My boyfriend recently brought up the idea of moving in together soon. We’ve been dating a couple months and he wants to wait until we’ve been dating for at least 9 months and when we are more financially independent. We are both attending college this year at separate colleges. We are both commuting that’s why he brought up the idea of moving in together. We would find an apartment equidistant from both of our colleges. We have all ready been discussing issues such as finances and marriage. We both see a future with each other. I really want to move in with him and I would like to know your guys’ opinions whether it is a good idea or not.
*I intend on staying at home for my freshman year but would like to know about our sophomore year moving in together.
Take your time before making such an important decision. Starting college is a huge change to your life- don’t complicate it by making such a big decision now for something that wouldn’t happen for a year. You have only been dating for a few months- that is such a short time to base your future on. Get to know each other better over this year and hold off on any decisions. College provides such a wonderful opportunity to meet all kinds of new people and try new things. Tying yourself down by moving in w/ your BF will really limit your exposure to other people and you will lose out on one of the best parts of college. Slow down and have fun.
I wouldn’t recommend it, and would discourage my kids from doing it, until after college.
Was your original plan to live at home for four years of college? Why would you want the extra expense of an apartment at this point in your life? That would mean working a lot of hours, as well as going to school. I don’t see how you can go to school full time and work enough hours to support independent living. That sounds like quite a lot of schedule juggling. When would you have time for fun?
I’m speaking from experience. I married when my Dh and I were juniors in college. It’ HARD! He had to quit school and work full time while I finished my degree, and then he went back to school. It’s almost impossible for both partners to do both full time school and work, and still have any time left for one another.
If you can stay at home for free, what would you have to gain from spending the money on an apartment? Especially if both of you are full-time students. Now, there may be more information you haven’t told us, but if you made a list of pros and cons, from this it looks like the list of cons would be much longer
Well, you should both see how the upcoming academic year goes for both of you. Then you should see if your families are on board, because that support would be crucial. And then it would depend upon how much driving will be involved for both of you. I think you would find that anything over half an hour each way will get very old very fast.
I’ll contradict some considering I just married my college sweetheart. We started living together sophomore year just a few short months after starting to date. Do I think it’s going to work for everyone? Nah. Do I think it’s as big of a deal as some on here are making it seem? Nah.
With that said I’d give it until at least next spring. No need to make plans right now. People change and you should wait out at least the first year before making any decisions.
How would your parents feel about it? If you are counting on them to financially support you they have to agree with this idea. My theory is if you want to live like an adult that means paying for it like an adult. Once my daughter could pay her own rent I had no say over with whom she lived.
We both live an hour away from our schools so were thinking of a place where the commute would only be of couple minutes. I’ve known him longer than we’ve been dating. I am going to wait until Freshman year is over. He is going to a community college while I am going to a four year school. Both of us will not have any student debt and we both plan on working to make money, whether we move in together or not. We also both have a lot of money saved up. How long should we be dating when it would be all right to move in together?
Honey, let be honest! You’re a teenager. You’re probably gonna break up! It doesn’t matter how much money you have or how long you’ve known each other. You’re a child. So be a child. Don’t prematurely take on adult responsibilities. Park your butt at home and get an education. Don’t worry about some boy that you probably won’t even be with this time next year. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM.
Gee @Calicash, there is such a thing as birth control, which the OP is likely already using… How archaic.
The only concern I would have is why are you both commuting - can’t your family afford for you to live on campus? And if they can’t, how can you and he afford to get an apartment?
My live-in boyfriend (since sophomore year) was a great positive influence on my grades.
I would suggest trying to stay over at your or your boyfriend’s house for a weekend, and see how that goes, assuming one or both sets of parents are amenable. My experience living with my boyfriend in college was very positive, and spur of the moment in a way, but we just moved to one of our on-campus dorm rooms instead of renting on our own.
How long should we be dating when it would be all right to move in together?
You’ll find as many different answers to this as there are members of College Confidential. What do your parents say? That should mean a lot more to you than anonymous people on a discussion board. You have no student debt, does that mean parents are paying for college?
I happen to think young romances like yours can work- but you need to be practical or it can all get too difficult and the fun and romance goes out the window. Be financially independent before moving in with him. Truly- that means college expenses and everything. If you can do that and are no longer relying on your parents for support, you are adults and can make decisions for yourselves. You don’t need us.
I’d say don’t do it so soon. Kick that can to junior or senior year. Give yourself a little more time to adjust, get to know each other. You may very well be together forever, but if you’re not, there’s a whole new level of “complicated” to a break-up when there’s a lease and some financial obligations involved. A little extra time just hedges that bet a bit.
I think the parents of DS’s GF will not be fine with him staying overnight at her place, let alone move in together. They have been together for one year and they are 7 years older than OP, I think.
Every family could be different. It is hard to say who is “right”, if there is really a right thing to do. But I personally think OP is too young for this.
At your age…6 years! Don’t run before you walk. Have some fun. BF/GFs can really limit a social life at a very crucial time for you to meet new people, go get coffee, meet at the movies, etc with classmates. Cali has a tough way of putting it, but she’s right. You should be doing so many other things next fall!
If I was your mom, I’d send you to live on campus to avoid the live-in outcome!!
Since you’re also a teenager, Calicash, you may not have enough experience to know that not all young adult romances end in break ups. I know several couples who have been together since they were 19 or 20. Most have kids who will be applying to college in a year or two.
@Embio02, I would suggest living at home as long as you can so you can save for when you do get married. I have a very good friend who got engaged when she and her boyfriend were college sophomores. They saved every dime while they were in college (in separate accounts) and for the first year after graduation, then got married. Money can be a huge stress on a relationship, so you have to plan carefully.
Make sure you can support yourself without your parents’ help before you get an apartment with anyone. When it’s right, you won’t have to ask anybody; you’ll just know. That’s when you do it.
OP is an adult (or very close to it). Her replies on other threads show that she is thoughtful, and carefully planning her academic and professional future. IMO her idea should not be dismissed out of hand, simply because she is young. If she is in a committed relationship a year from now, if it doesn’t cause a rift within their families, and if she is getting what she wants out of her college experience, they should do whatever they want.
