I agree with post #78.
Tell her to buy the mother sleeping eye shades.
I am sensing the family is a little “off.” For some, negative connections with others are better than no connection at all. And some people thrive on control no matter how insignificant that control might be.
At this point I think you should send back a note telling them directly you are not altering the lighting of your home to suit their unending requests. State that installing a simple shade will resolve the issue quite easily. Keep a copy of that note.
I would also add that that their actions have now escalated to the level of harassment and you should ask them to stop contacting you.
I would be sympathetic to the request for a motion detector, especially since she offered to pay for it, but coupled with the ongoing nonsense about he kitchen and the office, it just seems like more of the same.
I really think that you and your H should write them a note saying that you are not going to stop using rooms in your own house at night, and that you suggest that they buy a blackout curtain for that bedroom if the occupant has such an aversion to light.
My husband told her we’re not changing anything. I am just ignoring them – I’ve thought about notes back to them, suggesting black-out curtains and eye shades, but decided that ignoring them is better. Most comments here have supported my instinct that their requests are a unreasonable, and knowing that, I feel pretty secure in just ignoring the whole thing. They can leave as many notes as they want, I’m not going to change.
And yes, the increasing list of demands definitely tells me that nothing I do will satisfy.
I don’t feel harassed, and there are worse neighbors to have.
There’s a block party next week (to which I am positive they are not invited). I have to decide whether to tell other people about what’s happening, or just keep it private.
Tell them - maybe they have stories/advice.
I would keep the matter private.
Perhaps you could ask the daughter if you could come over after dark and spend a little time in the mom’s room to see what it is like. A logical solution might present itself. It seems like both you and she would like to work this out.
Also, I’m not sure what good purpose it serves for the neighborhood to not invite them to things.
Agree with above. What’s the purpose of a block party if everyone is not invited? Seems mean spirited to me.
If you agree to letting them install the motion sensor, then it will be something else. They will never stop.
I agree that’s it’s harassment at this point. Keep very detailed notes about each occurrence. It might soon be time to report this to the police.
On the block party – for some reason that totally predates me and confounds me, we aren’t able to have a block party on the street – it is held in one neighbor’s backyard (let’s call her Edith). Edith decides on the guest list and sends out invites. Edith and my “crazy” neighbors are in some sort of feud (I don’t know the details), and so Edith doesn’t invite them.
This really sounds much more exciting than it is. I will add that Edith is the neighbor that the daughter was spying on by hiding in the bushes when Edith and her husband got into a fight.
HarvestMoon and Madison – talk about conflicting advice!
Wow - spying from the bushes! Edith should probably close her windows, pull her shades and turn off all interior and exterior lights when she argues with her husband (should we call him ‘Albert’?).
I agree that ignoring them is probably best.
And no way would I let them pay for anything in my yard. That just encourages the notion that they are entitled to control what you do. We’ve had disagreements with our neighbors over trees and they offered to share the cost of taking our (healthy) trees down. Just no.
You are now entering…the twilight zone…
I would think a motion sensor would be much more annoying with the constant flashing on and off of the light every time a cat or deer or whatever critters you have in your area pass by. She really needs to spend the money on black out shades for her mother’s room not a motion sensor light for your yard.
The fact that you have been pulling down the shades in the kitchen window in response to their initial complaints, but now they want the outdoor light on a motion sensor, says to me this is not about the light, but rather about control issues.
I would discontinue pulling down the shade in the kitchen and go on living in YOUR house the way YOU want to.
At first I was a little sympathetic to their situation. Now, no.
They’ve gone over the line. Enough already.
There’s probably no point suggesting blackout shades to them–they will have some rationale why that couldn’t possibly work. Just ignore them until they complain to some authority about you, like the police. The police will take your side, and then it might end.
Keep their notes written to you, and keep a log of activity when they come over and make requests. Having a neighbor or two that can testify to your crazy neighbors’ overall crazy tendencies would come in handy if any authorities are called in on this issue.
So sorry you are not able to feel comfortable living a normal existence in your own home. The only thing I would do differently is have a one or two sentence pat answer to reply to every request. Something that puts the responsibility back on them to install blackout curtains in the mom’s room. “I am sorry your mom is having trouble. I suggest you install blackout curtains in her room to alleviate her distress” I would not get into any lengthy conversation, but would just continue to repeat this same reply every time the daughter approaches you.
I am going to go hug my own neighbors and thank them for being sane!!
The neighbors could
use curtains or blackout shades or both
get Mom a sleeping mask
move the mother’s bed to another position in the room out of the light beam from the neighboring house
switch bedrooms, give the mom a bedroom on another side of the house
add mini blinds or plantation shutters that are adjustable to allow the mom to see the night sky while blocking out light coming from an angle
purchase a room partition or room screen to strategically place between the bed and window
She can’t help the light waking her. She can’t help being extremely light sensitive. The solution she proposes is very rigid and one sided, though, and the rigidity, one-sidedness, and inability to problem solve creatively is indicative of special needs.
If the neighbor can afford to pay for motion detector lights for the OP, they can afford to buy blackout blinds. We had blackout blinds when D was a baby and they work really well. I agree the neighbors are being a little nutty. At least it’s a mild kind of nutty.