<p>If your dad is going to be paying (is he?), then you should at least consider what he is asking you to do.</p>
<p>Consider what?</p>
<p>Heavenwood…you really need to have a heart to heart with your dad. You need to tell him that although he is listening to you, you don’t think he is hearing you. Look him in the eyes and tell him until he really does hear you. He is causing you alot of additional stress when what you really need is for him to help you lessen it. He is just a little bit caught up with the whole thing and doesn’t realize the effect he is having on you. Tell him…after all he wants what we all want for our kids ,for you to be happy…</p>
<p>I recall a wise prof speaking at Columbia to parents of accepted students. He urged parents, even if they were footing all or some of the bill, to let the student choose the college. He spoke in an elegant and passionate manner, but his message boiled down to, “The kid is going to live with this decision for the rest of his/her life - do you REALLY want to be the one to make that decision? Do you really want to be blamed forever for the decision if for any reason it doesn’t turn out well?”</p>
<p>I DO think parental INPUT is a good thing, some actually have a clue. The criteria, though, like major and distance from home, for example, should be the student’s, as should the final choice. I think it’s also reasonable for the parent to let the student know up front how much the family can contribute so that the student can factor in gap-filling loans when deciding. I don’t think it’s a great idea for the parent to try to control the decision process with money, though, as in, “We’ll pay for College A but not College B.” Saying, “we can contribute $20K per year,” puts things on a neutral footing.</p>
<p>I’m sure there are exceptions where more parental involvement might be a positive (say, if the student wants to follow a b/f or g/f to a poorly regarded college while turning down great acceptances), but those are few and far between.</p>
<p>There are no financial issues, I’m just afraid that my Dad will push and push until I end up going where HE wants…</p>
<p>Part of it, I think, is anger…he got rejected from Haverford College back in the day (don’t feel bad…he ended up going to Penn for both undergrad and law school). He wants me to show them up maybe…even though it’s a big reach for me. Also, he was accepted to Cornell and Hopkins. He applied to Drexel as a safety, but he was going in for biomedical engineering at the time, which Drexel is fine for. I don’t know how he operates sometimes, to tell you hte truth. He figures I’m just as good as him, but the system has changed. Here are his stats:</p>
<p>Cheltenham High School Class of 1976
3.5 UW HS GPA (only a few honors classes)
1370 SAT (770 Math, 600 Verbal)</p>
<p>Perhaps that was good enough back then, but nowadays…</p>
<p>Also, before this quarter, I coasted through must of high school…took all honors and APs, but finished with a 3.20/4.12. He would make snide remarks like “You’ll go to Penn State your first year. You’re not responsible and in case you drop out, I don’t want to waste all my money. If you do well, you can transfer…”</p>
<p>Now that my grades have gotten better, all of a sudden, it’s as if my overall GPA has become a 3.8/4.6 and I’m some sort stellar applicant…it’s insane…</p>
<p>I’d add that a parent requesting that you send apps to a college or two of his/her choosing isn’t an unreasonable request in most cases, unless you are familiar with the school and really despise it. If it’s a long shot, or a school you haven’t visited and aren’t too familiar with, I’d just humor the request. You aren’t paying the app fee, and an extra hour of effort probably isn’t too much to ask - particularly if the parent(s) will be paying tens of thousands of dollars for college.</p>
<p>Ugh Batoff. This whole thing just keeps getting crazier. I cant believe he made you apply to more schools besides Drexel. Well your dad IS a character. I’ll give you that. Dont worry about it. You’ll end up at URoch and be happy :P</p>
<p>BTW, when did you visit BU? You never told me that. You hated it? :(</p>
<p>Hmmm, legacy, I didn’t catch that before…</p>
<p>Enjoy Penn.</p>
<p>BTW, add about 80 pts. to his old SATs to compare to today’s re-centered version. And many schools may have had less grade inflation then too. And Honors/AP courses were far less prevalent.</p>
<p>Let the admission process ride. If you should get into Cornell -Haverford etc then do the heart to heart talk. Maybe bring dad to these boards and “parent to parent”, we can get him to see the light.
Hey if you get rejected to these schools, you wouldn’t have to deal with it!!
Good luck with Rochester and Tufts. You gotta visit Tufts though - it’s a quirky campus. Some kids love it- others do not. There was a whole thread on it last year. I remember it well as my kid really didn’t like the campus and wouldn’t even apply. She liked U of R alot.</p>
<p>Your Dad obviously loves you, and you want to please him. But choosing the college you want to go to is a rite of passage and important for your own personal growth and ownership of your adult life. Choosing a college so Dad can live vicariously through you, is not respecting yourself and will be a big regret in your life down the line. Further, it’s not love if he pressures you into picking a college that is not your choice.</p>
<p>Yes, he’s paying. But it’s not like the colleges you’re considering will give you a bad education. The kind of education you get is largely based on what you put into it anyway.</p>
<p>I’m a Jewish mother, and I understand the situation. My D and I often wrangle on college stuff. But in the end, I’m really so happy that she is so excited about going, that she is motivated to decide on which colleges she wishes to apply to; just like you!</p>
<p>Yeah…sorry, Jeffy. I hated the campus. Nothing against the school itself. It has fine academics and all, but, it didn’t have a college campus feel, something I want, and something BU doesn’t exactly offer.</p>
<p>And I’m not knocking my dad’s achievements or anything. I know they’re good for his time. All I’m saying, is that in today’s competitive world, he’d probably end up going to Emory (another safety of his back in the day).</p>
<p>“All I’m saying, is that in today’s competitive world, he’d probably end up going to Emory (another safety of his back in the day).”</p>
<p>You’ve presented no basis for this conclusion; 1450 is competitive for lots of selective schools now and GPA is a comparative matter.</p>
<p>For another thing, the pecking order has changed somewhat over the years. Penn was nowhere near as selective back then, relatively, as it is today. Haverford was far more selective. Here’s some average class SATs from early '70s: Haverford 1348, Cornell 1342, Johns Hopkins 1291, Penn 1273, Emory 1221.</p>
<p>I think this is some sort of game with him…now he’s saying I won’t even get into Drexel. HOW MUCH SENSE DOES THIS MAKE?</p>
<p>lol. i feel you, same thing. he’s probably trying to caution you.</p>
<p>Caution me of what? I’ll get into Drexel easy, but, as stated before, I don’t want it. Second, I’ll prevent someone who really wants to go from getting in. He just told me now that he wants an option close to home. Well, I have Muhlenberg, a SAFETY which I’ll GET INTO…man…the guy has no faith in me again…</p>
<p>Tell him you have decided that if you can’t pick the college you attend you won’t go to college, and that you plan to immediately take up residence in his basement and do nothing but collect baseball cards and watch TV.</p>
<p>Thanks. That was helpful.</p>
<p>Have you told him exactly what you feel in something close to the same way you’ve told us? To be honest I think you’re going to have a frank discussion with him about all this. Even if he’s paying it’s good to assert yourself when it comes to something this important.</p>
<p>If you’ve tried and open and honest conversation and that hasn’t worked, Northstarmom’s approach might be the way to go to avoid the colleges you don’t like. I’ll echo her in saying it’s not as weird as you might think.</p>
<p>yeah
ur dad must be crazy</p>
<p>u should beat him up…
well not really
but i dont get why he would make u apply to upenn and cornell
cause if ur dad aint the dean
u aint gettin in</p>
<p>i think u have a good chance everywhere else on ur list though except brandeis and tufts… (brandeis is liek a slight reach)</p>
<p>but yeah
beat ur dad up</p>
<p>oh
and go tell ur dad that chances are different these days</p>
<p>tell him the if u dont have a 4.0 ish and a 1450+ and great ec’s
getting accepted to an ivy is really hard</p>