<p>My boyfriend thinks smoking is cool, but I find it completely repulsive. </p>
<p>I went home for the summer, and he started hanging out with this one girl (who goes to my school but lives at his fraternity) who has started giving him cigarettes. When I found out I got pretty upset, so he promised that he wouldn’t smoke anymore. </p>
<p>Although he promised not to smoke anymore, he’s only doing it for me, not for himself. How can I help him understand that smoking isn’t worth the trouble? I have asthma, and I cannot describe how frustrating it is to not be able to breathe. If I continue to nag him about the dangers of smoking, he’s only going to see it as nagging and not take me seriously (parents, now I know how you feel). How can I guide him without pushing him?</p>
<p>Make a list of the stuff you like about him and the stuff you don’t like and then evaluate whether or not you should keep him as a boyfriend. When you have a relationship, you should consider the state of the other person as the state that you will get permanently. The other person may change because they have an innate desire too but often times external motivation doesn’t work and generates resentment.</p>
<p>“I went home for the summer, and he started hanging out with this one girl (who goes to my school but lives at his fraternity) who has started giving him cigarettes.”</p>
<p>I feel like that would constitute as nagging and wouldn’t get me anywhere.</p>
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I definitely have mentioned this, and if I ever get the opportunity again I’ll take advantage of it.</p>
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<p>Yeah, I do. He’s having some issues with his family, and is at a vulnerable time. He’s a smart guy who has big dreams, but unfortunately doesn’t see smoking as big of an issue as I do.</p>
<p>Question: Does anybody know how black men and smoking fits? I was looking up some articles on smoking, and to me it seems like there are anti-smoking campaigns for white males/females, but not many towards black males or females.</p>
<p>Unless he’s a completely ignorant person or an idiot, he already knows that smoking is unhealthy and is an expensive habit. He should also realize its effect on other people - especially someone with asthma (whom second-hand smoke can make seriously ill). Assuming this is true and he doesn’t give it up then it means he’s making a conscious decision despite these facts so he must not be that concerned. </p>
<p>As he gets older and more mature he’ll realize that the idea that ‘smoking is cool’ was some adolescent idea and he’ll likely wish he never started because by then (maybe by now) he’ll be hooked.</p>
<p>I’d also question the idea that some girl living at his fraternity (???) has this kind of influence on him.</p>
<p>He’s a BF - part of having a relationship at this stage is deciding whether this is a person you’d want to spend your life with or not. If you think the person doesn’t have enough respect for you to not behave like this or isn’t as mature as you thought he was, now’s a good time to find out while you’re in a target rich environment (i.e. college) to find another BF.</p>
<p>Hopefully he did realize it was a stupid thing to do and has truly decided to no longer smoke.</p>
<p>I’m only presenting one side of the story, the part of him not taking smoking as seriously as I do. I thought it would be tedious to describe everything else. I’m secure with our relationship, that chick has nothing on me. We’ve been in a long distance relationship since summer has started, and right now he’s at a vulnerable time and wants friends, and she happens to be a friend who is offering him cigarettes.</p>
<p>I don’t want advice on how to break up with him, I don’t want advice on whether I should reevaluate my relationship with this guy, because I already know it’s good. I just want advice on how to deal with this smoking issue.</p>
<p>So you’re very secure in this long distance relationship with a guy who’s vulnerable and making unwise choices with some girl. </p>
<p>*** Think about that.</p>
<p>Regarding smoking campaigns targeted at Black males or females - I believe I’ve seen some but it doesn’t really matter since the anti-smoking campaigns I’ve seen are against ‘people’ smoking. It has nothing to do with race. The inside of the lungs and arteries react the same to the effects of smoking.</p>
<p>Regarding the smoking - do you think he knows the danger of smoking cigarettes and the harm it does to him and others around him including you who have asthma? Does he realize that when he’s around you, even if he goes outside to smoke, when he comes back with you, you can still have a reaction to the smoke lingering on his person? Does he know that smoking is addictive and expensive?</p>
<p>If your answer to the above is that he’s aware of it then you’re done - there’s nothing more you can say that’ll educate him. It’s now just about choices. He can make his choice and you can make yours and each of you can live with the ramifications.</p>
<p>He has never smoked around me, which is kind of why it upset me that once I left he started experimenting with it. He knows not to smoke around me, because I don’t like it. He does it with friends, because he wants to fit in. He thinks I’m being paranoid, since it’s only a “casual social thing”, I think the issue is he doesn’t see himself ever becoming addicted. In his mind, one or two cigarettes per year is not going to cause lung cancer. But the way I see it, addiction doesn’t happen like BAM suddenly you’re addicted, it creeps on you before you even realize what’s happening. I got concerned when I had heard he had had three the past week.</p>
<p>I had another friend who also claims to only smoke socially, but one day we were working on a stressful project, barely made the deadline, and were recovering from the shock when she just says “I really need a cigarette right now”. I dragged her outside and we ran and screamed a little, which made her feel better. But as for “social smokers”, I find that to be complete bull.</p>
<p>I just really want to see if this is an issue we can work through, and any help/advice for how to get through to him would be appreciated.</p>
<p>Catsushi, if you were my DD, and you came home and told me that your bf thought smoking was cool I’d be disturbed. Each of my kids went to different schools but they all hammered home the dangers of smoking. And while they all have friends and acquaintances who smoke, I’m pretty certain none do so thinking it’s cool. I have fully grown friends who smoke but do so cursing their lack of will power and self loath over the habit.</p>
<p>so what rock has your bf been under that allows him to think this is cool? And how can you show anything short of total disgust as he gets entrenched in a deadly habit? </p>
<p>Why did you post here? Did you seriously think we could give you tips on talking sense into an adult who seems to ignore all the info he’s undoubtedly heard for years? Do you think it’s respectful to tell an asthmatic partner you’ve decided to smoke? The whole thing sounds a lot more middle school than college.</p>
<p>“Question: Does anybody know how black men and smoking fits?”</p>
<p>0oooh! Can’t resist that! Is this other girl Black? Pretty sure smoking tobacco ( but not necessarily mj) among Black teens is less of an issue then in other groups, but I’ll have to look…Before I look… without considering the legal and motivational consequences of THC… maybe… tobacco?.. No way</p>
<p>He will only quit when he feels he needs to.
I quit, it was… err… it is still extremely difficult.
There are several things that make smoking quite addictive (systematic, conditioned, of course additives) but i will not go into details.
You only live once.
Do not let something as impotent as cigarettes control your life. </p>
<p>Risk factors for smoking—and responses to intervention—differ between adolescent and adult populations:</p>
<pre><code>* Race: White teens consistently smoke more than their Hispanic and African-American counterparts
Educational goals: Students who plan to attend college have lower smoking rates than those who have no such plans
Psychiatric disorders: Attention-deficit disorder and depression have been linked to higher rates of adolescent smoking
Stress: Home and school stressors contribute to adolescent smoking tendencies
Peer pressure: Adolescents are particularly susceptible to encouragement from friends who smoke
Parental smoking: Teens whose parents use tobacco are much more likely to do so themselves
Media advertising: When advertising targeted toward adolescents was banned in 1998, teen smoking declined. There is a direct relationship between the number of exposures to advertising and teens’ abilities to recall ads
Personal beliefs: Teens are less likely to fear the long-term adverse consequences of tobacco use
</code></pre>
<p>The way I see it… “we” may make better choices abot this as teens, but if “we” take it up, as an adult, “we” are more likely to die as a result.</p>
<p>Life insurance rates have increased on your BF by 2 X + over standard rate.
When he reaches 40’s, the risk cost increases 3 X + over standard rate.</p>
<p>Correct. For all intents and purposes, you can safely assume that your BF is already addicted to nicotine. You should also assume that it will be 30 years before he quits, if it doesn’t kill him first. A pack a day, which is probably the minimum he’ll average is 7500 cigarettes a year. At today’s prices, he’ll be spending $2000 to $3000 per year on his nicotine drug addiction.</p>
<p>I would factor all that into your thinking and decide if that’s acceptable to you. You also should figure that, if you stay with him, he will do everything in his power to get you addicted to the drug, too.</p>
<p>Personally, speaking as an ex-nicotine junnkie, I wouldn’t show him any pictures of diseased lungs. I’d simply tell him that he has to choose – nicotine or you.</p>