<p>This has b een a good conversation for me and I enjoy hearing others’ experiences because sometimes, with a brand new experience, it can be hard to know what’s “normal.” ZG has now heard from several other girls and boys in the dorm and is quite excited, so that’s good. As far as the roommate, not sure. They are in a special program, so unbeknownst to me, ZG and she met at orientation and didn’t really hit it off. Didn’t not hit it off either, but ZG said that the girl sat on the BF’s lap for the entire session and spoke to no one else. I gave her the point about possibly having the room to herself a lot, which she liked, and I told her that she had to make a point to communicate clearly and respectfully if there are problems. ZG asked her if they could discuss what to bring at some point and she said that they should each bring their own stuff. I wonder if it’s possible to bring one’s own fridge and tv.</p>
<p>I’m with cowtipper.</p>
<p>My very playing-the- field 16 year old son is listed as "married " on his facebook page…because at a weeklong religious retreat he was “married” to another participant and they have remained good friends even though she lives about 1300 miles away.</p>
<p>On the other hand, my 22 year old son has been in a serious relationship with a young woman for 3 years…and lists himself as single.</p>
<p>so at least until all the facts are in, take facebook entries with a grain of salt…</p>
<p>Have to second the posts by students. My D told me that girls sometimes list their girlfriends (and I don’t mean romantic partners) as spouses, just for fun. I don’t think facebook status is meaningful. </p>
<p>Perhaps ZG would post on roommate’s wall, something innocuous, like “looking forward to getting to know you” just to break ice.</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions is right-on too. Many senarios may unfold. My D’s roommate became best friends with someone else on hall. D used it as opportunity to get to know this girl as well, and to make a close friend from different dorm. This was invaluable when inevitable “dorm drama” unfolded (Barnard – all girl’s school – lots of drama.) She also makes good point about entertaining. D’s room was one milimicron bigger than others so it became dorm hangout, and D, blessed with metabolism I didn’t even have before I was born, became dorm supplier of chocolate. I recommend bag of Hershey’s mixed nuggests or shoebox filled with homebaked brownies. Everyone will then congregate in ZG’s home.</p>
<p>BTW: My S, incoming frosh, requested a single because he’s a terrible sleeper and listens to Harry Potter books in the middle of the night to get back to sleep. He will be going the shoebox-brownie route. Boys don’t seem to be chocolate fanciers.</p>
<p>Oops! Cross-posted. If RM sat on boyfriend’s lap chances are relationship is real. Let’s hope boyfriend feels more comfortable about inconveniencing his roommate. </p>
<p>And if they’ve met, ditto about posting on facebook wall. But brownie suggestion (I forgot, probably co-ed dorm) gots underlined as icebreaker. My freshmen year a hallmate announced free brownies for all boys (LOL) on school radio. Only upperclassmen responded. We met all BMOC who paved our way into clubs, etc. One, who I became close friends with) became chair of NYS Green Party. I am not suggesting this because it takes real chutzpah and is probably quite inappropriate to boot, but even after all these years I still chuckle.</p>
<p>ZG D will probably be better off with the roomie off with her BF all the time, nothing more annoying than having a GF who is that clingy and needy</p>
<p>So, just warn D that when the relationship ends between roomie and “fiance”, which it most likely will, be prepared, if the girl hasn’t made any other friends, it could be dreary and whiney for a while, with some drama thrown in</p>
<p>CGM that is GOOD advice. Thank you.</p>
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<p>Zoosermom: having read this, it doesn’t sound like this girl is going to be very open to “bonding” with ZG or anyone else. She sounds like a very insecure and immature girl. It’s too bad that ZG has to know that about her future roommate now as it certainly takes some of the fun and excitement about going off to college and the dorm experience. She should still make the effort to “chat” online but it may be a one-way street. If ZG puts her efforts into getting to know all the other great kids in the dorm she will have a great time. If the roommate is not around, so be it. ZG may have to draw the line if BF spends all his free time in the girls’ room. She can cross that bridge if and when it becomes a problem.</p>
<p>It could have been a whole lot worse.</p>
<p>People who check out their prospective roommates on Facebook often discover far worse things about them than that they have steady boyfriends.</p>
<p>Really, all your daughter needs to do is to realize that her roommate has a major time commitment that will probably mean that the two girls will do fewer things together. A boyfriend is like an extracurricular activity; the sme sort of thing would have happened if the roomie had turned out to be a varsity athlete. This is far better than having a roommate you can’t stand. </p>
<p>The only other thing I would add is that it may be a good idea for the girls to set ground rules about “sexiling” as early as possible.</p>
<p>My son had a roommate who had a steady girlfriend his first semester in college. The two guys had no major disagreements, but they never became friends because the roommate was usually elsewhere with his girlfriend. Some of the time, my son felt as though he had the college’s largest single – which was just fine with him. On a few occasions, though, the roommate did sleep with his girlfriend in the same (incredibly narrow dorm) bed in their shared room – although they did not have sex in my son’s presence. My son did not mind this. Some people might.</p>
<p>Maybe this is what’s wrong with the Facebook-meet-your-roommate thing. It could be that it’s better to ease into a relationship. Perhaps it just sets the stage for too many pre-conceived ideas about a person (not to mention a lot of anxiety in some cases). You know what I mean?</p>
<p>I don’t know if this has been mentioned, but last summer, I had really great conversation with a young man who was a former RA. He owned a business that provided college services and I was in the process of filling out a rental agreement and he offered up a bit of advice that I thought was very wise. He said no student should go into the college experience with the idea the dorm is going to be the source of their social relationships. It’s always great if you find a good friend in your roommate or floormate, but you can’t be disappointed if you don’t have this expectation. He said he always encouraged social interaction on the floor when he worked as an RA; but he also advised students to join organizations and make friends with similar interests outside of their living arrangement so that they will ‘get out of the dorm’ for social interaction. Roommates are like family…most of the time ya can’t really pick 'em…so it’s best to create situations where you can have a little control with social choices.</p>
<p>zm - This girl may not be your d’s cup of tea. But if your d keeps in mind she is not dependent on this girl for a good experience and if she establishes good boundaries with respect to guests in the room, I predict she will be fine.</p>
<p>S hasn’t received his roommate assignment yet, but I am really hoping that they’ll be able to share the fridge and microwave! Sheesh @ “each bring their own stuff”! This doesn’t sound at all like a girl who can/will share, and I for one think it’s great that ZG will be prepared for that. Personally, I think ZM’s apprehension is completely appropriate. At least it’s just for one year.</p>
<p>I’m thinking that as an orientation activity, roommates fill out a form outlining expectations for their dorm room. Things such as quiet time, music, studying, tidiness, borrowing from each other and surely boyfriends/girlfriends, topics that could become a problem are discussed and even a form is filled out. I think they try to address problems and expectations before they arise. This would be the perfect time for your daughter to address the concerns she has regarding the boyfriend and sexiling. </p>
<p>I really hope this will not be a problem for my daughter, because if she were to ask me my opinion, I would tell her that it’s perfectly OK to tell the roommate and boyfriend that they HAVE to find somewhere else to fool around.</p>
<p>fpfan, I imagine that it’s possible that an activity such as that is done at some colleges but I’ve gone through freshman orientation with 3Ds so far and that hasn’t taken place as an organized activity at any of their schools. Ideally, this type of discussion takes place between roommates shortly after move-in, and is done in a casual, friendly, open, and informal manner, not with a written agreement or in an atmosphere of ‘this is what I expect’. If BOTH roommates are reasonable, flexible, and fair-minded, there shouldn’t be a problem that they can’t work out.</p>
<p>My d is at a 6 week gov hnrs. program, she was worried about roommate, 90 percent of pictures I have seen have been with them both, don;t worry, people bond in all differrent ways</p>
<p>Myspace/Facebook…
My son’s myspace would scare the living crap out of someone who didn’t know him. He’s got this picture of some kind of “man-monkey” creature with pigtails…I can’t even describe it. He says he has two children. His background is a giant picture of a little three year old boy in RedSox garb shooting the bird. In his “narrative” he says he likes shooting small animals, etc…the sort of stuff Dr. Evil said in his description of himself in “Austin Powers”. It’s appalling. I hate to think of what his prospective roommate must be thinking!!! :D</p>
<p>Zoosergirl has absolutely nothing on her Facebook page, so she’s not giving off any info there.</p>
<p>doubleplay, that is so funny, shows he has induvidality and personality?</p>
<p>A good way for ZG to meet people (in the same line as the brownie idea but less work) is for her to always have a full pack of gum with her. Whenever she’s in a crowd, she can loudly offer it up. Girls love gum, and everyone shares it. A loud “Anybody want some gum?” will quickly bring around a circle of new girls to talk to.</p>
<p>GA2012MOM,
I am still close friends with my GHP '78 roommate – and one of my college roommates is my SIL! We won’t talk about my junior year roommate from college, who unknowingly has provided my sons many lessons about responsible behavior…</p>
<p>zoosermom - if your D’s roommate is not very communicative when your D contacts her it is more than likely that the roommate is self-involved. My D’s roommate this past year was a very self centered individual. When my D contacted her before freshman year the roommate was always “too busy” to chat, etc.</p>
<p>My D and her roommate went days without speaking. While the boyfriend did not live on campus the roommate called him every evening and talked for three plus hours. My D who usually goes to sleep after midnight needed an early night - a one time event. The roommate became furious that she could not talk to the boyfriend in HER room. So long as the roommate got her way she was fine - otherwise, it was look out!</p>
<p>My D did not want to move out of the room so she just put up with it. I later found out that my D spent many nights sleeping in the library or student center. She told me at the end of the school year that her roommate was not a very nice person.</p>
<p>Knowing what you know about the roommate I would suggest you contact housing now to see if your D can change roommates before school starts. The dismissal your D has received when she communicated with her roommate is a warning sign. Failing that find out how soon your D can request a room change. </p>
<p>Good luck. I hope your D ends up in a better first year situation than mine did.</p>