<p>Wishing you and your family all the best. When your d is ready to look into afterschool activities, I wonder if an activity in the arts might be particularly helpful-art, theater or dance, in addition to a sports team? You seem to have a really brave daughter to ask for help and are a brave family!</p>
<p>“Addiction is a brain disease”
07DAD
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<p>It matters a lot when it comes to the fair and equitable treatment of those suffering from the disease of addiction (something I hope to see in my lifetime). It also makes a world of difference when it comes to insurance parity, or getting access to research dollars. Knowledge is power. Having a courageous hero like Patrick Kennedy in the fight helps as well.</p>
<p>I believe, BTW, that all the addictions you mentioned originate in the same part of the brain. Same disease, different manifestations.</p>
<p>I have read articles on “the business of addiction treatment.” I see the competitive ads on TV that tout if “X” program has failed, we really, really have a program that can address your addiction. I have also read several of the “it is,” and “it isn’t” a brain disease articles.</p>
<p>My point is that, through it all, there is the person struggling with an addiction trying to get better one day at a time. And there are that person’s family and/or love ones. I read OP to be seeking practical guidance.</p>
<p>I hear you, but I think grasping that this is a real disease (according to the medical community) can be invaluable to loved ones. It is helpful to understand that addiction is a disease when tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars are being spent on treatment. It is important to remember it if the loved one relapses, since relapse is a hallmark of addiction (not a destiny, just a chronic danger). It is extremely useful to remember that addiction is a disease, and to be educated to some extent on the science, in order to properly support someone you love. It’s a great tool to keep family members’ heads screwed on straight, at the outset of recovery and as time goes on. This is why every major treatment center I am familiar with (and I am familiar with a number of them all across the country) educates clients and families about the science behind the disease of addiction. It has huge practical value.</p>
<p>I do also agree 100% with you that “through it all, there is the person struggling with an addiction trying to get better one day at a time”. Also agree with your point about the “business of addiction”. I believe in the 12 Steps because I have seen them work in many people’s lives. I have seen miracles. I think the best treatment centers out there are 12 Step based.</p>
<p>Spidey and 07dad, I think you both make excellent points. Thank you for sharing your perspectives. 07dad (and the other dad who posted here, also in recovery), just wanted to say my hat’s off to you and I wish you all the best.</p>
<p>momofsongbird–it is funny you tip your hat to me today. Today is my 27th anniversary of sobriety. D-day, December 7th. It is its own reward.</p>
<p>If the other poster in recovery you are referring to is bopambo, I’m pretty sure that bopambo is a she/mom. It is telling that we both feel so grateful that our children did not know us in our time of utter dispair. At least for me, I know what it is like to discover as a child that your parent really is not capable of being “there for you” due to an addiction. That is part of my commitment to myself. I choose not to ever be a “man” who could cause such pain to an innocent.</p>
<p>I will acknowledge that for those upon whom our addictions have done collateral damage, it may well “help” to know of the origin of the addiction. If that helps the people I have hurt, then I am all for it.</p>
<p>All I know for myself is that (1) *** I*** am the addict and (2) it is up to me to accept my responsibility and stay the course of sobriety. </p>
<p>As a parent and an addict in recovey, I can imagine what OP may be going through, but I truly thank God that (so far) I have “only” been the addict. As spideygirl pointed out so accurately earlier, a lot of assisting an addict is conduct that is counterintuitive.</p>
<p>I know a woman who ultimately cut her son (at age 19) out of her life “unless and until.” He lived on the street until he found the strength to start a change. He is now 23. As she has told me, it will never be the same, but at the point she reached it was a decision whether her son’s addicition would take two lives, or perhaps only one. So far, it has taken none, but tomorrow is always another day.</p>
<p>07DAD
Just incredible! Thank God for every single day, in every one of those years! Here’s to the next 27!</p>
<p>Just because addiction is a brain disease doesn’t mean it is not treatable. The “cure” is recovery and staying away, completely, from the substances (or in the case of gambling, activity) that trigger the disease.</p>
<p>07DAD, Happy Birthday! You and Spideygirl are so eloquent, you’ve given me a full dose of gratitude for what I sometimes take for granted. Yes, I’m a she/mom, who was capable of some pretty unladylike behavior in the old days. Now people just think I’m a mild mannered old lady. Miracles never cease.</p>
<p>07Dad, I have always liked and admired your posts. Your willingness to share your journey means a great deal to those facing addictions directly as well as to those trying to help others who are dealing with a family member who has not yet hit bottom.</p>
<p>Congrats, and may you have many more years of healthy, sober living.</p>
<p>bopambo–if I recall, you are 25 years sober. No slouch there!</p>
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<p>LOL, if there is such a thing as an addiction “silver lining,” it is that there is very little misbehavior that can shock you. </p>
<p>At age 60, I do feel sometime that I am incognito when I hear someone seriously tisk, tisking some conduct to me. One time I started to try and calculate the length of the sentence I would have received if I had gotten caught for everything during the lost 20 years. I know I would be writing this from behind bars.</p>
<p>I have a dear female friend within 3 years of my age who has been in recovery 14 years. Me thinks the description “unladylike” probably covers a multitude of sins. I smile and think “little do they know.”</p>
<p>Thanks, Countingdown.</p>
<p>It gives one perspective doesn’t it? I realize I could be in jail or dead. My best friend from high school and college has finally reached the program and put together some great years clean and sober. We can get together and marvel at our exploits, sometimes the stories are pretty darn funny, sometimes just pathetic. Makes us both realize we don’t want to go back there.</p>
<p>I wish all of you the best, there’s good stuff on this thread. I’m now going to sign off because I realize I’m becoming addicted to College Confidential. Gotta go to work.</p>
<p>I applaud your sobriety, bojambo and 07dad. My mother-in-law tried 12 times in residential treatment to get sober; she also had bipolar disorder, which didn’t help. She died almost twenty years ago in a single-vehicle car accident; I know from first-hand experience how devastating alcoholism can be for a family.</p>
<p>I’m back to once again thank all of the generous posters here on cc. Over the past two weeks I have often thought about your stories and advice and they have helped more than you might imagine.<br>
D was released from inpatient treatment after only 6 days. We weren’t expecting this, but after discussing with her therapist we agreed. On her first day out we found a wonderful “intensive outpatient” program which meets 3 nights a week and requires at least one 12 step meeting per week as well.<br>
D’s attitude has been overall very good. She expresses frustration because she believes that since SHE is the one who came forward and made the decision to stop using drugs we should be more trusting. I point out to her that you can’t admit to lying to your parents for over a year and not expect consequences. She also feel left out as she is trying to reconnect with her old, true friends and it is slow going. She is back at school - it is exam time - and this has been an added stress as she feels like everyone is staring at her.
D has no access to a car, very limited hone privileges, and for now can only go out with family. Dad takes her to school, I pick her up and bring her back to work with me until it’s time to go home. We are coming up with a list of goals and expectations which must be met to start adding privileges.<br>
I have to say, I feel like we are making progress but very, very slowly. It’s like we are climbing a mile high staircase and some days we might make it up one step, on others we’ll climb two, but still we are climbing.
Thank you all for the encouragement and inspiration. I have shared many of your posts with the whole family.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. Glad to hear that things are moving forward. It is hard enough being 16 and female and feeling socially comfortable in HS without adding in the feeling that everyone knows what you have done.
Good luck to all of you.</p>
<p>Great to hear the positive news. Hang in there. One step at a time. You’re doing the right thing and should be very proud of yourself for that. Take care of yourself too (I know - easier said than done.)</p>
<p>Good luck to you! It sounds like you’re on the right path.</p>
<p>One day at a time…
Good luck. You are onrthe right path!</p>
<p>I wanted to check in and update the supportive CC community and offer some hard earned advice. My daughter has worked hard the last 8 months. She finished her junior year with a high C average which was pretty remarkable considering -
Just two months ago D was diagnosed with clinical depression. Now, I’ve always been one of those -pull yourself up by the bootstraps, buck up, stop whining, people. BUT depression is real. How could I not have seen it? d hid it behind chatter and false smiles. She is currently hospitalized to try to adjust her meds and correct the brain chemistry that leaves her apathetic. As she put it just before we decided to hospitalize again - “I just can’t get excited about anything in my life” - she is 17. She should be excited about everything, not daydreaming about suicide.<br>
Parents - if you have ANY hint whatsoever that your kid is depressed please, please contact a professional. Our DR has decided that the depression preceded D’s drug use and likely led to it. She has faltered twice, both times she was self medicating under stress.
I also want to say that NA is a good thing - you don’t have to be religious to benefit. A solid support group is crucial.<br>
Now, everybody go hug your kids.</p>
<p>I missed this when you first posted. Want to tell you that my heart is with you, and I hope all goes well with your DD. It is a rough time for kids when they are in those young adult years.</p>