I am so sad and upset. My DS2 is one of those sons that is just a joy and everyone likes. Sweet, kind, thoughtful and loyal. He has ADHD and has struggled in school, works very hard and is succeeding. He didn’t get admitted to the state flagship, but was admitted to their bridge program with the community college. He lives on campus, but goes to the CC for classes. If he meets the first milestone, he is automatically admitted. The kids have 2 more semesters after that yo try to complete the program and matriculate on. About 40% make it after the first semester and the rest after the 2nd one.
Because academics have always been tougher for him, he has worked his butt off his first semester and looks like he will get admitted. I just love this kid for many reasons, so do others.
He called today. He was at his dorm over the weekend and a police officer was there because pot was being smoked thtoughout. He got asked outside if there was pot in his room and he didn’t lie…he knows you don’t lie to a police officer. Nth ey want to his room and he had about $20 worth. He gave him a summons to appear.
He could get kicked out of this program. They have a zero tolerance policy…but they let it slide for one kid at the beginning of the year that was drunk, and resisted arrest.
His Dad wasn’t to sympathetic on the phone. We have been telling him on a consistent basis not to be that kid…be smart, don’t do it. Don’t risk this.
We won’t probably know until this week. He gets along really well with the RA, who I hope will put in a hoos word.
So now we have this whole heartbreaking threat, plus the whole pot issue to deal with.
It’s easy to be critical of him…but if you knew him you would feel bad too.
Sorry your son is going through this. I didn’t realize some schools were so strict. Are police often on campus or is this school police? If they were this strict at my kids’ colleges about weed and underage drinking, easily 80% of the students wouldn’t be there.
I feel sorry reading your story. I am sure it is hard on you and that your son also feels sad and upset. These are mistakes of youth that should mean nothing. It just seems there are more important rule violations to concern ourselves with than this. I have known other terrific kids caught up in similar situations, and honestly these are warm, fun, friendly bright kids with loving, caring parents. Kids experiment. We have criminalized the experimentation instead of criminal acts resulting from it (ie violence or theft). It is very unfortunate. Really hope your son just gets a “slap on the wrist” and nothing more.
Your son’s school should have a written disciplinary policy that indicates what the process is for this situation. Find it as quickly as you can and read it. If part of the process is a meeting, your son should go. He should be apologetic and he should explain what he is going to do so that this never happens again. If treatment is suggested, he should agree to that. If it’s not suggested, he should say that he plans to get some kind of treatment. If you or your husband can participate in the meeting, do so.
@amarylandmom …I have never heard it put like that about experimentation vs. criminal acts…I like that.
Thanks everyone. I’ve never been one to put my head in the sand. I know he drinks, but I didn’t know if he smoked pot…but I was a college student too, so expected he had. Ni don’t think much…but it only takes once to get caught.
This maybe a big deal at his work for whatever reason, but as a parent, I can’t get too worked up over $20 of pot. I would do whatever you have to do to get your son off. I wouldn’t let him handle it by himself.
Hoping it works out for him, and it that this will just be a “learning experience.” It is disappointing when kids take risks that you’ve warned them not to take.
This type of thing happens to many many many students. Usually the school isn’t too happy with him and they might slap his wrist, but they don’t want him to fail in his program any more than you do.
I also advise getting a local attorney who deals with these situations – I guarantee you there’s someone around wh handles students at your son’s school frequently and is familiar with what the school’s process is as well as the official legal process.
I’ve been there with one of my kids. It was scary going through it at the time but if you get a helpful attorney it can be mitigated.
Similar experience with my S1 in his freshman year at big state u. Caught with alcohol in the dorm. S1 was on a full scholarship (ROTC). He always wanted to be a military officer. We were so afraid he would lose his scholarship and his dream career. We got a lawyer. It was the best decision we could have made. The lawyer handled every thing.
S1 had to complete an alcohol education class (given on campus…full class every month from what I heard). He moved out of the dorm at the end of freshman year and shared an apt. with 3 friends which turned out to be less expensive than the dorm and less worries.
That was 10 years ago. S1 graduated with honors and is now a naval officer.
Agree with the poster who said to find out immediately what the school’s written policy and discipline process is. Even though the school says is it zero-tolerant, there is likely a progressive discipline system in place, where first and/or minor offenses are handled differently than repeated or more serious offenses. Also, if, as you stated, another person managed to avoid expulsion for a somewhat similar situation, I definitely would argue to the school that they are not applying their rules consistently, and if that kid somehow got a pass,my kid should too
Have your son arrange a consultation with a local attorney. A summons to appear for $20 worth of marijuana may be a infraction rather than a misdemeanor – it depends on local laws. In many states there are diversion programs for first offenders where charges are suspended and then dismissed- so there’s no record of conviction. But obviously you and your son need to find out from an attorney exactly what is at stake on the legal end.
And I’d just add - it’s too late now, but your son was not obligated to answer the police officer’s question when he asked about the warrant. It is not a “lie” to refuse to answer questions - if your son was not in the room at the time, and simply had said, “I’m sorry, I’m not going to answer your questions” – there is nothing the police could have done. And of course he did not have to give the police permission to enter or search his dorm room.
Again, too late for your son, but maybe other parents reading this will think to have the “know your rights” talk with their kids before something like this comes up.
I don’t know what state he is in, but this might be a charge that will affect his ability to get federal loans for a year. This happened to a friend’s son just for a possession charge. Please get a lawyer ASAP - she did and was able to get the charges reduced to a charge that did not endanger his federal loans.
I also think it’s silly to criminalize this. Kids experiment, it’s NBD. It’s going to be legal in most states soon anyway. I agree with others who have said that resources would be better spent elsewhere.
Get a lawyer. I think I know your state (could be wrong) so know the bridge program and the schools involved. Are you dealing with 2 universities and their rules regarding this, or just the flagship campus where he lives? The handbooks for both schools should give additional details, but legal advice from someone familiar with the situation and area would be money very well spent, IMO. So sorry you are having to deal with this. Best wishes in having it resolved successfully.
I’m not sure about the philosophy of, “Don’t lie to a police officer”. I thought it was more like, “Don’t incriminate yourself in front of a police officer”. Don’t lie in court, but I do believe you have no legal obligation to admit anything to a police officer. If you feel you must always be honest, then I guess you must never do anything that remotely skirts the law.
I also am not a fan of zero tolerance, and completely agree with getting a lawyer!!
Enough folks have already emphasized the need for an attorney. In the future, if there ever is one, the answer to the question might need to be a non-committal “I am not sure; I don’t recall”.