<p>I think I will no longer respond to you xaniamom, since you are not listening to me. If you have interest in learning about the disease of addiction, please speak to a medical doctor who specializes in treating addicts and alcoholics. Perhaps you will listen to him or her. You have a lot of good people on this thread other than me who tried to hold up a mirror to you. Maybe you will listen to one of them.</p>
<p>Earswideopen,
Thanks so much for the update! It must be so encouraging to see your D appearing so well. That is great news! Hang in there–as has been said, there so many here rooting with you and we know you will emerge stronger from this challenging experience. So glad your D is getting help and appears to be making progress.
Best of luck as you continue moving forward!
Sorry, I have not managed to keep up and read all of this thread, but I have never understood any reasons to attack anyone who is working through a rough patch (“there but for the grace of [whatever higher being] go I”). We are all trying our best–sometimes more successfully than others and things happen that are often beyond our control and best intentions and attempts. The difference is how we choose to move onward/forward when confronted by ostacles in our path–giving up, moving forward, or finding new pathways, alone or together.</p>
<p>Someone up thread asked opinions from posters who have had some experience regarding the drug addict/abuser going back to the community. I might have mentioned that early on in this thread or maybe another but I think recovery is very difficult when a young addict is back in their old environment. I would think the OP would probably get the recommendation to consider a change in residence for a real chance of being away from her old drug crowd.</p>
<p>jym626-regarding post #93…Posters may have a bit tough on the poster from that other thread because he was unrealistic regarding what it takes to see a child through the trauma his daughter had been through. The fact that his daughter had not only been using drugs but was recently raped and pressing charges meant that he and his family had a long road ahead. The OP in that thread was not accepting of that information or recognizing what several posters were trying to express. He wanted his life back to pre drug and trauma days…does’nt every parent want that who has been down a difficult path with their child? It just does not happen over night or even over a 6 month period. There were many parents that were trying to tell him that he needed to talk to someone so that he could understand his daughter, and the emotional turmoil in her life, because of both drugs and being raped.</p>
<p>On the issue of “who is at fault,” I know that part of my recovery has been to refuse to consider that there is anyone other than ME who is responisible for my sobriety and, if I stumble or fail, my failures past and present.</p>
<p>IMO, an addict should avoid like the plague any trip down the “if only” or “what might have been” or “if I could do it over.” That includes searching for others to blame for what has happened to me by my actons.</p>
<p>BTW-- in raising my now college senior S (I was 5 years sober when he was born), I engaged in full disclosure on the alcohol/drugs/addiction issues including my pre-sobriety existence. To that extent, I think a parent in recovery has a responsibility to inform and educate their child on addiction issues and risks. It is still up to the child to live their life and be responsibile for the actions they take.</p>
<p>earswideopen - I just want to say I admire your spirit. Your child needs you and you’re right there for her. Know that many here wish you the best and are sending virtual good karma your way. It sounds like your daughter is mature and ready to face her problem. Between your support, and her determination to get better, the odds are totally in your favor. I do have one tiny suggestion: at some point you yourself may need some comfort in the way of counseling. Don’t neglect your own psyche. The best way you can help your daughter is by being healthy & strong yourself. And beating yourself up over a situation you may not have been able to prevent even if you knew about it will only weaken your own ability to support your child. Good luck to all of you.</p>
<p>earswideopen: another big cyberhug of support here. We had some serious problems with my stepson and ADD meds. In effect, he was abusing his own prescription drugs (extemely high dose of meds from an incompetent dr.). He just about drove me crazy and nearly ended our marriage. Now he is almost 30, successfully serving in the military as a career (stationed in another country), and married to a dear woman from that country. I would never have believed this ten years ago! I tell you this to offer a ray of hope that young adults can certainly grow and change and their upbringing as a child is not lost.</p>
<p>During that era, I had these books recommended to me by a friend of a friend, and I found them so helpful. They were written to support those in codependency programs (families of those with addiciton), but they are just supportive and helpful for anyone going through any sort of stressful time. The format is short meditations for each day, but you can just pick them up and read a page or two at any time. I kept them by my bed and read them often.</p>
<p>The Language of Letting Go
More Language of Letting Go
both by Melody Beattie</p>
<p>I think you would find them helpful on your new journey of parenting your D.</p>
<p>momma-three,</p>
<p>It is probably not wise for use to address the other thread here. I don’t see it exactly as you do, and I work in the field of mental healthcare. Lets just agree to disagree on aspects of that poster’s situation.</p>
<p>bookiemom, thanks for the book referrals. Do you think they’d be helpful for the teen daughter of an alcoholic or someone going through some painful emotional growth (non-substance issues)?</p>
<p>CD-
Melonie Beatty is the author of several books on Codependency. They are very useful books.</p>
<p>07DAD, I’m totally with you. I was 7 years clean and sober when my S was born. Everyday I’m thankful that he never had to experience my addiction directly, but he knew from a very early age that I was a recovering addict/alcoholic. We never kept that secret. Although neither of my parents were alcoholics, my gene pool on my father’s side is one sad story after another. I do believe that genetics can play a role in addiction, as can the age that the developing brain starts to receive these substances. The earlier kids start, the higher the risk of developing addictions.</p>
<p>I wanted my son to know that he probably has more chance of developing addictions than the average kid, so that he’s armed with knowledge. Now that he’s off to college, I remind him, but he must make his own choices.</p>
<p>Countingdown: yes, I do think those books would be helpful for both those cases you mention, especially for the teen D of an alcoholic. </p>
<p>There is another book by Beatty called
Journey to the Heart: Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul
that focuses more on personal growth. I haven’t read that one, but perhaps that might fit your other friend better.</p>
<p>My favorite Melody Beattie book is “52 Weeks of Conscious Contact” Meditations for Connecting with God, Self and Others.
One of my favorite chapters is called Wait and See. It has changed my way of looking at life and dealing with family members. A passage from the book- Whenever you are saying "I’ve got to know right now,"it’s a good time to wait for clarity. Sometimes life slams on the brakes. It makes us wait and tries to show us whatever we’re not seeing now.</p>
<p>Addiction is a brain disease, about which researchers are learning more all of the time. Addicts should not be blamed for having their diseases any more than (as someone said above) a diabetic should be blamed for his or her disease or someone with ALS should be blamed. Yes, an addict can be held accountable for the behaviors and choices he or she makes because of the disease, but not for having the disease itself. I come from a family of four children (all raised in the same family, the same way) and three of us are fine and one has been abusing drugs and alcohol since the age of 14. He is now in his mid 40s. No one in the world can convince me that my brother’s disease is caused by something my parents did or did not do.</p>
<p>jym626…Agree to disagree. I responded to your post and would not have posted a comment had that not appeared.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Wow, I guess to those of us who are in the process of and/or seek recovery, this may not make a lot of difference.</p>
<p>Addiction to sex, gambling, pornography, drugs and/or alcohol. That’s a lot of diseases.</p>
<p>If it hasn’t been mentioned earlier, I’d suggest reading “Beautiful Boy” by David Sheff. Reading about someone else’s woes may seem a little daunting right now, but OP might find some connection and solace with it. A quick read, Beautiful Boy combines the addiction story of David’s son, Nic, with a substantial amount of research on addiction, rehab centers and the impact addiction has on families. </p>
<p>Thoughts are with you and every family who has ever had to deal with addiction.</p>
<p>Might be a good idea to steer clear of Nic’s companion book, Tweak, right now, though. Not want any parent wants to face.</p>
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<p>I’ve never done “drugs” (I’m assuming that you’re talking about illegal drugs and abuse of legal ones). I don’t have any friends who has done “drugs”. It’s amazing that you know so many people who have done drugs as the percentage is a lot lower than 100%. </p>
<p>I’m also skeptical about “most did not become addicts”. Most illegal drugs are designed to be addictive. The drug dealers will never make money drugs without any addictive features. There’s a book about brain plasticity that talks about how drugs affect the dopamine (I might be wrong) receptors of the brain. </p>
<p>However, I do people who are addicted to computer games (although they do not admit doing so, despite having no life). I was addicted to computer games and porn, although I was able to overcome them after completely cutting them off (I had withdrawl symptoms). Although, I would say that gaming addiction is worse than drug addiction. It costs time and money to play games. It only costs money to take drugs. Although, neither is good.</p>
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</p>
<p>You have GOT to be kidding me.</p>
<p>^
You can still work minimum wage (summer) jobs while taking drugs. I’ve known people who work at McDonalds with weed in their body. There’s no way for a person to play video games and work at the same time.</p>