<p>HUGE difference… Having family members who are in the armed forces, I can tell you that those who are there, WANT to be there. No one’s parents railroaded them into joining… To join the armed forces without thinking about the prospect of war is absurd. </p>
<p>Forcing your child to apply to and interview at schools they have no interest in is simply selfish of the parent. I apologize in advance if that offends anyone however some parents fail to realize that this is their CHILD’S life and not theirs! Everyone wants the best for their child and wants them to succeed. Sometimes we, as parents, need to trust our children a bit more and realize that in order for them to thrive, they need to be in a situation conducive for THEM, not us. </p>
<p>If the OP father forces him to go to a school that he does not want to attend, I think he should be held personally accountable for everything that happens. He needs to cut the umbilical cord… Seriously.</p>
<p>To the boys from the Main Line: When I was in HS (80’s…LOL) , I babysat for a (Jewish) Dr. and his family from the Main Line who moved to my area. I became very close to the family and often accompanied them on trips home (Narberth) and to the shore. I got a firsthand view of what you are going through right now. I really feel for you. NOTHING was ever good enough. The mother was not allowed to date anyone other than a doctor or lawyer while growing up… The father was not allowed to date outside of his sect. Unless anyone here has firsthand experience like I did, they will truly never understand…</p>
<p>JPod, yeah, I can read. I understand the thread. That’s why I said he’s sweating the “concept” rather than the actuality of going there. The Penn option won’t solidify until he gets accepted.</p>
<p>And DGIAN, yes, you’re right about the military guys all volunteering (I was in the Navy for 10 years). We all accepted the fact that bad things could happen to us. But you seem to have no conception that there are worse things in the world than one’s well-meaning father pushing one toward an Ivy League university. It sucks, yeah, but it doesn’t warrant the level of hysteria that is coming through in the posts.</p>
<p>^^^TG446-Think about how we were at that age… Seriously. My dad tried to do the same thing to me… It breaks my heart as a parent to see anyone else having to go through that! Ten years from now they will look back and realize that this was NOT the end of the world but right now they just want to be respected for making their own decisions!</p>
<p>I never said this was a tragedy. I never said this was the end of the world. I just want to make my own decision. Since money is not an issue, and, I have 100% respected my parent’s considerations concerning proximity, Judaism, and professional school placement, I think the choice should be mine.</p>
<p>Bring home the Army recruiter. Sounds like your Dad might find your college selections more apealing when there is a third alternative in the mix.</p>
<p>DGIAN, I’d agree with you if Pops was pushing the OP towards Drexel or Slippery Rock, or even Rutgers or Penn State. Reading between the lines, it looks like the father is mostly pushing Penn and Haverford. While those are a bit different from Rochester, they’re not THAT much different. I understand the situation; and I think my post #47 showed a sympathy towards both sides. The bottom line is that as long as the father is paying the bills, it would seem that he should have a voice in the final decision.</p>
<p>Still, regardless of whether it’s comparable to a triple amputation or not, it’s still losing what are supposed to be the four best years of one’s life.</p>
<p>HeavenWood, what does your mom say? Your dad can’t just ignore her opinion if she has something different to say.</p>
<p>as are you my friend…he’s financing your college apps AND your college tuition, and all you can do is not let him have you apply to a few schools HE’D like to see his daughter try to get in to, just because it would suck to ask a few more teachers for recs and a little more work
ever stop to think that he has 30+ years of experience on you, and might actually have reasons behind them that he might not want to share with you</p>
<p>Sorry…I’m just tired of explaining. It’s kind of frustrating when you’re a straight guy of typical masculinity, and everyone keeps assuming you’re female (or maybe you did notice my explanation before, and just feel like getting on my nerves…I don’t know).</p>
<p>Since I got scholarship notification from Pittsburgh yesterday (nothing serious…just the very low end of the Chancellor’s Nominee…2k/yr), I think he’s going to shut up about Drexel.</p>
<p>The other schools I didn’t have as much of an issue with. I went through them. It was just Drexel that really annoyed me.</p>
<p>It’s your name… When I see “Heaven”, I automatically think “GIRL”. You might want to consider adding MALE/ in front of Greater Phila Area on your profile so that people see it!</p>
<p>Hi Heavenwood - this is a tough situation. It’s hard trying to get a read on the situation from reading this string but I do have a few comments. </p>
<p>First, at this point your Dad has pushed you to applying to schools … while this is not my version of parent involvement I’m not sure this is where I would recommend drawing the line and pushing for your independence … your Dad is telling you that the final decision will be yours … so why not apply to his schools without complaint … it is more time and effort on your part but I’d suggest looking at the time as partial payment for the bucks your parents are going to pay for college.</p>
<p>Second, at this time he says the choice will be yours and you have lots of time before May 1st … and in that time overwhelm him with understanding and information. First understanding, try to totally understand the reasoning for the schools he wants you to apply to. For example, if he says something like “you should be close to home” … ask why? So I can visit Grandma? In case of emergnecy? Because he thinks you’re not independent enough to be far from home? etc. Then when you understand the underlying reason find a way to address his concern … for example, if his concern is your independence work out a plan for you to show increased independence over the next few months so he’ll be more comfortable when you head to school. Second information, do your research so you can provide lots of info backing up why your school selections are better for you … what are the attirbutes you want from a school (and do NOT want) … how do each of the schools to which you are applying stack up against these attributes? While he might not agree hopefully he can see why you rank your choices the way you do and will support your decision come May 1st.</p>
<p>This advice sounds reasonable enough but 2 things in your replies raise concern for me. First, that he made you apply to Penn ED … which is inconsistant with his words that you will be able to pick your school. Second, that the schools he is requiring you to apply to are the schools to which he applied … which raises the concern he is somehow reliving his life through you and not focused on what is best for you. While these are both concerns I would try addressing the situation as described earlier … keeping your options open as long as possible … and giving your self as much time as possible to pursaude your Dad before confronting him if he starts to impose a decision.</p>
<p>“Second, that the schools he is requiring you to apply to are the schools to which he applied … which raises the concern he is somehow reliving his life through you and not focused on what is best for you.”</p>
<p>Not necessarily. Seems like he thinks Heavenwood’s not stretching enough, might be able to do a bit “better” (re: prestige). So he wants to include a few reaches. Maybe those just happen to be schools he knows about that he thinks fit, because of what he did “back in the day”.</p>
<p>That most of them are also relatively close to home is not irrelevant. It means: i) he knows more about them, so more likely to think of them; ii) It’s easier getting back & forth from home. This is an actual convenience and cost factor that can be legitimately considered. Particularly since it is partly HIS convenience and cost we’re talking about here, not just Heavenwood’s. </p>
<p>My daughter’s 8 hours away and there have definitely been times when it would have been beneficial to have her closer. Both to us and to her.</p>
<p>3toGo, I agree that the red flags are the Penn ED and the schools Dad has added based on his own connections/history.</p>
<p>That said, I “forced” my daughter to visit several schools which met her criteria but which she had not looked into. One of those colleges is the one she is currently attending and LOVING. She has thanked me repeatedly for insisting that she visit. When it came down to applying, however, she selected her own list - with one exception, the university where she would get full tuition if admitted. We told her that she had to apply there. </p>
<p>The final decision was her choice. She laid out all her reasons for choosing that school in such a logical manner that, even if we had disagreed with her (we did not), we would have been swayed.</p>
<p>Once again, trying to put a better spin for Dad…</p>
<p>Penn is [these days] a humongously selective school, a good step more selective than the rest of Heavenwood’s list , or that anyone would suggest for Heavenwood, but he has the legacy card. Penn is known to hugely favor legacies. But ONLY if they apply ED.</p>
<p>So dad was motivated to play this card, not necessarily to relive old glory, but to have his son get the advantage of this added prestige (for whatever that’s worth). He knows both Penn and his son intimately and may be highly confidant that son would love it if he got in, though son does not himself realize this yet.Thinks son has the raw talent to play in that league, maybe just needs some more motivation. Or whatever.</p>
<p>Anyway that’s the good spin. Personally I wouldn’t try to force my kids to apply ED to a school they didn’t want themselves. If I could, D2 would be applying to alma mater, instead of LAC.</p>