<p>I’m so very sorry for your loss. My 41-year-old husband died of a brain aneurysm almost 3 years ago, when I was 40, and my kids were 4 and 11. If you want to talk to someone who has walked a similar path (and survived), I’ll be happy to share with you some things that helped me through.<br>
Again, so very sorry…
Tara</p>
<p>Thinking of you and your family, crabbylady.</p>
<p>CL (and any others here with similar experiences):</p>
<p>I don’t know if this will resonate with your experience or not, but yesterday I was reading a piece about Leon Wieseltier’s book *Kaddish<a href=“which%20now%20I’m%20reading,%20slowly”>/i</a> by the writer and psychoanalyst Adam Phillips in his book Promises, Promises, and I came across this line, which, to me, captures some of the distinctive things about the experience of death, an experience that is like no other, it seems, in the way it can be overwhelming, disorienting, frustrating to the point of maddening, and desolating all at once:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>[Amazon.com:</a> Kaddish: Leon Wieseltier: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Kaddish-Leon-Wieseltier/dp/0375703624/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230546914&sr=8-1]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Kaddish-Leon-Wieseltier/dp/0375703624/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230546914&sr=8-1)</p>
<p>[Amazon.com:</a> Promises, Promises: Essays on Poetry and Psychoanalysis: Adam Phillips: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Promises-Essays-Poetry-Psychoanalysis/dp/0465056784/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230546987&sr=1-2]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Promises-Essays-Poetry-Psychoanalysis/dp/0465056784/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1230546987&sr=1-2)</p>
<p>Crabbylady,</p>
<p>I hope you and your girls are drawing strength from memories of your wonderful husband.</p>
<p>My Dear Friends,
I am sorry I have been absent so long. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers I hear you.
For those of you who were generous to danate to my husband’s memorial fund - all funds will go to Alaska Head Start and your donations are tax deductable.</p>
<p>Oh crabbylady,</p>
<p>It is so good to hear from you (I was just telling my D about you yesterday. Yes, I talk about all of you like we talk IRL) . I hope that you and your girls are ok. All of you continue to be in our thoughts and our prayers.</p>
<p>Agreed. Thanks you for touching base crabbylady. I have been thinking about you. Hope you and your girls made it though the holiday season with the support of loved ones and the huge array of real and cyber friends.</p>
<p>Yesterday, our whole family got together to program “ICE” into all our cell phones. Thanks again for that suggestion, crabbylady.</p>
<p>crabbylady,
It is so thoughtful of you to check in with us. I think of you and your daughters often, and hope that you are managing to put one foot in front of the other each day.</p>
<p>crabbylady,</p>
<p>Thank you for coming back here to post. I was thinking of you yesterday and wondering how you and your daughters were doing. </p>
<p>I welcome hearing from you - even on the days when things are not going so well. In ways not totally clear to me (although the ICE information is clearly one way), you are helping us too - maybe more than we are helping you. </p>
<p>Vaya con dios.</p>
<p>My friends,
The journey is like none other. Our girls have returned to their lives. We SKYPE alot. I need to see there eyes. They both have so much to catch up on. My job is is protect them as finincially as I possibly can. My job as always is to take care of our girls.
I finally sought medical help for myself. It was a difficult phone call to make. I have a good thearpist now. I also have pills in the morning so I am not so crazy - I have pills in the afernoon in case I feel anxious - I have pills to help me sleep.
I miss my cold toes searching for a warm back, I am aware only one side of the bed is messy. I miss the sound of the toilet flushing and his humming in the shower - I miss the spalash of toothpaste on the mirror. I am aware of food in the frig that will never get eaten. I am aware of 4o salmom in the freezer all with a story. I have not driven his car, I have not done is laundry. The girls took a few running shirts and small things - I don’t go in to his closet. We talk all the time - but I miss his touch - I miss his smell - I miss his laugh. The piano is silent. My house is so quiet. I am trying to breath.
Please check out Roger’s web page. I think it is drrogergollubcommunity.org Anna was able to tie Tracey’s web site to Rogers. I would like you to meet this amazing woman who risked her life caring for Roger.
MY CC family is in my heart. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
DAG</p>
<p>TaraPiantanida, please check your inbox - I sent you a pm.</p>
<p>crabbylady, thank you for posting. Your post brough tears to my eyes. You and the girls are in my thoughts.</p>
<p>Crabbylady,
Thank you for taking the time to post. Your family remains in my thoughts and prayers.</p>
<p>I’m saying a prayer right now for you and your daughters. I cannot imagine the sadness and loneliness you are feeling right now. Know that there are people thinking and caring about you.</p>
<p>Crabbylady, thank you. You have reminded me to be grateful for everyday, and to be a little kinder along the way. No guarantees about tomorrow.</p>
<p>crabbylady,
I completely understand. I also have food that I will never eat, but can’t throw away. I also have his clothes, unwashed, taking up space that I really need but can’t use. Heck, I haven’t even slept in my bed since it happened. Little things like his contact lens stuff still sitting on the bathroom sink, his keys, his wallet… I probably should also seek help, but I am afraid to take a bunch of pills (do they help you?). Also, I just don’t feel like I can share him with a stranger. Is that weird? Does a therapist help?</p>
<p>I guess both of us need all of the prayers we can get.</p>
<p>You and your kids are in my prayers, CL, LKF, and others.</p>
<p>Dear Crabby-Lady, dear heart. You are in our thoughts and prayers as you and your darling girls make your way in this world without someone so essential to each of you. I was happy to see the site with the tributes in memory of your remarkable husband, and will certainly extend my prayers to Tracey, who was valiant and also hurt greatly by the actions of someone under the influence. Glad the person you are talking with now seems to be a good match for you, please take care of yourself and give yourself lots of time, space and room, just as I know you would extend time and care to a close friend who suffered such a loss. Drop us a line when you feel the urge…we are thinking of you and of course as parents we are also thinking of the excellent daughters the two of you raised so well.</p>
<p>CL and LKF, still thinking of both of you. DH and I are having to deal with a long-distance relationship right now and I was feeling a little sorry for myself this week, but this is a full-out reality slap… I need to stuff the self-pity and thank God for every day.</p>
<p>Is there a friend that each of you can call to help clean and sort when you feel ready? I would think that there’d never really be a good time to decide to disturb the remnants of your husbands’ living presences in your houses. Washing clothes and sorting belongings and cleaning out the fridge shouldn’t be something that you need to do by yourselves. I’d offer, if I were closer…</p>
<p>Peace be with you both.</p>