<p>Oh max, I really feel for you.
o.m.g. Is that really the point of the original post on this thread? To gather lots and lots of sympathy? To be able to explain and reexplain the pain? At 26?</p>
<p>There is some permanent damage, and it angers me that now I have to shoulder the burden of my mother’s neglect. I never went in to the dentist or doctor for any sort of checkups.</p>
<p>Which parents here got their kids back into school each year without medical forms? Which of us believe Wharton allowed him in w/o medical forms? Over 4 years? </p>
<p>There is no truly acceptable reason for sending hate mail to mom. Not because it’s mom, but because it’s juvenile, counter-productive, somewhat narcissistic, victim-mentality, etc. It’s verbal/email road rage. Abusive behavior cloaked as merited. What will OP do when his/her spouse or kids disappoint? </p>
<p>He’s 26 and just now going to a dentist? Never met anyone who advised him? Someone suggests a way to manage dental care and OP has an excuse for why it’s not possible. Someone responds to that roadblock and OP has a further excuse. Posters explain a “loan” claim does not hold up in court if there is no intial repayment agreement and the response is all about how this wicked witch might find a way to legally sidestep. It all cycles back to, you poor dear.</p>
<p>We all have crap in our histories. I know it is very hard to overcome the ghosts. Sorry, but it is time to make wise choices. Good Luck.</p>
<p>Sorry for being human. I get angry, too – and I feel like I have a lot of justifiably heightened anger. I wrote the email when I was extremely upset. In hindsight I obviously wouldn’t have done this – how many people can possibly say that they don’t regret times they get angry?</p>
<p>It wasn’t meant to escalate the situation. The thought just ate at me – the notion that I am suffering just so that my mother can afford to go on additional trips to Hawaii or Mexico while not working. It wasn’t meant to accomplish anything in particular.</p>
<p>Thanks for that, BunsenBurner – very useful info.</p>
<p>OP, Thank you for saying that. Of course you are angry. Don’t let that anger take away your own life. Be done with it. </p>
<p>I’ve spent my whole life in the middle of the arguments between my grandmother and mom- each side had legit complaints and excuses. For heaven’s sake, the anger continued until my grandmother died, in her 90’s. As far as I am concerned, each side had merit. And, each side was destructive in defending their position. And, each side suffered because they wouldn’t move away from the pain.</p>
<p>There is an adage in therapy: “Sometimes, our worst enemies become our best teachers.” It means, another’s selfishness and intractibility can make us the same, even if the specifics change.</p>
<p>Becoming spouse and parent involves a similar loss of freedom as being a child- another’s choices and needs can trump ours. Others can disappoint us in ways you can’t imagine today. You need to be very careful to overcome. SInce you are lucky not to be a spouse or parent yet, inventory what you need for catch-up- dental work, savings, loan repayments, work experience- whatever it is, focus on a plan. Send mom a holiday card each year and/or occasional postcards. And, create your own life, with purpose, independent of past pains. Therapy will help.</p>
<p>FWIW, I think you are perfectly justified in your anger and hurt. I think children have a right to be cherished and loved. Your mom, actually by the sound of it, your parents failed you. Your mom did not do right by you. </p>
<p>I think being justifiably angry with your mom is actually healthy. It means you have sufficient strength.</p>
<p>Max, my sister is a dentist. Oftentimes when one of her less-well-off patient’s insurance plan doesn’t pay the full bill, she will waive the difference. If that doesn’t work, go the dental school route. Oftentimes, if you have a cavity filled by a dental student for the purposes of passing the State Board Examination, that student will pay YOU.</p>
<p>Hi Max, I remember your threads back when you were looking for a job, and at that time too you faced a lot of roadblocks, but you eventually managed to get a good result. I think you will be able to do so now too.</p>
<p>There are unfortunately too many parents (none on CC of course;) ) who don’t do the right thing for whatever reason, selfish, drinking too much, ignorance, maybe even too poor, and whatever. It is too bad that you suffered because of that. My own parents were stingy on dermatologic care, and I have the acne scars to prove it. In high school they almost never bought me any clothing. I paid for all my own things out of my babysitting money, and I even sewed my own clothes. However, I had braces, and they were big on dental care, and they even paid for my contact lenses (I am extremely nearsighted, and have a terrible astigmatism). It did bug me a great deal that they didn’t pay for things that I thought they should have, and I could have been angry at my mom (my dad died when I was around your age). I have to say that it would have done absolutely no good to tell her off- as you have found out.</p>
<p>Move on Max, take care of what you need to fix, and give yourself a break. If everyone had great parents, there would be a lot less for all the therapists to talk about to patients (and less patients). See a good orthopedist when you have a chance about your hand too, maybe you can have some relief there too. In the end, your mother looses out on having a relationship with her son. To me, that is quite a loss. You can make a new family when you get married, and then, you will find that you will have to get along with in-laws and what have you (long lost cousins etc.), and this will bring new challenges. </p>
<p>A 26 year old isn’t suffering because ones mother is going to Hawaii or Mexico.</p>
<p>A 26 year old should be self sufficient, and the parents of a 26 year old should go on trips to Mexico and Hawaii rather than continue to fund a 26 year old adults lifestyle.</p>
<p>You may have been wronged in high school or earlier in childhood, but you’re not being wrong today. You can take care of yourself today.</p>
<p>I just got off the phone with my mother and I am pretty sure she’s not going to bother trying to push that silly lawsuit on me. We tried to discuss countless other issues but ultimately we just differed in opinion on too many points.</p>
<p>All I can do is try to look forward and focus on making a good family for myself. My only concern is that I won’t get there in time. I have so much to fix and so much money I have to accrue before I can even <em>consider</em> having kids. </p>
<p>My only wish is that someday I can have a life with the woman I love (hopefully my current gf) and have a healthy family with an actual plan in place. It’s just hard to see that far ahead when I am struggling in the present. I don’t know how to get <em>there</em> from <em>here</em>.</p>
<p>babyontheway: Many of these problems have existed from the day I was born. Others happened the day my father died onward. It’s a whole range of various issues. There are problems today resultant of problems hence past. It’s not so easy to say “Well, you’re on your own now, so the past is irrelevant.” Progress is not quantized.</p>
<p>Max, you need to Man UP. You need to realize that you are responsible for yourself. Bad teeth? Go to the dentist. Bad hand? Go to the doctor. Need a car? Go to the car dealer. Need money? Get a second job, cheaper apartment, or lower your cost of living (i.e., move out of new york city). </p>
<p>It’s your life. Your problems in the past may have been due to your parents, but your problems today are due to the choices you make.</p>
<p>Please do not post in my thread any further – you are not helping and you do not know enough about my upbringing to be able to say those kinds of things.</p>
<p>Go buy some personal life insurance soon, so that any children you may have in the future will not have money problems. Its very cheap at your age, and you get a real big boat load inexpensively.</p>
<p>It’s not as easy as saying “If you have problem X, solve it with solution X.” If it were that easy, I’d be doing all those things. But I am either unable to afford everything or I am ignorant about my options. That’s why I make these threads – because I always learn something new from them.</p>
<p>I don’t need to be told obvious brute-force solutions to my problems, because such things ignore the inherent problems that have prevented me from properly acquiring the benefits of those solutions. I haven’t been able to even get insurance until recently. When I came to New York, I was broke with college degree loans on my hands and an expensive city to deal with, moving costs to fend for, clothing to buy, a computer to repair, suits to purchase, a phone to purchase, glasses to purchase so I could see, room furniture to purchase (bed, desk), etc. It’s been a very long, arduous buildup process and I can only take each piece one step at a time.</p>
<p>Right now, that would be handling dental/health properly. I have a lot of catching up to do, and it’s not easy to repair 23 years of neglect and damage.</p>
<p>Max, with the information in this thread, you should be in a position to arrange to have your teeth taken care of at little or no cost to yourself. Please make a systematic plan to look into the options presented here, and then take action. You have medical and dental insurance, and several dental schools nearby. Something is going to work for you.</p>
<p>If I were you, I would make therapy my next priority. No one as young as you should feel so beaten down by life. You are in a good position to make a good life for yourself, to build the family that you want. From what I read, most people your age don’t have jobs. But you need some help to recover from the past and be able to move forward with strength and optimism. The damage and neglect from your childhood are real, but therapy can help you recover. Please give this to yourself. With your medical insurance, it will be very affordable.</p>
<p>I have a lot of sympathy for your situation. I remember reading your posts when you were job hunting last year, and I saw how diffcult things were for you without the parental safety net that most young adults take for granted. You have every right to be angry at your mother, but I agree with others here that you should consider therapy to help yourself deal with those feelings and move on. </p>
<p>You’ve have a very difficult childhood and young adulthood. I admire you for all that you have accomplished already. You can’t change the past, but you can control your own future. I hope that you can create the kind of family you missed out on.</p>
<p>Not everyone has supportive parents. A lot of kids have neglectful and even downright abusive parents. Where you fall in this spectrum, I don’t know, but you should look into any therapy options available to you. If you have absolutely nothing, then look into Al-Anon. It does not deal just with those who have family members who are drinkers but who have any kind of problem including mental ones which I suspect your mother has. Basically, you need to work on yourself and learn how to deal with these situations in a way the least harmful to you.</p>
<p>As others have said, it is doubtful any lawsuit is going to come to fruition. But your mother certainly can remove you from her will. This happens on occasion when kids do or say things that anger a parent so much that they want to leave them nothing. That is certainly your mother perogative.</p>
<p>To answer your question, no, your mother cannot possibly win this ridiculous lawsuit.</p>
<p>As for your relationship with your mother: The way I see it, she wasn’t there for you before, she isn’t there for you now (obviously), and she damn sure won’t be there for you in the future. The issue you need to deal with now is trying to stand on your feet all alone. You have gotten this far in life almost completely on your own- a feat very few people can claim to have accomplished. You need to continue doing so; you’re on the right track.</p>
<p>I disagree with the people who said you need therapy; you do NOT need an extra financial burden to shoulder. A more efficient alternative would be to focus on your work and your social life. Friends can be there for you when you need them the most, and they don’t even have to know about your problems. Go on with your life and start putting that Wharton degree and brain to good use- both socially and professionally. You will be fine.</p>
<p>* Friends can be there for you when you need them the most, and they don’t even have to know about your problems. *</p>
<p>So if it was as easy as that- wouldn’t he already have these friends?
After all he has been out of high school for , I’m assuming at least five years.</p>