<p>With all due respect, lets not scare the pants off legendofmax.</p>
<p>Also agree to look into health insurance covering oral surgery. </p>
<p>I also had no dental care as a child. When I was 16, I had 2 upper molars (opposite sides) pulled because they were so decayed and absessed. My parents could not ignore my screams, so they had to take me to a dentist. </p>
<p>When I was 40, I finally took care of the othodontic side and got Invisalign. Some dental issues can wait, but dealing with pain impacts your life and could impair your job effectiveness. Get it dealt with and stop posting to CC. Both NYC & Columbia have dental schools. Contact them and see how they could help you. As another posted said, dental schools need real patients to see and you sound like you could keep several dental students for a while. (my undergrad had a dental school & the hygenists preferred to schedule classmates themselves, otherwise they had to take the walk-ins)</p>
<p>Based on Max’s past posts (when he was job hunting and moving to NYC), I think he is not kidding when he says he is living a very frugal life already.</p>
<p>Max, when my D had her wisdom teeth out, her regular health insurance did cover some of the cost, so look into that. I would also agree with posters who say that a payment plan would be worth doing for this. Oral health is important for more than just your mouth, it impacts other parts of your body as well. Pretty important to get this taken care of. And I agree with the dental school suggestion, too. And if you have a pre-tax health savings plan through your work, you can set some money aside tax free for this (although you probably are too late for this year if your company does benefits on a calendar year, and you really shouldn’t wait a whole year to get this done).</p>
<p>Wonkapickletop mentioned something upthread about going to a dental school for dental work. If you google “dental schools NYC” you will find NYU College of Dentistry & Columbia University among others. These are good places to start & ask about treatment plans. Dental schools are usually more affordable than private practices, especially in expensive urban areas. If they won’t do the work, they may be able to refer you to a reputable clinic that does. Take care of the physical pain first, then you will be able to address the psychological pain.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters that it would be helpful to deal with your anger through some form of therapy. Once again, start with the universities & see if there are sliding-scale services available through their psychology departments. If not, perhaps they could give you a referral to a practice with sliding-scale rates. It would be a wise investment in your future.</p>
<p>I feel for you because it sounds like you are overwhelmed & in both physical & emotional pain. Try to prioritize & take one step at a time, but don’t neglect your health.</p>
<p>Crossposted with intparent & nj2011mom.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Oh max, I really feel for you. I think the pain you are talking about is not just physical pain. The pain of having grown up with a negligent, selfish mother is still with you, after all, you are still pretty young. Your mother sounds very childish to me, maybe even has a personality disorder, and that surely limited her ability to be a good mother to you. She is probably never capable of being the mother you deserve. The only way that you can have the life you want is to accept that. Believe me, I am speaking from experience. You are no longer dependent on your mother or trapped in her home, but you are still trapped in your own prison of hurt and anger. Once I realized that I was keeping myself in the prison, that no one else was forcing me to live in it anymore, I felt an inkling of hope. You do have the choice to be different from your parents. But you can’t start until you let go of your righteous anger.</p>
<p>I have a very different family life from the one I grew up with. It ispossible. There are obstacles along the way, and some years are harder than others. It takes tremendous willingness to change and optimism that you will get better, that life will get better. I think that’s what you need most right now,— a sense of optimism about your future. People can change, but the person who needs to change is you, not your mother.</p>
<p>Changing from the dental subject, as you have gotten some good advice, I want to warn you that I am aware of plenty of situations where families communicate with each other FOR YEARS through lawsuits. IMO, the only true winners in those cases are lawyers. Max, take care of yourself, and IMO, avoid litigation with your mother if at all possible.</p>
<p>First of all, I want to give Max a hug. I am sorry about your mom. </p>
<p>Second, do you have to have a coronectomy ? meaning only part of the wisdom teeth to be taken out ? It may be covered under medical instead of dental procedures. I agree the dental school will love to have you, however I don’t know what the waiting times will be like or the flexibility of the appointments.</p>
<p>I totally understand what you are saying about your mother. She is just crazy and it’s good to stay away from her. </p>
<p>About your teeth. Go to another dentist. I also recommend the university route. My H thinks that some dentists are looking for a revenue stream and recommend things that are not possible for you medically. Also our medical plan not dental paid for my S’s wisdom teeth extraction. I did not have mine out until I was 24, and my BIL until his 30’s. Maybe you can have two out now and two later. Most dentists in a nice area just assume that you have money to do this and don’t offer a cheaper alternative. But it’s there.</p>
<p>At some point we just have to stop blaming our parents for their mistakes. It doesn’t get you anywhere and they are still crazy.</p>
<p>This is too much information for me to process right now, to be honest. My plan covers 80% of oral surgery from what I can tell, although there is a difference between in/out of network (deductible vs. no deductible), although I honestly am not sure what that all entails. I really hope I am misunderstanding something and that I actually can afford wisdom teeth removal sooner than expected.</p>
<p>A screenshot
<a href=“http://i.imgur.com/6h7Nt.png[/url]”>http://i.imgur.com/6h7Nt.png</a></p>
![http://i.imgur.com/6h7Nt.png[/url]](http://i.imgur.com/6h7Nt.png%5B/url%5D){kind=link}
<p>Many dental plans also have a limit as to how much they pay per year so you might need to have a long-term plan to fix things. Many dentists also have payment plans.</p>
<p>Max - that’s your dental coverage. What most of us are saying is that MEDICAL insurance often covers necessary dental surgery, however plans are all over the place. I would ask HR about your specific coverage. </p>
<p>Please deal with them. Teeth are like feet - they impact your entire life and if they hurt your quality of life will be impaired. </p>
<p>Again - check out NYU & Columbia dental schools. Many schools have sliding scales on ability to pay, plus any work done on you will be supervised. It is an excellent option you are fortunate to have available to you.</p>
<p>How come nobody saw my mention of going to a dental school back in post #26? :(</p>
<p>^^ We saw. I think everyone just wants to reinforce it. :)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>But the OP would not have the satisfaction of having said it to the mother. And sometimes things do need to be said to the person with whom one is angry. It is sometimes necessary to say, “You did this to me, it was wrong, I’m living with the consequence, I’m angry.” It’s not helpful to do it repeatedly, but this sounds like it was a long time coming. Agree, therapy could be very helpful.</p>
<p>^^ I disagree with that statement…it served no purpose other than to insight hostility.</p>
<p>I’m amazed at the posters who are getting on Max’s case. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>To me, if it’s true, that’s definitely parental neglect, if not child abuse, and I think his bitterness is well justified. Yes, there are starving children in Africa who have it worse, but would any of us here treat OUR kids like that? If we take him at his word, he’s doing the best he can and has really accomplished a lot despite the odds against him. However, I’d like to leave him with this quote by Buddha: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” After you get your medical and dental issues resolved, find some affordable therapy. This was mentioned earlier in the thread and bears repeating.</p>
<p>Escalation is not a good attribute. </p>
<p>Get your teeth fixed, Cost is tax deductible after the 7% medical tax deductible. Dental work could take several years. </p>
<p>Don’t need to blame anyone. Lot of extenuating circumstances that prevent things from getting done. </p>
<p>Didn’t have my impacted wisdoms (3) taken out until late 20’s and then had to have braces for a couple of years to get teeth straighten out, and I always had good dental care. I continue to have good dental care and still have problems at age 60+ and the cost is now out of my pocket-no insurance.</p>
<p>{just how does someone get such a good topic to get many replies in just a couple of hours}</p>
<p>Everytime I try to post new thread, I only get a handful of replies. I gotta get bigger problems?</p>
<p>max has been a frequent poster and i think many of us are trying to be surrogate parents, as he hasn’t had an easy time and doesn’t seem to have older adults he can ask these sorts of questions of.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I strongly suggest choosing a dentist who belongs to the network, and here is why. Although the screenshot shows 80% coverage in BOTH in/out network cases, keep in mind that you might end up being on the hook for *more than your 20% share *when you see an out-of-network specialist, because the number 80% refers to the in-network rates. A dentist participating in a particular insurance network strikes a deal with that insurance that s/he will not be charging his/her patients covered by that plan more than a certain pre-determined amount per procedure. If the dentist charges more, then he has to absorb the difference and NOT bill it to the insured patient. An out-of-network dentist can charge whatever rates s/he wants, so when your insurance covers 80% of the in-network rates, you will be on the hook for the 20% and the difference between the charge and the in-network rate. Let’s say, Dentist A belongs to the network and charges you $230 for one wisdom tooth extraction and bills your insurance. The insurance reviews the charge and sends him a check for $160 with a note, “the rate for this procedure exceeds our rate of $200”. The doc writes off the extra $30 and bills you for $40 (your 20%). Dentist B is not in the network and charges you the same $230 for the procedure, but in this case you will be on the hook for the entire difference of $70. It happened to me several times when the dentist I was seeing dropped his participation in my insurance network. I hope this is a bit clearer than mud.</p>
<p>It is always wise to get the estimate of charges from your dentist prior to a big procedure and call your insurance to see what your portion of the bill will be. Many dentists can call your insurance company and let you know the math.</p>