As a student–class of 2017, a year younger than your daughter–I want to say that it’s great that you’re proactive and only wish the best for your daughter. I know that if I were in your daughter’s situation, I would want my mom to handle the situation as you did. I wish you and your daughter best of luck!
Good for you for getting her help. Solid CBT can give her the tools she needs as she looks to the future. While it is not good that this happened, it is good that it happened while she was still at home with your watchful eyes and available resources. With the right tools she is going to go a long way.
Sorry you are going through this… so stressful for all of you. Have you ever had her tested for learning disabilities? Some students who are very bright have disabilities as well, which can manifest as executive functioning issues among other things, and those difficulties can get tied in with anxiety. I know kids who have meltdowns when they are feeling stressed about things that “hit” on their disability hot buttons (the things they struggle with). Maybe this is not part of what you are seeing, but just wondering if you have ever had her checked out. Students can be very high functioning most of the time, but still have underlying disabilities.
@intparent, no we have not - but part of my wanting her to see someone a few months ago was to check into this and have her tested. I suspect an executive functioning disorder may be part of the problem. I could be wrong, but I want her tested.
Plan to ask about it on Thursday.
So sorry your family is struggling with this. Did you ever see www.transitionyear.org?
So many students now have difficulties with severe anxiety in college. It’s hard for them to work around the condition to pass classes because it directly stops them from attending class, speaking with the profs, and doing the coursework/homework. And those are the core activities of life at school (ignoring the social aspects at the moment).
Treatment is key along with your child finding her agency as a student again before college. A gap year sounds very prudent to give her space for that, for healing, for learning to manage.
In a gap year, she could continue to explore her interests and prepare for that eventuaI career. It helps to know Excel, social media communications, event planning and mangement, fundraising and grantwriting, meeting management, retail, other sales, along with education and training functions (all steps toward museum/cultural work). Lots to choose from. Volunteering, attending community college (explore articulation agreements?), and self-study are routes toward that goal. When she’s ready.
A full neuropsych evaluation can help identify any masked LDs and other challenges. Folks above have mentioned this and you are already working with experienced caregivers, it sounds.
Try not to be afraid. A lot of our families have walked this path ahead of you and there is hope. Yes, a lot of pain. But also healing and health.
Just want to send you hugs and good thoughts. I think it’s wonderful that your daughter felt comfortable enough to tell you just how bad the anxiety is, and that you listened and took steps to help her. Just take one day at a time and see where it leads… college will be there in a year or two if it turns out that she needs to take some time off.
^ What intparent said…Students can be high functioning…but undiagnosed learning disabilities (ADD/ADHD/EF) can come to a head in senior high. Bright kids can sail along, masking disabilities in earlier years, but as academic loads and social demands become more intense, the facade starts to crumble and anxiety and social withdrawals often increase. Your D is lucky to have your support…and hugs to you.
Hugs to you, but well done for getting her help. My D has anxiety and depression issues and has had counseling (off and on) since junior high. She’s in grad school now and can recognize when she is starting to struggle and uses the campus mental health services. I’m very proud of her, but it’s so hard to see your child struggle - especially when they are thousands of miles away and you can’t even hug them. I think the idea of a nearby school is good, but let your child make the decision. Once mine decided that she wanted to go to a distant college, we were able to put a plan in place for her support. A few bumps in the road but overall we’ve had success.
No advice, but keeping you in my thoughts. Hugs.
Not sure anyone has suggested, or if you have already had her evaluated for ADHD/EFC, but if not I suggest you call her GC and request they do an evaluation. AT least in MA, the school is required by law to pay for this. It could be costly if you do not have it done while she is still in HS. Best of luck!
When my d was this age she started having unexplained moods, fears and actual panic attacks. It was frightening. Dr. was referring her to psychologists etc. Saw a gyn dr. for the first time after a year… The gyn sent her to endocrinologist who discovered she had severe PCOS.
So get a physical. See an endo just for a check up. Rule out physical issues too.
Hang in there and good luck to you both. As many have experienced it is heartbreaking to see your child suffer.
Sincerely sorry that ya’ll are struggling right now. Such wonderful words of wisdom here. It seems you have taken exactly the right course of action. Please know that you have our support. May today dawn brighter.
@BeeDAre I’m so sorry that your D is going through this but I know you are making her feel safe and loved by getting her the help she needs. Sadly, many kids struggling cannot count on that. She is very lucky to have you. If it makes you feel any better, in the past week I’ve heard of two HS seniors in our community who have been going through similar issues that came to a head just as your daughter’s symptoms became unbearable to her. You may feel alone in this parenting challenge, but you are not.
It’s very early in the therapeutic process, but I know that the tools she will learn in her treatment will be valuable to her for a lifetime. Best of luck and please keep us posted. Big hugs to you, your DH and DD.
Just wanted to say I can relate to many aspects of your situation with my S16. I am sorry as I know it’s so hard to see your wonderful, bright child overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. Maybe towards the end of her program, you could ask for some family sessions to start or help navigate the discussion about college? Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
OP, anxiety and depression issues often surface in the teen years, so you and your daughter are definitely not alone. I’m so glad she had the wherewithalll to let you know she needed help right away - I think that’s a very positive sign. She’s lucky that she has a mom who is listening to her.
I would not make any decisions yet about what to do next year. See how she does with the therapy and go from there. Best of luck to the both of you.
@BeeDAre Hugs to you and your D as you navigate this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your story - I think a lot of us can relate to what your family is going though. I’m starting to see signs of “stress fractures” in my own D17 this past month as the grind of all these years of achievement and academic focus are beginning to wear on her. After reading your account now, I’ve decided my D and I should probably do some kind of “state of the union” assessment for her this weekend to make sure she’s really okay with everything that’s on her plate.
And kudos to you for being so responsive to your D’s needs and I hope it all resolves to where she’s in a better place soon!
More hugs! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be glad your D was able to ask for help and that you were there to get it for her. That doesn’t happen in all families. One day at a time.
Wow Bee! You just gave me a spooky look into the future of my 8th grader. Thank you so much for sharing your family’s story, I am sending you an e-hug and wish you didn’t have to go through any of it. I was thinking of looking for a therapist for my D, but after reading your post, I have put thought to action and am actively pursuing it, so thank you for the wake-up call. Your D is very fortunate to have such a supportive and loving family, as well as the courage to ask for help.
glad you were able to get help in a timely fashion–its often the most difficult part. i hope she gets some much needed relief and new tools to help her cope.
i just wanted to add that i find it enormously helpful to keep a log to look for patterns/triggers. it doesnt have to be elaborate, in fact for me, a word or two jotted in a day planner is very useful—could be anything from mood/food eaten/fight with friend/didnt sleep enough/pms–whatever. it goes a long way to jogging your memory when you are trying to come up with specific examples to paint an accurate picture of the situation. maybe its just me, but you’d THINK you wouldnt forget (whatever); its amazing how your memory fades when suddenly someone wants details, especially when you are worried about someone you love.
big hugs to both of you–one day at a time.
And I hesitate to add that at some point later on you may look in the past and wonder why you couldn’t see it and take action before now . Don’t do it looking to lay blame somewhere. Nobody is to blame–not your D, not you, not your H. Only look forward and be proactive as you are now.
And thanks for sharing your story. It wasn’t long–it was informative. It will probably touch many more people than you realize.