. So, yes, there’s a potential issue with being sexiled right from Day 1 rather than Month 2. There’s the intensity of this guy being a fiance and not just a b.f. </p>
<p>Looking at this as a package situation, however, your D could be absolutely surprised to find she likes both the girl and the boy. They could be one circle of friends right there, leaving her free to enjoy both them and all the other friends she’ll meet. Maybe the guy is really a good person, could be a chill friend, so don’t figure he’s the enemy before you meet him. Try to stay open and get to know the girl first before deciding anything about her. Bring kleenex, because if the coupledom doesn’t last, she might become the girl’s best friend after all, just maybe not immediately.</p>
<p>Hi, everyone, I’m a student. Sorry to sneak in on the parent convo, but I would like to add my comments about Facebook. The boyfriend is probably not her fiance. I know tons of people who’s “relationship status” is listed as “engaged to so and so” when they aren’t, some are even listed as married. lol… Usually that’s just a boyfriend or a really good guy friend. </p>
<p>As for breaking the ice, she should definitely message her roommate thru Facebook or email before hand. Me and my future roommate have talked a lot over Facebook. We’ve figured out who’s bringing what, and we’ve talked about decorating our room. Some people present a different view of themselves on Facebook, whether it be to appear cooler or some other reason. I think she should message her roomie and ask general questions like what her major is, interests, etc. She may turn out to be a really cool girl.</p>
<p>Agree wtih cowtipper. Have ZG start communicating via Facebook or email with her roommate. They can plan for move-in, who brings what, even color scheme if so inclined. It will give them time to get to know each other in a safe manner. The rest of the chips will fall where they may…</p>
<p>Yeah, I was about to point that out. These kiddos aren’t getting married (yet). 
</p>
<p>“Relationship status” on facebook can only really be trusted if it’s “single” or “in a relationship.” Everything else people just put on with their friends for fun.</p>
<p>as long as she in not sexiled, what is bad about, in essence, a single room?</p>
<p>Seriously, most students are friendly with their roomie but closest to others on their floor or participants in common activities.</p>
<p>This should not be an issue at all unless the BF spends too much time in the room if you get my drift.</p>
<p>As my grandmother used to say, “don’t borrow trouble!” I wouldn’t recommend starting to worry about this so far in advance. As others have said, you can’t always take the information found on Facebook literally. Honestly, how many 17/18 year olds do you know who are engaged? Yikes! Lots of kids will go off to college and already have significant others. Most of those relationships, whether at the same college or not, will not last the year. There will be other relationships formed, and even if a roomie has no boyfriend on move-in day, she may have one by the end of the first week! So may Zoosergirl! Chances are good that both girls (and every other freshman college student) will experience being sexiled at some point. No need to worry about it now. She should contact her future roomie and introduce herself so that they may get to know each other a little and they won’t feel so awkward on that first day. They can decide who’s bringing what so that they don’t have ‘duplicates’. I know it’s nervewracking for kids to contemplate living with strangers but, in most cases, it works out just fine. Some become lifelong friends, some don’t, but tell ZG to keep in mind that future roomie is probably as nervous as she is! They’ll be fine, and if they aren’t, they’ll sort it out!</p>
<p>
I think the Parents Forum of College Confidential exists so that all of us can give each other this sage advice and ignore it ourselves. I’m glad ZM has a place to vent her (perfectly rational) concerns, but I agree that dwelling on them too much in the absence of actual behavior by an actual person is unproductive at best and more likely counterproductive. My best friends and their college daughter have a tendency to do this, too. Not only is it one of their least attractive qualities, but I think the daughter has missed some opportunities because of prejudging how people might react based on extrapolating from similarly sketchy information.</p>