My husband also can’t remember — memory has definitely worsened due to age, radiation and side effects of medications. I try to remember and he’s happy that I help remind him and between us we are able to get him the care he needs.
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My husband is really good keeping up on his various medical stuff independently. So much so that I worry about emergencies, especially now that our beloved long time PCP is retired. We’ve agreed that it makes sense for him to carry a card in his wallet listing his meds. I think it also has doctor names but will verify.
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My H will be having his 3rd new internist this year! Prior to this year, he had the same internist for decades. Because of the new internists, hes switching most of his care to the medical system I’m in. I switched to them because my lung doc in the system is MUCH better than any other lung doc I’ve found in our state and got him to refer me to his internist. Have been seeing them since 2016.
H’s urologist is also retiring, but his radiation oncologist said he’d be willing to take over his care, as it primarily relates to his prostate cancer and we really like him and he has 8 year old twins so plans to keep working.
We will he having a 1st visit with H’s geriatrician in a few weeks. There’s just a lot of side effects from his cancer, radiation and hormone suppression and we’d like help managing everything.
Wishing everyone the best in navigating this fraught aging process. It really is a fulltime job, especially when there are issues with Medicare and/or insurer.
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I am in the minority here. I would wait to see if this happens again. Chances are the flu, fever and medication combo were responsible. Seeing a doctor will result in going down a rabbit hole of testing. My view comes from a lot of experience with the medical system and having a kid with epilepsy. A CT scan or MRI could be done, and EEG at hospital or home, but there is no evidence yet that any of that is needed, and it is unlikely that an EEG would catch anything. If there is a longer term problem it will become apparent and effective diagnostic testing will be clearer. This does not sound like a TIA to a lay person like me, but maybe some disagree.
Maybe the ideal is to tell the PCP but discuss waiting for testing, to see if anything else develops.
If the husband wants to go to MD, great, but he is competent and within the relationship, @conmama is honoring his autonomy and showing trust.
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My mom’s doctors are not that strict with confidentiality with me and my sister. We’ll get on my mom’s mychart and ask her doctors directly about my mom’s conditions and they would reply. We also have the same PCP. during my visits, the doctor would ask me how my mom is doing with her pacemaker and I would ask her if my mom should be concerned about certain issues.
When my mom had to have a pacemaker put in, it came about because I read her heart monitor results which came in over the weekend. I texted/called her PCP and cardiologist to see if we should be concerned. It was then the cardiologist read the results and told us to go to the emergency room.
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It’s likely that at some time she signed a HIPAA release allowing you and sister to communicate with medical personnel about her condition, just as many do with college-age young-adult children.
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I have two family members with MS. One waited years for a diagnosis (was treated for various random things up until a seizure, then finally a spinal tap and a conclusive diagnosis); the other had the seizure early on after the onset of other symptoms and was diagnosed immediately. I have no idea what OP’s husband has, experienced, etc. but for some medications, starting immediately is the key to a long period of health, other than the inconvenience of whichever medication or biologic gets prescribed.
Sure, it might just have been a brief fainting spell due to dehydration. or not.
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You might have had something conclusive had your DH gone to the ER immediately, but that ship had sailed. At this point – if he’s feeling better and on the mend from flu – I’m going to join the “address it at the scheduled doctor appointment “ minority.
I would make him promise to bring it up so his doc can follow up and connect the dots as necessary AND to ask what he should do if it happens again. I think clarity on the latter might be really helpful. As in, is fainting alone a concern? What about convulsions with it? Does how long I am “out” matter? Should I make sure I have smelling salts handy or should I just come to on my own? What makes a fainting spell ER worthy? Should I call you?
This should be good ammo for you too, @conmama . I know how challenging it can be to argue about this with someone– there’s everything from cost, fear, to autonomy over one’s body in the mix – so this may deescalate it a bit. GL to both of you.
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This could be so many things. My brother has a condition that he has a lot of trouble with iron deficiency - not really related to anything else but this became something “new” in his 60’s and while he is on supplements he has also been bad at times about taking them (“I haven’t had trouble in a while - I don’t know if I need the meds” Um, you haven’t had trouble cause the meds have been doing their job!). He had a couple of bad incidents out of the blue with this. Like a seizure and out for a minute - I think he also lost some urinary control in that moment. One incident he was out on the ocean on his boat (!) - luckily his wife was there. He has had to have some transfusions.
Point being, some good labs (such as simple thing to do!) might also show any irregularities. If he hasn’t had any lately I would encourage him to ask his doc for a thorough lab work up at his appt. Would he let you accompany him to the appt - even be in the waiting room - which might make him more accountable to follow through with asking??
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Medical professionals can’t tell you any of his health info without his permission, but they CAN listen to your concerns without comment. So you can call the office and ask to speak to the nurse and tell the nurse everything that happened.
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It’s a good idea to know the providers that your spouse sees. My husband should know the name of my internist but I doubt he could name her. He does know my daughter sees the same Dr so he could figure it out.
I have a sibling with a lot of medical issues. She has given her primary Dr plus a few other specialists permission to talk with me.
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I have to sign updated HIPAA paperwork annually for my doctors, and I always include both my H & my D as authorized persons for my doctors to speak with about my health.
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Just saw this threat and wanted to say thinking of you, @conmama! 
I understand the delicate dance with a spouse who wants their own healthcare autonomy - and a partner’s valid concerns. It’s a process, and not always easy. Good luck with your husband’s care!
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Thank you!
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Sometimes you go to the Dr because you’re doing it because someone in your family is concerned. I’ve got an appointment this afternoon at Urgent Care which I don’t feel I need. My husband and daughter are concerned about a respiratory infection that is lingering. We have a plane ride and sailing trip coming up and they would be more comfortable if I have my chest listened to.
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Thank you @conmama, hope your DH is feeling better.
I have learned so much from this thread. It is a wake up call, like a fire drill.
Yes, we are all aging, as are our loved ones. We need to have them collaborate with us and work with their healthcare professionals instead of just “shaking things off,” and deciding everything’s “fine” when honestly it isn’t!
I’m relieved that H is now happy when I drive and we go to his medical appts together. He has a hard time remembering Qs & As. Between us we manage well.
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I hope your husband is feeling better and you are able to convince him to go in for a follow up.
Regarding the medication theory - my friend was recently in the ER for a cardiac issue and had been given meds to bring her blood pressure down. It ended up going too low and she also started to convulse. Prior to comments on this thread and hearing what happened to her, I was unaware that could happen.
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As hard as it must be, he is doing the right thing to allow you to help him.
My SIL has been in treatment for breast cancer for the entire calendar year. She is ADHD to start with, and everything she has been through has made her completely unable to think straight. She doesn’t ask questions about her treatments or her health. Unfortunately, her H is not helpful … I mean, he helps, but he has his own issues that seem to prevent him from asking questions or assisting his wife in meaningful ways. It’s like watching a couple kids deal with adult issues. For example, neither of them was paying attention to her discharge instructions after surgery, and neither thought to take the written instructions out of her bag (they didn’t realize that there were any instructions) - and she ended up with an infection because she didn’t empty her drain.
It’s just so important that we all have someone in our lives who is willing and able to help us - including encouraging us to seek treatment - when we need that help.
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We try to write out a list of Qs we want answered before each appt and hand it to the MD. I think I’ve trained H after the 1st few times I did this so he did it last time we went to see one of our docs. I’m proud he’s starting to take more iniative in his care.
The MDs are surprised when we hand them the list but happy to answer all the Qs and we are glad no important issues are forgotten.
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