<p>Im dating Lisa. Her GPA and SAT scores are abysmal. Thats irrelevant, but this is CC so I thought you guys would want to know :)</p>
<pre><code>The problem Im having is with Lisas mom (LM). For the life of me, I cannot figure out LM. She is extremely overprotective. She is still very afraid that her 17 year old daughter will be kidnapped (and she lives in a very nice neighborhood.) She will not allow me to drive her anywhere. For the most part, her 19 year old brother follows us around on dates. Lisa was homeschooled until 6th grade due to this overprotectiveness and need for control (this is also what destroyed any potential she once had in math and negatively affected her social skills.)
LM utilizes emotional warfare as her primary parenting tactic. Whenever Lisa does something she doesnt approve of, she will say some hurtful things, which Lisa is amazingly receptive to. By amazingly receptive, I mean that she *ing cries and submits, every time. Once, this even caused her to attempt suicide. While thats disgusting in its own right, its even more despicable when she uses it. She does it when Lisa talks to me too much, saying that she shouldnt get too hot and heavy ( does that mean?) and that shes neglecting her responsibility as a daughter and sister by not hanging out with the family 247 (who treat her like ****). Summer started a few weeks ago, and LM told Lisa that she didnt want her to see me more than 2 times a week (even though neither of us are doing anything). Recently, LM has taken Lisas phone (and other communication devices) and will only give it to her for about an hour for which we can talk per day.
All of this ******** aside, Im just trying to figure LM out. Does she just hate me? I am much more respectable and nice than her previous boyfriends and both Lisa and LM say that LM likes me. Does she not want her daughter to date anyone? She has a sister who is 22 and still lives at home she is emotionally crippled and antisocial, likely by her mother. Is she just insane?
All prejudices aside, LM is very Spanish (grew up in Puerto Rico) and very Catholic (works for the Church hasnt missed a service in years.)
What are LMs motives? And more importantly, once I find that out, what can I or Lisa do about it?
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<p>PS - If you would like any additional details, just ask. Thank you for any help. This has been really bothering me and I don’t have any friends I feel comfortable telling this stuff to. </p>
<p>Wow, LM is way too protective and rude! I would say that she just wants to stay in control of everything around her. She probably has nothing against you but is just too overprotective to allow you to get too close to her daughter. Lisa could perhaps talk to her mom and compromise with her. Or, when her brother is following you around on dates, try and compromise with him. Let him know where you are going and say that if anything is wrong, Lisa will give him a call ( this is assuming that the brother is a reasonable person) Hope this helps!</p>
<p>Thanks Crimson. Lisa can’t really talk to her mom because her mom makes it personal and she starts crying. However, I was friends with her brother before we started dating and we are still somewhat close so I guess I could try to get him to help. Thank you.</p>
<p>Sounds like a whole bunch of different motives, etc are fueling LM’s actions. One of which may be that if you two have nothing to do other than hang out with each other, you guys might “experiment,” if you know what I mean.</p>
<p>Fallen: Lisa is against all that stuff and has let her mom know this loud and clear lol. I’ve also done my best to be as hands-off as possible when the family is around. Nevertheless, knowing her mom’s level of paranoia and lack of reason, it could still be possible that it is a concern for her. How do you think I should help alleviate this possible concern?</p>
<p>Sometimes, you have to stand up for what’s right. You might have to confront Lisa’s mom. At risk of Lisa’s reaction, you should inform her, because she’s the one suffering.</p>
<p>If you feel that what LM is doing is wrong, then stand up for what’s right and talk to LM about it.</p>
<p>MIT: I would absolutely love to do that. In fact, many times before I’ve had to hold myself back from doing so. The problems are:</p>
<p>1) I really don’t know if it would help.
2) I don’t know if it’s my place to do that, or whether I should just try to spur Lisa to do so.
3) Is it worth it to risk the relationship to stand up to her mom?</p>
<p>If you feel Lisa is clearly being mistreated(my opinion it’s a form of abuse), then do so.</p>
<p>Also, I hate to say it this way, but if you care about Lisa, then you’ll do what’s right for her.
Sometimes you have to look beyond the relationship and your place. Based on what you told me, she’s being mistreated, and she won’t stand up for herself.</p>
<p>MIT and Esth - Yeah, it didn’t really strike me as that until she told me about the suicide attempt. Actually, it was 2 suicide attempts and one incident of cutting. It really does bother me…and if I was positive that it would help, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But I’m afraid that she’ll blow it off as me being an ignorant white kid and completely ignore it. After that, she hates me and we’re essentially forced to break up. And at that point, Lisa has few people to vent to or support her (she’s not exactly the most social person.)</p>
<p>Okay now this is clearly abuse. It’s bad to be a bystander, but since you really don’t want to jeopardize your relationship, try to convince her to talk with a counselor or somebody. And have them intervene.</p>