My Best Friend Changed and Is Ignoring My Calls Has Anyone Else Experienced This?

College Life
1

My best friend who has been my best friend for 9 years has changed the second that he went to college. He goes the University of Maryland College Park. The same college that I go to.

He ignores my phone calls. I was on google hangouts the other week and I gave him tips for exercising without going to the gym (i.e. sports, swimming, physical work) because when I went to the gym it was not effective.

He then he aggressively shook his belly fat at me and later said he said he could do whatever he wanted and that I could not stop him from going to the gym. He gained a lot of weight since he went to college. Later that night he just hung up on me while I was talking to so that he could go to the gym with his roommate.

He now only hangs out with his roommates and ignores my phone calls.

I hate his roommates. They have changed my best friend. Last June I would show him funny youtube videos and he would laugh. Now he does not care anymore about funny youtube videos that I show him anymore.

This all started once he’s been going to college.

Should I just tell him to nock this off!

Should I also tell his roommates to stay away from my best friend. They are a bad influence and have changed my best friend.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Is it time for a new friend?

-Thanks
Everyone

2

I think it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want to be your friend for some reason or another. You probably won’t be able to find out, and yes, it’s time for a new friend. It’s hard to let people go, I know - especially if you’ve known them a long time. But if you let his rejection dwell on your mind, it will only fester. There’s not much more you can do.

3

What is his problem though? Would you be able to speculate?
-Thanks

4

WHAT. I feel bad, but I laughed when I read this.

I’m in a similar situation with my best friend of 14 years. Haven’t spoken to each other since college started. She doesn’t return any of my messages. I figured that she’s either too busy with sports/classwork/other friends or she moved on. I don’t spend time thinking about it - it would make me very upset if I spent too much time dwelling on it.

Anyways, friendships shouldn’t be one-sided. Seems like you’re putting in a lot of effort into maintaining this friendship and your friend isn’t. I’m sorry to say this, but I think it’s time to move on and find new friends.

5

Yea but he was fine last june, july, and august. Then the SECOND he stepped into that dorm he transformed into a person that I do not like.

I kinda was shocked but found it funny when he aggressively shook his belly fat at me lol.

6

@beetleman It’s sad that some people change into a completely different person once they get to college, but stuff happens. Some people will just change without explanation.

I realize this is your friend of 9 years so I get why this bothers you. It may be worth it to ask him why he’s acting like this, although i know you said he keeps hanging up on you. Either he’ll give you an answer or he’ll brush you off. He may change if he realizes that he’s acting different - probably no one pointed it out to him? Anyways, if he brushes you off, it’s probably not worth it for you to try and invest in this friendship anymore unless he tries to make a difference.

7

True

8

I know what a difficult situation this is, but have you considered that even though you might not like who he’s become, he might like himself better? Sometimes college helps people to see who they want to be. At this point, I would just give him space (and definitely don’t contact his roommates! There’s no way that would end well). Maybe you can get together when he comes back from school over winter break, and you can talk to him in person.

9

Yes, move on and hang out with other people and maybe you can get together during the winter break. Definitely don’t approach the roommates.

10

I promise I won’t approach the roommates.

11

Sometimes, people grow apart. It happens to everyone, and the college years are a time when a lot of growth and change happens. You are probably changing too, even if you don’t realize it right now.

How long as this been going on? I know you said it was since you started college, so was it just for the last couple of months or have you been in college for years? How long has it been since he started ignoring your calls–since the moment college started, since you made the comments about exercising, or since some other time? Does he also ignore texts, facebook messages, or other ways you try to communicate? If you just talked to him the other week, he can’t be ignoring you completely. Has he been ignoring you since then or has it been going on longer?

Did he ask you for tips on exercising or did you just bring that up spontaneously? It sounds like he took offense at what you said, perhaps because he’s sensitive about gaining weight (or maybe because you said something to insinuate that) or because you’re effectively saying that his exercise method is worthless. It sounds like his roommates are more supportive and have more in common with him, as they all go to the gym together and do other things together. I wasn’t there for the conversation, but I don’t think it would be that hard to be annoyed at you implying that he’s fat (or perhaps, even saying it outright) and then telling him that he shouldn’t be going to the gym but instead should be doing all of these other things that you think are better. If he’s been ignoring you since then, then that’s probably why. It sounded like it could easily come off as rude based on what you wrote here.

Do you have other friends that you hang out with? You should definitely try to have a friend group that is more than one person. There will always be times when you go through rough patches with people. Maybe you have a fight or a disagreement, and you just need some time apart. He might be annoyed at you trying to call him all of the time, or he might not feel like he has that much in common with you anymore. He might be ticked off at some of the things you said. Maybe you guys are just going through growing pains and later you’ll become closer friends again. But maybe you won’t. Either way, you should definitely be trying to expand your friend group. It doesn’t have to be an either-or situation. It’s not like you’re giving up on this friendship, and you’re going to find another one. But you’re just giving this friendship some time to cool down before you get together and catch up again (or not, depending on how things go).

I know you said you weren’t going to talk to his roommates, but I just wanted to reiterate for emphasis: No, no, and no. Absolutely do not tell his roommates to stay away from your friend. That is the absolute worse thing you can do. Not only will it make the situation worse (your friend already thinks you’re trying to dictate his life by telling him not to go to the gym), but you have absolutely no right to tell anyone who they can and cannot spend time with. Nothing you have said made his roommates sound like a bad influence at all. Going to the gym with someone is usually considered a good influence, not a bad one.

12

@baktrax you said: "How long as this been going on? I know you said it was since you started college, so was it just for the last couple of months or have you been in college for years? How long has it been since he started ignoring your calls–since the moment college started, since you made the comments about exercising, or since some other time? Does he also ignore texts, facebook messages, or other ways you try to communicate? If you just talked to him the other week, he can’t be ignoring you completely. Has he been ignoring you since then or has it been going on longer?

Did he ask you for tips on exercising or did you just bring that up spontaneously? It sounds like he took offense at what you said, perhaps because he’s sensitive about gaining weight (or maybe because you said something to insinuate that) or because you’re effectively saying that his exercise method is worthless. It sounds like his roommates are more supportive and have more in common with him, as they all go to the gym together and do other things together."

I will answer your questions:

This started the second his foot hit that dorm.

He was in college for a couple of months.

He ignores me after that conversation. He also hung up on me once when I told he had changed and whether he is okay.

He does not check email so I can only contact him by phone.

He did not ask for tips on exercise but I never called him fat nor implied it. he started it. We were on google hangouts and he said he was going to the gym. I said why are you going to the gym you look fine. (I did not know he gained lots of weight at the time) He then got up and aggressively shook his belly fat at me. He later said that he could do whatever he wanted that I could not stop him.

I wanted to help him by suggesting he plays sports instead. Plus his favorite sports are basketball, water basketball, swimming, and cross country. He never was fat. He gained a lot of weight in under three months.

“Nothing you have said made his roommates sound like a bad influence at all. Going to the gym with someone is usually considered a good influence, not a bad one.”

His roommates are a bad influence because they have changed his personality. They have turned him into a weird and rude person that he never was last august. This started the instant that he met them. I can tell he is unhappy acting this way. He is just trying to fit in with his roommates. I do not consider them friends. Just because they are roommates does not mean he must be friends with them.

I do not like this.

I do not know what to do.

-Thanks @backtrax.

13

What you should do is turn towards finding about three solid friends to replace him. Stay in touch with him for holidays, etc., but leave him alone now during school. Grieve what you lost with him, but now you have to move on. It’ll be ok.

14

How has school been going for you otherwise, beetleman? I remember the start of the year was causing some anxiety. I hope it’s been okay except for your friend’s strange behavior.

15

Not getting much out of college to be honest.

Though I did learn how to weld and do blacksmith work.

The field trips in college are fun though.

Little less depressed now that I finally earned my drivers license.

16

Try giving your friend some space and work on developing other friendships. I know exactly how painful this is for you as it’s happened to me as well. But we must accept that people and friendships do change as we go through life. One sided friendships are no good so if he’s not willing to do his part, you have to let go. Try your best to not be clingy. Don’t contact him for a week or two and see if he reaches out.

17

A lot of people disconnect themselves from their old lives when they go away to college. Sometimes they go back to their old ways with friends during breaks, sometimes they don’t. You can’t do anything to make it better, but if you say anything critical to him you will make it 1000 times worse.

Whether or not you’re trying to help, telling him how to work out or telling him his friends aren’t a good influence or telling him he’s changed are criticisms. People don’t like being criticized. Give him space (no contact!) and find new friends. Check in and see how he’s doing in a few weeks, but only if you can do it without complaining.

18

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19

Well @Pheebers I can’t just tell him what he wants to hear he has changed and I do not like it.

20

@beetleman I have friends and family members who have gone through similar scenarios for unexplained reasons…

Do you think your comment about exercising might have offended him in any way? (I doubt this is the case, but anything could be true)

In any case, I agree with @Pheebers; I wouldn’t pester or contact him for a while, but instead give some time. Maybe he’ll reach out and contact you, maybe not. If he does, don’t criticize him or his past decisions.

I also wouldn’t tell him to stay away from his roommates. The only exceptions I can think of are if his friends are encouraging stuff such as suicidal thoughts, drug abuse or other illegal activities.